Reclaiming the Holidays: Less Stress, More Joy

Transcribed from the episode audio and lightly edited for readability. Speaker labels are automated and may occasionally be off.

Austin: Welcome to the Conscious Christian Marriage podcast, where we help kingdom-building couples elevate their marriage by leveling up their heart, soul, mind, and strength. We are your hosts, Austin and Rachel Holt, and we are super excited to be doing a podcast with you today.

Rachel: Yes, so we have a short life update. We've been working on a big podcast studio in our basement. So this will hopefully be the last time you will see us, if you're watching on YouTube this will be the last time you'll see us in our current office podcast space. And great things are to come of which I'll share in part of my appreciations.

Austin: Yes. Oh, great. Perfect.

Rachel: Well

Austin: Well, we'll just go right into that

Rachel: Segue. Just

Austin: So if, if you're new here, yeah, if you're new here with us today, one of the things we always do, whether it's a podcast episode, a coaching session with a couple, an event or an event at a church, or whatever that looks like, one of the first things we always do is appreciations. So- Rachel, what is it that you would like to share with the world

Rachel: There, yes

Austin: That you appreciate about me?

Rachel: There are so many things- I appreciate about you, but just in sharing about the podcast studio, I wanna appreciate your standard of excellence and your desire to just go big all the time. You're just- Go big or go home type of person. And I

Austin: Go big in our home- 'cause the podcast studio is in our basement.

Rachel: That's true. Go big and go home. I appreciate that you do that. And really everything that you give yourself to, it's always when you commit to your yeses, it's always a full yes, and you give your all to it. And I have really enjoyed being a part of, but also kind of watching you take the lead on the podcast studio.

Austin: You know

Rachel: It's, I think it's gonna be great

Austin: You were a full yes to me. Still are.

Rachel: Goodie.

Austin: Every day, full yes. It's gonna be my new nickname for you. It's full yes. Well, thank you. I appreciate that. So Rachel, my appreciation for you would be that I really appreciate how much you love the holidays because I'm just not naturally, like, a holiday person. And, I love what we get to do on the holidays, like spending time with the people we love, and which will really segue into today's episode. I love you. I love the kids. I love getting to spend special time together and all that, and I just really appreciate that you, like, you fill that little void in our family, like, and I appreciate that, like,

Rachel: Very happily.

Austin: Yes. You love to decorate. You love to be really thoughtful with the different things we do for the holidays, and I just really appreciate that about you, and how much joy you take in that. 'Cause I know the kids love it. Like, the kids love decorating and all that, and holiday spirit and all that, and I, I could just I love the reason for the season for sure, but I'm just not a big holiday person, and I appreciate that you are. So thank you.

Rachel: Mm. Thank you.

Austin: I never have to worry about, like, "Oh, man, what are we gonna do?" 'Cause you just always rock at it.

Rachel: Thank you. I receive that. Well

Austin: Okay. Well, that actually segues into today's topic really well. And today's topic is actually a question that we're gonna be answering, and it's, super relevant to where we are in the calendar year. And also, I think it's really relevant to where we're at as a culture, where- I think there's a lot of perceived pressure that people feel, around a lot of things, but especially around the holidays. And so the question that we're gonna answer today is, how do you and Rachel have successful holidays when there are so many places you have to be and so many things you have to buy and all the pressure that comes with the holidays in general? Great question. I'm gonna read it. I'm gonna read it one more time. How do you and Rachel have successful holidays when there are so many places you have to be and so many things you have to buy and all the pressure that comes with the holidays in general?

Rachel: Yeah. So the first thing I would say is not saying have to.

Austin: Yeah. That, I, yeah, thought that was an interesting but common you know, way that this question was asked. And I think anyone listening to this episode could probably relate to this question. You know? but yeah, all the have tos in there.

Rachel: Yes. We like to say things like want to or choose to. And so the question that we would pose for you, maybe if you can identify with this question of having to do things or give things, ask yourself, "Okay, when I commit to things around the holidays, am I doing it either out of love, like- 'hmm, I'm just so excited to go to this party, or I'm so excited to give this gift to somebody.'" Are you doing it out of love, or are you doing it out of fear?

