What We Wish We Learned About Marriage 14 Years Sooner

Transcribed from the episode audio and lightly edited for readability. Speaker labels are automated and may occasionally be off.

Austin: Have you ever looked at your spouse and thought, "How did we become this couple?"

Rachel: You're building businesses, raising kids, chasing goals, maybe pastoring a church, yet the tension at home is louder than the winds at work.

Austin: If that's you, this might be the most important video you watch all year. So in this episode, we are sort of pulling back the curtain and sharing with you guys one of the most powerful shifts that we have made over the years after building four businesses together, being in ministry together, raising four children together and so much more.

Rachel: Yeah. And we'll show you how we navigated seasons of silent, disconnection, conflict, and tension in our marriage, and how we shifted that to a place of deep connection without sacrificing, our ambition or ultimately giving up on each other.

Austin: That's right. In this episode, you will learn the number one mistake that we made in our early years of being married, and how to avoid it yourself.

Rachel: You'll also learn the communication habit we stopped doing that changed everything.

Austin: You'll also learn what we wished we noticed sooner before burnout and resentment started to creep in. And the truth about what business success or even ministry success, or just life success in general, does to a marriage, and how to lead at home as powerfully as you lead outside of the home.

Rachel: Let's do it.

Austin: All right. You ready?

Rachel: All right. Yes.

Austin: So thank you all for joining us today. Whether you are watching on YouTube or listening in on any of the major podcast platforms, you are awesome. Thank you for being here. One thing we like to do as we kick off every episode is just share a quick appreciation of each other, and we do this for a lot of reasons. One, because we love each other. Boom. Pound it.

Rachel: Pound it.

Austin: Love you. And two, we want you guys to model this. So if you're listening to this episode right now, and you're with your spouse, or not with your spouse pause it. Take 30 seconds. Look each other in the eye and appreciate each other. Or pause it, send a text message, send an email, call your spouse, and just out of the blue appreciate them. Because there's huge power in it. So we're gonna take just about 40 seconds here and appreciate each other before we jump into all the juicy details of this episode.

Rachel: All right. I- Austin, I would like to appreciate you for being a trailblazer.

Austin: Ooh.

Rachel: That you I feel like this is a Star Trek infomercial coming on. Like, you go where no one has gone.

Austin: Bum, bum, bum, bum.

Rachel: And

Austin: Ba, ba, bum

Rachel: That's very respectable because it is not an easy task. It is not for the faint of heart, and I wouldn't rather I would not rather be trailblazing with anyone else but you. Did that grammatically make sense?

Austin: I think it did.

Rachel: Yeah. So thank you. I really appreciate that about you, and I'm glad to be inspired by that in you.

Austin: Hmm. I appreciate that, you little trailblazer lover. Rach, one thing I really appreciate about you is that you notice my efforts a lot, and I was thinking about this on the last podcast episode, where we were talking about increasing capacity for giving and receiving love, and how a lot of spouses feel frustrated because they will do things and make bids for attention, or serve their spouse, or do things because they love them, and their spouse never really notices it or receives it. And you do a really great job. like the other day when I wrote you that letter, and you came home and read the letter, and within, like, 30 seconds, you were sitting upstairs on my lap talking to me about it. And I just really appreciate that, you notice the effort that I go to to make sure that you know how loved you are. Because, n not that I need that, because I promised God that I would do that for you no matter what you do.

But man, it, it really helps when you appreciate me so much and so quickly for the efforts I make in our marriage, so.

Rachel: Mm. Thank you. Happy to.

Austin: Mm. Happy to give.

Rachel: Like giving you some dopamine.

Austin: Oh, mm. Dope me up, baby. All right. So today's topic is on creating a connection that's based in curiosity. And this is really video two in a four-video series, where we're deep diving some of the, biggest areas of our intimacy assessment. So if you're listening today or watching today, and you haven't yet taken our intimacy assessment, I definitely want you to do that, and we're definitely gonna recommend that either right now you pause the episode and go take it, or listen to the end and then go take it, because it's gonna provide you some really key insights into your marriage. And one thing that we've learned through working with couples for a long time now is that for a lot of couples, they either have a connection based on curiosity or a connection based on criticism. Where either criticism is bringing them together or curiosity is bringing them together. You know?

Rachel: And this was the number one mistake we made in our early years of marriage, where, man, it's like I was so blind to what I thought would get me what I wanted. I was like, "You're not doing this. You don't do that," and, and just very unconsciously addressing things or unconsciously thinking I'm asking for something, but really I'm not. I'm just criticizing. And that was a huge roadblock for us. A huge, disconnect for us. It would take us out of flow and happiness and keep us stuck in miscommunication, misfiring on almost all cylinders, when we're not getting curious and, you know, communicating from that place of genuine curiosity versus just flat-out criticism.

Austin: Yeah. Yeah, and I think for a lot of couples, it's very easy to find themselves, especially if they're leading full lives. You know, maybe they do run a business or own a business, or they're in ministry full time, and they've got kids, and they've got all these, you know, extracurricular activities, and, and they're trying to build, a really meaningful life together. It's easy to be really full. And then so it's easy to only come together in connection when it's either, like, logistical okay, or ad administrative, or when it's critical. You know? Where if you audit the number of times that you communicate with your spouse every day really, really think to yourself, how many times is it like, "This didn't happen This was late this bill didn't get paid, this client didn't get this this thing didn't, you know, that kind of thing. And we found that most couples end up having a connection that's primarily based on little moments of just being critical. You know?

And it's easy for administrative, logistical, pragmatic things to feel critical, especially if there's not connection there. You know, like, "did you send that email?" And it's like, if that's going all day every day or, "Did you get this done? You didn't get this done?" Or, "Did you get them there on time?" "Did you do that?" And so for a lot of couples, they live in this state of a more critical connection of each other. And that's, not only do they do that because they're just so full, but also based on how they were raised more than likely. That's how they got the most connection with the people that raised them. You know? Like you know, generally, when they got their parents' full attention, it was when there was something critical.

Rachel: Wrong.

Austin: Yeah, something wrong. You know, and, and as I say that, you know, I'm thinking about my kids and I was okay. I'm like, "All right. Am I noticing them with curiosity?" And I am. But I always wanna do better, right? And so so what we have found is when couples shift from, "Okay, we're gonna be intentional, and our cur our connection is gonna be based in just being curious about each other," versus only coming together when we need to be critical about things. And sometimes critical, everyone thinks it's a negative word. It's not always a negative word. Critical can just mean precise, important, direct, urgent. That's also kind of in the family of critical. So again, like, if you don't see each other all day 'cause you're both working jobs, you're both Maybe one of you is a minister, you're both a minister, you're both owning a business, or one's a full-time stay-at-home parent, and, you know. So it's like the only times you're connecting are, like, in between meetings or in between appointments or in between kids things, and it's like, "We only have time to talk

Rachel: Urgent

Austin: For 15 seconds." Yeah, and it's all urgent. It's all, like, prescriptive. It's all urgent.

Rachel: Yeah, and if you have anything, any story about your worth, your value, your lovability all that, oh, it's really gonna come into play when your spouse is like, "Hey, did you do this thing? Oh, oh, urgent," you know, if there's an urgent tone. I know for me that's a thing I've grown through continuing to grow in, is, oh, a tone doesn't necessarily mean I am not loved. You know? So in those moments, you know, taking responsibility, of course, getting curious, we're gonna get to that, as to what your piece is and why, cer certain things that your spouse says will upset you. But yeah, this is, this is so key. so many couples, their connection is created, through criticism, and they do not see the criticism as feedback. So we have a conne commitment in our marriage that we see feedback as feedback. And we appreciate each other for feedback because feedback makes us better. And that was an early thing that I learned pretty qu pretty quick.

I was like, "Feedback, ouch." "You're criticizing me." but really ultimately, once I learned to see it as feedback and that's my desire. That's my commitment to learn and grow always. So feedback is extremely valuable. And especially coming from someone who knows me better than anyone else you, besides God, is extremely valuable to me.

Austin: Yeah. Yeah, so shifting from that place of our, our connection is based purely on the observations of the needs that need to be done and all those things, to just being more curious about each other. And, and you can even be curious about logistics. You can be curious about day-to-day life, you know, versus just being so critical. And the deeper level of that means that, when we find ourselves in any kind of conflict or we f or we create any kind of conflict or a learning opportunity, as we like to call it, that we really rely on being curious about what's going on with you, what's going on with me, versus being critical about it. And I think that's really at the heart of probably the one of the biggest, if not the biggest mistake we made in our early years of marriage, was that, you know, we always thought it was the other person, you know just making a mistake, or we always It was easy to blame other things.