Austin: Yeah. Yeah, that's really good because ultimately, i and first of all, with this question, you don't have to do anything. Okay? So this question, of course, you know, had these two, like, with the things you have to do, have to go, places, you know, what you have to buy. Well, we, and we're not speaking for everyone, this is for us, we don't have to do anything. And I just wanna give permission to anyone listening today, like, you don't have to do anything either. Right? Like, God made you to create in your own life, so you get to choose things. And, and so, like- Rachel's saying here, like, ask yourself the question, do you do things on the holidays out of love, or do you do them out of fear? And if you're doing them out of love, that's great, you know? Like, I like when, you know, Paul says, like, be a cheerful giver. Like you know when you're giving cheerfully because it, it feels like it's an expression of love, not an expression of fear.

And if you're thinking about doing something for the holidays as a family, gifts you're giving or places you're attending, people you're spending time with, it's like, are you doing it because it's your heart's desire, or would you feel guilty if you didn't? Okay? Or would you even feel shame if you didn't? Okay? And we'll talk more about the shame piece here in a second too, but I, I think before we get, just get really into it, this is an important preframe. This is like a, a filter, okay? It's like a, it's like a colander, you know? So, like, if you take one big thing out of this episode, the way Rachel and I, within our marriage and our parenting and all that, have had suc really successful holidays, and we d we weren't always great at this. It's probably really just been, like, the last five or six years that we have really figured out a good cadence, and it really fits into this filter you know, which is like- Would we say yes to that out of love or out of fear?

And if it's out of fear, then we really question it. And we really start to, like, break it down and reverse engineer, well, why do we feel fear? Why do we feel guilt about going or not going? Why would we feel shame about going or not going somewhere? Or about giving a gift or not giving a gift. You know? And so if it's out of love, like pure, honest love, it's probably a good thing for your family for the holiday season, you know? But if it's something where you're like, "Oh man, we don't really wanna go, but we should." Or, "I don't really want to buy that person a gift because they're a grown adult and they can buy their own things." Which by the way, let me just say that, you know. I kinda wanna normalize this idea of just removing the pressure of buying grown adults gifts. You know? It's like, a and I, I get it. I hear, I hear anyone who's like, "Oh, but Austin, I l- I'm, I love buying people gifts."

That's fine. I hear you. If you can buy gifts for people purely out of love then do it. But I don't want anyone for sure to feel pressure to buy me a gift. If there's something I really want, I've probably already bought it. So like write me a note with kind, loving words that's all the gift I want.

Rachel: Appreciation.

Austin: All right, so with that, we have three suggestions, just three ideas that might provide some framework or just a way to make your holidays this year more successful, more of a win for your family. And this is, a lot of this is based on our experience, but also based on helping a lot of couples with this because this comes up a lot. Like we get this question all the time. Whether it's in group settings or, or one-on-one settings, how do we navigate the holidays? So we've got three little things that I think if you consider and apply will really help, so.

Rachel: Yes. All right. So the first one is knowing your values and organizing your schedule and your commitments around that. So only committing to things that are heck yeses. We say if it's not heck yes, it's a no. So kinda like what you said earlier, or one of us said, that, you know, if it's not something that's out of the love of our heart that we are excited about, then it's probably something that we should just honorably say no to. Because, you know, the Bible says let your yes be yes and your no be no. So everybody, whether you think so or not, are We communicate things non-verbally. So if you're not fully present, if you're not fully showing up in love, it's almost a disservice and it's almost lying. It's a form of lying.

Austin: I do think it's a form of lying.

Rachel: So it's better to just be honest. That really models, Christ in, in letting your word mean your word and just saying, hey, that's, you know, saying what's best for your family or what your family plans are and just giving an honorable no versus an appeasing yes.

Austin: Yeah. Yeah, I think it's important to go into the holiday season knowing, what do we wanna get out of the holiday season?

Rachel: Yeah. What's the point?

Austin: Like what Yeah, like what's the point for us? Like what's the point for our family? You know, let's, what's the point of our marriage? You know, going into the holiday season, it's like why would we go anywhere? Why would we buy anyone a gift? Why would we want to receive a gift? what do we want to do for others, you know? what people do we want to spend time with? Like what is the ultimate point of that? Because I think if we don't have guiding values or guiding, you know, objectives for the holidays, then we'll typically just let the loudest objective or the loudest force take us over, you know? Because if holidays were just that simple to navigate, you wouldn't hear nine out of 10 people in mid-January go, "Oh, thank goodness the holidays are over." It's like how how has it become that these holidays are so stressful? You know? To where people literally regret them. You know, they, they sometimes negatively anticipate them, and then they regret them when they're over.