It was easy to be, just to be critical and think that, you know, that's how we got our spouse to change, you know? And I think once we realized that really the whole key was, huh, we just, had an interesting opportunity. You know, like, we just, found ourselves out of flow or not communicating well, or maybe one of us is feeling dysregulated. And instead of being like, "You did this to me," or, "They did this to me," or, "The world," or, "X, Y, and Z did this to me," being able to slow down and be like, "Hmm," like, "What's going on in me that's led me to feeling this way?" Or, "What's going on in you that's led you to feeling this way?" And we really shifted our connection to being curious about everything versus being critical about everything. 'Cause when you think about it, being critical, especially about things like connection, aren't ever gonna get you what you want. You know? Because no one really wants to receive blame for why you feel a certain way.

But when we invite curiosity, that's really when we shift things around quickly. So the second aspect of this that we wanna talk about is really the signs that someone has not made this shift yet. It was really the signs that, like, we hadn't made this shift, right? And so, Rachel, what are some things that maybe you wished we noticed sooner that would have indicated for us that we weren't getting curious, and we were just stuck in that more critical kind of pragmatic connection versus a more curiosity-based connection?

Rachel: Yeah, for one is, if anything happens that's out of just life is great everything's good, anything that takes us out of flow, if we immediately go to blame then there's something there. And we call that projection, typically. If you jump straight to blame f on someone else, there's something going on there for you. And so, yeah, we weren't getting curious about what was going on for us, like, "Hmm, I'm having a big feeling come up." It was, "You made me feel." You know, that's a big one. If made me feel or you made me feel is a typical thing that you say in your marriage or in, in your life in general, then that would be a big clue that you have not made this shift yet.

Austin: Yeah. Yeah, I think another thing would be that if you're sitting here watching or listening to this episode, and if this resonates with you, it probably means that you haven't made this shift, and it would truly change your marriage if you did. And that's, does conflict or learning opportunities bring you closer together or further apart? Like, do you look at a conflict and think, "Okay, this is an opportunity that we can actually get closer"? Or is it something that gives you kind of a reason or excuse to, to back away? Because usually when conflict is coming up, it means, number one, that you feel I if you're in a committed relationship, like if you're in a committed serious marriage, this is what this means. If you're in a really uncommitted, abusive marriage, this is not what this is gonna mean. But if you're in a, a Christ-centered marriage where you are Yeah, you, you're trying to level up. And if conflict happens, it means that you feel safe enough to allow parts of you to become present and come forward.

This is why when the church talks about, you know, booing emotions and booing the self and booing all those parts about who you are, what we see that couples that are entrenched in that belief is they override those experiences. They pretend they don't exist. And then all of a sudden they blow up. Right? Because they've, they've hidden so many, so many things over the years. Things, the ways they felt and But if conflict brings you closer to where you're like, "Okay, I'm realizing that because we have conflict right now, I must feel safe enough or loved enough to let my unhealed stuff come forward." And this is an opportunity where we can figure out how we can better modulate, adapt, heal learn, grow, et cetera, so that we can be closer. Because if once conflict becomes conscious or you become aware of it you're gonna realize that the symptoms have been there all along. 'Cause if there's, if there's conflict between the two of you, you've probably been feeling its side effects way before you knew that the conflict was there.

So it's a good thing, 'cause maybe you felt disconnected from your spouse, or you haven't felt in flow, or you haven't felt like a lot of that real juicy, awesome connection, and you just weren't sure why. Well, that's because your psyche probably wasn't serving up to you- "Hey, there's something up here." But once you do know something is up, well, now you know what to fix. Okay? Like, i if you never know what pipe is leaking, you never know where to actually fix the problem.

Rachel: Right, and that's why we call it learning opportunity, not conflict. Because it is Like, nothing is in vain. In, in a conscious Christian marriage, no hiccup is in vain. It's actually all for good because God's ultimate design is for you to heal and for you to both become more whole. And so when your unhealed parts are coming up against your spouse's unhealed parts, if you get curious then you're gonna learn, "What's here for me? God, what are you trying to heal in me?" "How can I show up more vulnerably? How can I make requests for healing from my spouse? How can I show up for my spouse?"

Austin: Yes. That's really good, and I, I appreciate you for sharing that. Another sign is assuming the worst in your spouse. This is a big one 'cause when you assume the worst, you're really assigning kinda the worst story that you have. And that's being critical. You know? A lot of times, instead of assuming the worst in your spouse, if you can just assume that if they're doing anything less than their best, it's because they're probably struggling. Think, "Hmm, my, my spouse must be struggling right now." And as soon as you say that, like, as soon as you assign that as the story Like, if your spouse does something they don't normally do, if they're not as kind, or they use sharp words, or if they're projecting or something like that, and if you think to yourself, "Huh, they must be struggling," well, that, that's That statement automatically then leads you down a path of curiosity. "I wonder why they're struggling. Well, let's work hard today. Were the kids insane today?"

You know? Like, "Are they stressed about something they're not telling me about?" Like And so that's a big one, is you know that you are not basing your connection on curiosity if you're assigning the most critical story to why your spouse does what they do. You know? And another big one is if you notice that you are being avoidant. You know, if you notice that you, your tendency is just to not share things, you know, like especially in conflict, right? Like, similar to what we said a couple points ago, like when you experience conflict, if you notice yourself separating. Not even just, like, the conflict doesn't make you grow closer, that, you know, conflict makes you have bigger conflict. But if you notice that there's times where you think to yourself, "I should probably tell my spouse this," or, "I wanna tell my spouse this," and you choose not to. Well, maybe that's because your connection has always been based on criticism and hasn't really been a place where anytime we share something, we just get really curious about it, especially harder stuff to share.

Rachel: Yeah. Another one is if you have a really big, strong, heavy emotional reaction to something and you act on that. If that is how you notice either, you know, conflict or learning opportunities starting is, "Oh, they said that thing," and, "Oh, I can't believe it," and then you have, boom big, strong reaction. And you're not getting curious in that reaction. You're acting on that and, you know, maybe blowing up or reacting in a way, that would be a big sign that you are not operating from a pr place of curiosity in your marriage.

Austin: Yeah. So Rachel, tell everyone maybe more tactically, how do you create a marriage that's based in a curious connection?

Rachel: Hmm. Step number one is making an agreement with your spouse that that's what you're going to do. So

Austin: That's a good one

Rachel: Getting on the same page, both listening to this episode, both educating yourself, and so you're on the same page, and you can say, "Hey, do we want to make this commitment to, to be committed to being curious with each other, having a curious connection? You know, if something does come up, we're getting curious about it instead of blame." And so, so tactically, first step is making an agreement. the second step is, like I just mentioned, you know, if you have a big, strong reaction to something, it's really important that you first notice that. And usually that starts with a deep breath, right? Big strong feeling, take a deep breath. We have the ability, God-given ability, to separate stimulus from response, and that starts with a breath to help us remember, oh, get curious. And really it's just, okay, what is coming up for me? Wh why am I having this strong reaction? It's really asking really good questions. And that's what we're all about at CCM.

There's a lot of things we're all about, right? But w you can never run out of amazing, impactful questions. Just one question could change the course of your life. Like, one really good, important question. And so asking yourself questions is really important. And, you know, along the lines of the agreement, agreeing that you can ask your spouse questions. Like, "Hey, is anything coming up for you right now?" Like, that you can both support each other in that because sometimes, babe, like, I'm blind to maybe that there might be something coming up for me, and I welcome that per our agreements, that if I have shifted my mood and you notice that you can say to me, "Hey, I'm noticing " Which again, starts with noticing, then getting curious, so you're getting curious with me by saying, "Hey, I'm noticing that you've just been a little bit shorter, and you're not like your usual chipper self." So that's you assuming the best in me. You got curious, like, "Hmm, I wonder why Rachel is not her normal chipper self.

So I notice this, babe, and is there something that has happened today that, you know, kinda threw you off, or are you upset about anything? How can I support you?" And man, I feel so loved by that. And again, it's an agreement, so I have welcomed the feedback. And so then I receive it like, "Hmm." I, I receive it with so much love. I feel very seen and loved that you would notice, and instead of you saying, "Ugh, you're being so rude," you know or some accusation, it's, "Hey, I'm noticing this. Are you okay? Is there something I can do to support you?" That's a powerful shift. Like, talk about- 180. really avoiding I'm not avoiding. It's shifting and using, what could have been conflict for such powerful good and connection. That's what we're talking about, creating curious connection. So then through that, you create a powerful connection with me because I see f- I feel seen, I feel heard, I feel valued, I feel loved, I feel supported.