Well, it's because they create all sorts of win-lose situations over the holidays because they, they don't even know what their values are going into the holidays. Like they don't know what they're about and how they want to experience the holidays so then the biggest, loudest force of the holidays takes them over. And like think about all the things you hear, right? It's like I had to go to this work party. I had to go to this family thing. I had to go to my Aunt, you know, Belinda's or whatever her name is.

Rachel: And it's like running ragged.

Austin: Yeah. And we're running ragged all over town. We s

Rachel: Did you just say Aunt Belinda?

Austin: Belinda. Isn't that a name? Belinda?

Rachel: Yeah. I don't know if I've ever met someone with that name, but it's like an old aunt-type name.

Austin: Yeah. Aunt Belinda or, or Gertrude.

Rachel: Like a Gertrude or Myrtle or

Austin: I, I had a, I had a Aunt Myrtle and a Grandma Gertrude. But, you know, and so but that's what you hear people say, right? Our kids are stressed out. We ate poorly. Our kids ate poorly. We lost a lot of sleep. We traveled a ton. We spent a ton of money. That seems like we hear too much of that. Now thankfully like a lot of the people, like in our community, you know, like in our circles, are way more aligned to us in this to where they, they have become really intentional about holidays. And that's really special to me. But if the average person all across the world wants to have a better holiday experience, they gotta know what they're about before they get in it. You know, it's kinda like knowing what you're gonna buy and how much you're gonna spend before you go into the store.

Rachel: Dude, yes.

Austin: It's like for me with like going to like Bass Pro. You know, it's good to have a plan before I go in there, or it'll take me over.

Rachel: Oh. Honestly, that's kinda like me and Aldi.

Austin: Oh my goodness. Yeah, but that's food.

Rachel: Or Costco. I'm like, "Oh, it's cheaper here. I might as well buy it."

Austin: It's Yeah, Costco, that's a fact.

Rachel: Oh, I love those places.

Austin: So, so point number one, know your values as a family as, as, as a married couple before you go into the holiday season. Organize your holiday plans around those values or you'll more than likely regret what you did, okay? So within that, if it's not a heck yes, it's a no. Okay? Honor that. And we'll talk more about that here in a second. a big one is, within that is spend intentional time with people that really, one, nourish your soul, two, provide you rest and three, are who you or your kids would be proud to be like. You know, like we are big fans of only bringing our children into an environments Like, every place we take our kids we're saying we approve of. Every place I take you in, okay? Like if, if I'm leading you as my wife, which I do

Rachel: You do

Austin: If I lead you into an en if I take you into an environment, I'm leading you there, and I'm telling you that this is a place that we are good with being. And so we have a really high standard of, well, we have a limited amount of time. Who are we gonna spend time with? Well, it's not gonna be people that, you know, would are high drama, high stress people who, you know, the, for them, the holidays are who can give the nicest gift while everyone watches type thing.

Rachel: Or it's a gathering where everyone's just kind of like measuring themselves against each other. Or complaining or just like it's

Austin: I don't go

Rachel: Meaningless.

Austin: Yeah. I, I If I'm not with you, if I'm not with you, if I'm not with my kids, if I'm not at church, if I'm not serving couples at my highest capacity, I'm in what I would call, like, my free time. So then, like, if I'm not working on the farm, helping you with things helping the kids with things, homeschooling, all the things, things, things, the rest of that is, like, my free time. And what I'm not gonna do is take my free time and be around people who all they wanna talk about are maybe sports, the weather, politics, how everyone's doing with their careers, which careers are great, don't get me wrong. But, like, if I'm gonna spend my free time with people, I wanna talk about, faith, I wanna talk about, beauty, I wanna talk about things that matter, I wanna talk about relationships- I wanna talk about personal growth, I wanna talk about how to help people, I wanna talk about things that matter.

And so, you know, again, for us, and this may not be your story, whoever's listening to this, but for us, we're only going to spend time with people and environments that we want to emulate, we want to absorb, and that we want to carry on in our family.

Rachel: Yeah. Because for us, as parents, like, we think about, like you said, the environments, and, and we also use the term containers. The containers that we put our kids in, like, man, our oldest is 10. Oh, I'm gonna start- I can't talk about it too much. I'll just start crying on this podcast. Our oldest is 10. We're You know, she Society says she's an adult at age 18. She's already We've passed halfway with her.

Austin: She's like an adult, yeah.

Rachel: Passed halfway with her, and so we only get a little time with our kids. And that is our chance to help them understand the model of what holidays look like, what healthy adults look like, what relationships look like, what ministry looks like. All of those things, they're templating. The things that they see, they're saying, "This is healthy and normal." They, they That's what they're modeling. And that's what they're gonna look for in life, and that's what they're gonna create. So if you're modeling, you know, maybe toxic behavior or being around those things or in those environments, they're going to think that's okay and it's okay for people to either treat me that way or be around people who have that low standard, for life.

Austin: Well, so the last thing I w- I would say on this point is there's a story that we all tell ourselves, and it really comes down to this fear of being disloyal to our, our family roots and how we might be abandoned by doing that. And so you might be watching this podcast thinking, "I have amazing parents, I have amazing siblings, and I love being around them for the holidays." And if that's you, wonderful, then do it, you know? If

Rachel: Yeah, that's amazing

Austin: If be if being in that environment is honoring to your marriage, if it's honoring to your kids, then by all means do it, like, without, without blinking. For a lot of people, there's a lot of either emotional baggage or there's disconnection or there's trauma or there's again, toxic behavior, or there's creepy uncle whoever who always wants the kids to sit on his lap. And I And I, I'm, I'm sort of, you know, being facetious there, but I'm also being serious. Like, it's a it's a real thing. you know, creepy relatives. It just is, right? And so, if that's you, like, if you've got family trauma or if you've got a family that you don't feel, like is an honoring environment that you want to bring your marriage into or bring your kids into, you gotta remember, your marriage and your kids are your first ministry, period, end of story. And if that ministry's not doing well, all other ministries, all other ways that you serve, the ways that you give, the ways that you even perform work-wise, all that, they will not flow well, okay?

And so a lot of people shame people for, for creating boundaries with their fa with their family. But here's the thing, like, if, if you have, extended family members who would not speak life over your marriage, would not speak life over your kids who would say unkind, unloving, unjust, unwholesome things around your kids or have nothing but alcohol around your kids or t- I mean, you, you name it, you know? Everyone's got their thing. that's not honoring the ministry of your family, okay? So for us, we're willing to set boundaries with I i if, if there's someone in our life that will not have a high integrity, shift in a relationship where us and them can be in a high integrity relationship, then we'll generally set a boundary. And we're always willing to show up at 100%, but we can't make other people do that, right? And so I'm not willfully going to put my family into a situation where they could be either harmed or modeled behavior, okay that would not call out our highest values, and, that's the way I lead and protect our, our family.

You know? And so there's a lot of people that shame people for setting boundaries with family, but it's because, they actually don't have enough respect for themselves to do the same. Generally, that's what that means. And I know 'cause I've had a million conversations with people about that. But for a lot of people, they're so scared of this felt sense of being disloyal to the family that raised them, that they'll jeopardize their current family by going into environments that aren't healthy, okay? And this m- And again, this is not everyone's story. Some people have an incredible family. Go spend time with them over the holidays. That's, it's inc that's amazing. But the common story that we hear all the time is that, hey, like, I've got family that- When we're there, it's, there's a lot of drama, there's a lot of negativity, there's a lot of, projection, there's a lot of shaming. And I don't wanna take my I don't wanna be there with my spouse, with my kids.

What, what, what do we do? Well, you protect them first. You protect your marriage and your kids first. And if they can be protected, you take them into that environment. If they can't be protected, then don't.