And then I get to take responsibility. Like, "Oh, yeah. Yeah, this one thing did happen." "Here's what I'm feeling. Oh, oh, it's sadness," and then I cry, and then we connect.

Austin: Yeah. Right. Yeah, that's, that's what happens

Rachel: That's one scenario.

Austin: Yeah. Well, and there's, there's two really amazing things, two of the amazing things you said in all that, you know, that I wanna highlight. Number one is tactically, yes, make an agreement. Just make an agreement that curiosity is gonna become not just a value that you and your spouse uphold, but it becomes a theme, where it's almost a lens that you look at everything through. 'Cause curiosity also leads to creativity. Creativity leads to joy and to connection, to even childlike type connection, which is really stimulating for our brain, and I think for our heart, and I think for our soul, too. And so making an agreement that we will run our marriage through the lens of, through the value of, the lens of, and kinda just the flavoring of curious. Like, let's be curious about everything. Curiosity also encourages collaboration on things. Because, like, when I'm being curious about you, like, I'm trying to step into your inner world with you, right? Like, "Hey, I'm noticing, Rachel, that you, seems like you might be upset about something.

Is there any way I can support you?" And this is literal language that we use all the time with each other. And then so for you to be like, "Oh, I appreciate that you are noticing that and asking me. Let me, let me check in for a second." Then you sit there and think about it, and you're like, "Hmm. Has there been anything today? Oh, yeah, there was this thing. I hadn't shared it with you yet because we just, it's just been such a hectic day, but, like, let, let me share that with you now." Boom. Like, we just collaborated together, right? And agreements are between people, okay, so we make that agreement. Well, commitments are between us and God. Commitments are between you and whoever you hold yourself accountable to, okay? Or, you know, I tend to believe that, the most powerful commitment we can make is between us and God. You know, I 100% believe that, and I believe that Yahweh, God, is the only, being that can hold us ultimately you know, accountable.

So when I make a commitment to God that I'm gonna be curious about you, and that I'm gonna build our connection around curiosity, I'm really committing to God for that- 'cause that's an integrity thing. It's like I'm making a personal commitment. I'm not really even committing to you. I'm committing to myself that I'm going to show up for you that way. So number one, make an agreement, everyone. Number two, make a commitment, a personal commitment, a high integrity commitment. Because this is like, honestly, it's, it's a profound shift, but it's a really simple shift, and a lot of people talk about curiosity, but they don't talk about their connection being modeled on curiosity, where that's the basis. The basis is always how can we learn more? How can we inquire more? How can we reflect more? How can we dig deeper together more? How can we, get to another layer? 'Cause curiosity leads us layers beneath layers beneath layers beneath layers. And if there's anything that, you know, we've talked a lot about here, it's that people are generally not upset for the thing they think they are.

They're generally not even, any state, you know, about the thing they think they are, right? You know, it's like, for example, like, people think that a new car makes them happy, right? Like, it's not a new car that makes them happy. It's what they think about themselves because they got a new car that actually makes them happy. People just generally, they don't have enough curiosity in their world, and curiosity is so fun because we can really go down the rabbit hole, and curiosity just allows us to get into things at a deeper, more intricate, rich level. And so, you know, the third thing I wanted to mention, too, on tactically is almost make it a competition. How curious can you get? How often can you be curious? Like, every time that you start to say something that might come off as critical, that might even come off as administrative or logistical or pragmatic, how can you just put it through a lens of being curious?

You know?

Rachel: So let's talk about how our listeners' marriages will level up if they apply this shift.

Austin: Great question, great thought. So if you're someone listening to this podcast, and maybe you are a business owner, or you're, experiencing a lot of success outside of the home as well, like maybe you're, really involved with your church, or you volunteer somewhere, or you're, again, you're in the business world, maybe you own a business, that kind of thing. If we're winning a lot outside of home, if we're experiencing a lot of success outside of home, we have to be extra, extra, extra, extra curious about what's going on in our marriage. Okay? One of the things that we said that we would share during this episode, at the beginning of the episode, was understanding kinda the truth about business, which is a, a good thing, but the truth about business and how it can impact the marriage, like what it can do to the marriage. Well, when the business is so exciting, and again, business for you might be something different. It might be ministry, it might be nonprofit, it might be fill in the blank.