Rachel: Yeah. Yeah. And I was gonna say, another, I think another person that this judgment might come from is somebody who does have great family. And so maybe you're listening and you do have great family. Have grace for people who do draw boundaries with their family, because you might not have a frame of reference for what that feels like and what the pain that they have lived with of suffering around the holidays. You know, it's like thinking it's gonna be fine, going, and then afterwards, like bawling on the drive home. You know, or whatever it might be. That affects their family. You don't see behind closed doors, you don't know. So if that was your experience, then that's what you get. And then, you know, so there's judg no judgment on either side. And then also, you can still, there's a whole podcast episode on this, but it does not mean you do not love that family. Like, for us, or for whoever, if they've, you know, not spent time with certain family members, it doesn't mean I don't love you.

It doesn't mean, you know, I'm not showing Christ's love to you. It's actually a way that you can model really healthy boundaries. So

Austin: Yeah, it just means

Rachel: If you want more on that, there's episodes

Austin: It just means that I'm honoring the commitment I made to put my marriage and my kids first. Period.

Rachel: And this is, this keeps going through in my mind. I left and I cleft. It's leave and cleave, but like how do you say cleave in back, in a post tense? I left and I cleaved.

Austin: I'm gonna be 100% honest with you. I have no idea what you're talking about. I don't know what left and cleft means.

Rachel: You leave and cleave. You leave your parents, your family, and cleave to your spouse. It's like that scripture

Austin: No, you cling. It's cling not cleave.

Rachel: Just delete this.

Austin: No, it's staying. Yeah, it's staying. All right, let's, let's res- Yeah, let's reset the cameras. There's no way. Le it's, it's leave and cling.

Rachel: Leave

Austin: There's no left and cleft in the Bible.

Rachel: I know it doesn't say cleft.

Austin: I'm leaving this in the podcast. I'm not cutting any of this out.

Rachel: Okay, I'll Google it later for you.

Austin: Okay, Google it later.

Rachel: Juicy.

Austin: We'll see if anyone can comment the truth here. Rachel thinks there's some scripture about lefting and clefting.

Rachel: Leave No. It's

Austin: That's what you said.

Rachel: It's, you leave

Austin: Left, left and cleft your family

Rachel: You leave your family and cleave to your spouse. Cleaving.

Austin: No. You leave, a man shall leave his father and mother and cling to his wife.

Rachel: Okay, I'll look it up.

Austin: All right, everyone put in the comments below. Is it left and cleft

Rachel: I'm sure there's a version

Austin: AKA, or is it leave and cling? 'Cause I think it's leave and cling. Baby, it, I think it is. All right. We should, we should continue. Okay. I'm keeping all that. I'm not editing any of that out.

Rachel: Okay. All right.

Austin: Okay. So,

Rachel: I love myself.

Austin: I know. yeah, you do. And I love you too.

Rachel: I can handle that.

Austin: Okay, so, just recapping, number one, know what your values are and organize your holiday plans around them without apology. Only say yes to the heck yeses. Spend intentional time with people that you that nourish your soul, that actually give you the rest you want over the holidays. And number three, within that, if you feel that fear of disloyalty and abandonment, just realize that, your family now is you and your spouse. Okay?

Rachel: Yeah, you've already left and cleft.

Austin: You, yeah, you've already left and clinged.

Rachel: You like how I did that?

Austin: Yes. Left and cleft.

Rachel: I can't, I can't un-hear it in my brain.

Austin: Yeah. 'Cause, 'cause here's the thing. Most people, they just don't understand this, that when you got married, your parents didn't gain a son or daughter-in-law. They lost a son or a daughter. Like, a man shall leave his father and mother and go cling to his wife. I know that's what it is. and, and that's what it looks like, is a new family has been created. And that is your family now. So number two is create the holidays that you want to reminisce about someday. So if you create your holidays with the idea, the vision, the plan in mind of I'm gonna create holidays that I'm gonna look back on someday and reminisce about that will help set the standard. This is g again, kind of like another filter, like another colander. Like, what do you allow in to your world? What do you let in to your world? Okay? So you want to use this as a filter to say, "Everything that we do over this holiday season, I want to be able to look back on and reminisce.

I don't wanna look back in January, February, March and be like, 'Oh, the holidays are so stressful. This happened and that happened and we did this and we did that and ugh, I just need a vacation from the holidays.'" That's not what we want. We wa and we don't want our kids, if you have kids, we don't want our kids to see that or feel that as well. So for us, that looks like several things. one of those things, that looks like how intentional we are with giving. And again, we kinda joked about this earlier, like, I love un like forced gift giving. Like, I like to give gifts throughout the year. But I understand, like, it's the holiday season and, you know, we enter into arrangements and things with people we wanna maybe exchange gifts with. That's, that's great. I love that people wanna give gifts, and I think it's really, really fun to receive gifts. For us, we like to be really, really intentional around giving, so that it's not so much giving one of my family members, someone who already has everything another thing.

Like, we're really intentional about giving to people who don't have anything. You know, like, we really want to bless people over the holiday season, so we do lots of things. You know? Like, we've got, we've adopted an elderly woman, okay out of a local retirement center that we've blessed with Christmas. we've got this really special thing we're gonna talk about here in our nonprofit in a minute, where we're buying a, family a random animal- We'll, we'll tell you more about it here in a little bit, that will bless their family in big ways. we like to do things like, you know, adopting families for Christmas or first gifts or you know, our, our church does things and, you know we just really want giving within- Like, the holidays that we wanna reminisce about are not the ones where it's like, "Oh man, like my mom bought me 17 nice shirts," or, "I, I bought my dad, you know, these seven things and it was so cool."

You know, 'cause it's like, I Like, we already have love and rapport things built with our, our family, right? Like, we want to use this season as a chance to bless people that really, really, really need a blessing. So like for us we don't buy crazy gifts for 40 people. Like, a lot of the times we have a gift basket with homemade soap and homemade chapstick and homemade honey and like 3D-printed nutcracker things, and like just fun Like, we give people really useful handmade gifts, not because we can't afford to buy them nice gifts, but because we want to convey, like, this is in our mind

Rachel: It's intentional.

Austin: Yeah. Like, in our mind, it's intentional. It's what they It's an expression of how we love them from us to them so that we can express love to other people who need it on a different level, in a different way.

Rachel: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Like, there was one year where I texted the family that we normally do, like, gift exchange for, like draw names and stuff, and I said, "Hey, just so you know," I literally texted this in July- 'cause I knew- I wanted to be really intentional to only give these gift baskets that you're mentioning. And I said, "Hey, we're not gonna do any of the gift exchanges. You each will be getting a gift basket with, like, some things from our farm and some handmade stuff. Like, we just wanna focus on quality time together. We love you. We appreciate you," yada, yada. And so that's what we did. And so they knew literally six months in advance so they weren't, like, pre-buying stuff because we were really intentional about it. We thought about it ahead of time, and that can change year to year. Like we may do more some years. Like, we're doing more this year than we did last year, but yeah, so it can vary from year to year what we end up doing based on what supports our family best and the season that we're going through, and then just giving out of the joy of our heart and out of just where Christ prompts us and leads us that particular year.

Austin: Yeah. yeah, that's a big one. the next within creating holidays that we wanna reminisce about, we would say, is scheduling, and this is kind of an easy one. Like, we try to wind down at the end of the year, right? Like, we try to

Rachel: Yeah. So busy

Austin: Reduce our work schedule, our responsibility schedule, our serving schedule for, like, December and January. The last thing I wanna do is spend all my free time shopping, you know? Or all my free time at parties, or all my free time at events. Like, I, I want to be with you. I wanna be with the kids. I wanna be with people we intentionally want to further our relationship and connection with. And so for us, creating holidays that we wanna reminisce about means that we are really intentional just around w what's on our schedule and how much is on our schedule.

Rachel: That makes me think of peace. Like the season of peace and being, having, you know, Jesus Christ being the peace on Earth, and that's what we're celebrating. It is us fostering time of peace as a family and just in our day to day.

Austin: Yeah. I mean, I can't tell you how many times I talk to people every week that they don't have time. They don't create time. You know, 'cause I think we've become desensitized. Like, if you work from 8:00 to 5:00, okay, you've worked eight hours. Okay? You've been away from the home for probably nine hours or 10 hours, including drive time. And but then a lot of people think, "Oh, well, I get home at 5:00 or 6:00. I have till 9:00 or 10:00 now to fill it with other stuff." I'm gonna argue that that's your rest time. Like, from 6:00 to n- 8 or 9 or 10 or whatever is time that you could be with your family or sitting or reading or relaxing or walking, you know? For a lot of people, they've kinda And they don't realize it, that a lot of time it's kind of an avoidant strategy to whatever stress is going on, but it's like they work till 5:00 or 6:00, and they've got five things for their kids, and they've got this shopping thing and this event and this event, and they didn't have 10 minutes hardly to connect with their spouse or deeply connect with their kids or make healthy, health-conscious decisions or do some type of wealth-building activity or something.