The business can be so exciting that it's easy to not be as curious about stuff at home. Because maybe home is a lower energy shift for you. Because maybe at work or, or maybe when you're, you're doing big, exciting things in the community, church work, whatever that is, there's a lot of energy behind that, and then sometimes going home can feel like an energy shift because at home there might be more stuff to do, okay? It's like managing the emotions of your family, managing all the things that have to be done in your home, all the things you get to do in your home. And so experiencing a lot of success and a lot of wins outside of the home further informs us of how curious we need to be about what's going on at home, about our spouse, about our family life, about our home life. And because we want everyone here to lead powerfully at home. Okay? Like, to lead, you know, if you're someone who's leading really well outside of the home, we want you to lead really well in the home.

And one way you're leading really well outside of the home is probably by being curious. You really can't create success in life without having at least some aspect of a humble perspective. Well, if you really wanna win at home, being curious is essential, okay? And so if you apply this, you're gonna experience, a lot of benefits. Number one, you're gonna experience way more connection with your spouse. And if you are that spouse that is out of the home a lot more, when you are home and you are curious, they're gonna feel very loved and very engaged with you. Okay? So you're gonna experience way more connection. Your spouse is not gonna feel like that they're competing for your career or they're competing for whatever you do outside of the home because you're so curious, and you're so excited, and you're so interested about what's happening in the home. Okay?

Rachel: Yeah. A another thing is when you're getting curious as to what you're bringing to the marriage, you're gonna grow exponentially. And when we grow, life is better. We experience more joy, more wholeness, more richness, you know? imagine the, you know, you all probably know how many days, weeks, or months you have between a kerfuffle between conflict , a learning opportunity, and imagine those times your learning opportunities are shorter, quicker, more powerful, more impactful, you're learning from them, and they're fewer and far between. Nothing is in vain. So you're experiencing joy right after maybe what used to be some of the most painful parts of your life. You, you get to experience joy through that. You get to experience breakthrough through that. You get to experience connection, and you're not stuck in, you know, a conflict cycle frequently. It becomes something that's more rare. Yeah, and instead of having big emotional outbursts and it separating you, you might initially have a big emotional outburst, but then if you're getting curious, it's drawing you together and you're learning something, and you're learning something about your spouse.

Which again, like we've said, it creates connection. You're becoming more connected because you're gaining intel. When you're getting curious, you're getting intel into yourself and into each other.

Austin: Yeah. C curiosity is ul is ultimately going to get you what you want without the negative side effects. You know? When you become really curious with your spouse about everything, about learning opportunities, about what's possible, about decisions that you make, okay, about feelings that you have, about goals that you have, about desires that you have. When you're curious about all those things, you really are able to get what you want without the negative side effects of being critical, okay? Or of even being distant, you know, or shutting someone out. Because you're just becoming more curious, and people generally think that people that are curious are really humble, they're really safe, they're really easy to talk to. And so it just creates a more positive, more joyful connection in our marriage when we're agreeing and committing fully to just being more curious as often as we can.

Rachel: Yeah. All right. So it's that time of the episode. We're going to give our nonprofit shout-out today to Charity Water at charitywater.org. You can donate directly to providing clean water for people around the world. Currently, there are 703 million people who lack access to clean drinking water. I really appreciate Scott Harrison, the founder of Charity Water, and what he has done to basically create private funding for all of their operational expenses so that you can know, as the donor, 100% of your donation that you make today will go towards actually getting cl clean water into people's hands, into their bodies. So very exciting. Join us in donating to Charity Water and help change lives around the world.

Austin: One thing we'd like to encourage you guys to do as we wrap up the episode is to check out our intimacy assessment. We talked about this earlier in the episode. We're gonna be harping on it for a while because the results that we're getting from it are really, really incredible. And so we'll put a link to that, in all the places that you're either watching or listening to this episode. There'll be a link that you can click to check out our totally free intimacy assessment. So thank you all for being here with us today. Thank you for watching or listening. Please be sure to give us a like, a comment, a subscribe, a great review, because when you do that, other couples get to discover what we're talking about here, and hopefully will receive the same value that you are receiving. So we love you. We appreciate you. Thank you for watching this episode, and we look forward to seeing you on the next one.