Rachel: It gives me anxiety just hearing you explain it and trying to even remember a time in life where it has been like that. You know, seasons where it's like da, da, da, da, da, da, one after another. Oh, we avoid that like the plague.

Austin: Yeah. And so, I, this is Like, I think holidays are to really celebrate what we've done throughout the year, what God has done throughout the year. It's a time to rest. It's a time to have peace not to be busy from the time you wake up till the time you go to bed, you know? And then, and if you do that, you can't be surprised if you're not feeling connected with your spouse with your kids. and, and then like you said before, I think just the last point on this one that's really important is if you don't have access to the type of holiday experiences you want, then just create them. You know, if there's not a gathering or a way of doing things that doesn't really align with your marriage, with your values, with your kids, all that, then just create it. You know? Like, there's lots of people that we spend time with over the holidays that have no family, you know? And they have created family-type relationships with us, and we with them because they didn't have something, or maybe we didn't have something and we wanted to create it.

You know? And so if you want holidays that are reminiscible pretty sure that's a word, and you don't have access to what you want that to look like, then just create it. You know? Like you, like, like you did with sending out that text that one year saying, "Hey, just so everyone knows, we're not gonna do the big buy 40 gifts this year. Like, we're gonna make a really amazing gifts ba gift basket for each family that's got eggs and all kinds of homemade stuff from our farm, and that's what we're gonna do." And so you created what you wanted. So then you weren't stressed about it. It enabled us to spend more time together versus being out shopping or being in the hustle, bustle of the holidays.

Rachel: Yeah, and this goes along with what we teach of, you know, you are responsible for everything that you experience, and taking that radical responsibility. If you don't like how things are or you don't have the family that- You know, you want your kids to be in the environment with, then create that. Just take the responsibility, and it can be easy to be a victim about it, but instead just say, "I'm gonna create what I want."

Austin: So again, point number one, know your values. Organize your holiday plans around them, okay? Point number two, create the holidays that you wanna reminisce about by being intentional, okay? And number three would be for us, and I believe this is true for everyone, but this is something really important to us, is focusing on Christ instead of the commercialism of the holidays. And I know that sounds cliche and a little cheesy 'cause I know people have said that for, you know, millennia, I feel like. Only two millennia, but you know, focusing on Christ versus commercialism is powerful because the more we focus on Christ over these seasons, the more impactful the season actually becomes for us. Like, the more we actually slow down and make this about, especially Christmas you know, I mean, you know, Thanksgiving is what it is, you know. Christmas is a really, really special holiday because we are celebrating the birth of Christ our Savior. And so the more we do focus on that with our, between the two of us, between us and our kids it's like that, that love we have for celebrating the birth of Christ shifts something in us that makes the holidays better.

It makes us more content. It makes us more peaceful. And if we're Christ-minded, then we're gonna be more minded to serve others in meaningful ways. And, and again, not not buying someone who already has everything a gift you know, or, or too many gifts, you know, so that you can feel like You know, there's just, there's so much, interesting dynamics around a group of people sitting in a room opening gifts in front of each other. You know? And, you know, where people have shared with us just that the fe the feelings and stories of who gave the nicest gift. Did I get enough? Did I spend enough? Like, you know, I, I don't like when you and I have to ask the question, like, "Oh, did we spend enough on so-and-so?" Like, "Did we spend enough on so-and-so?" It's like we made a commitment a long time ago to just not do that anymore. It's like we're either giving cheerfully from our hearts, or we're giving out of fear.

You know? So focusing on Christ over commercialism is a really, really powerful shift because it will ultimately lead to what will make the holidays meaningful to you.

Rachel: Yeah. Another way that we do that, and I love that you lead this, is our advent wreath. So lighting a candle each week and reading scripture, and, you know, we'll sit and be in total darkness and then light the candle. And it's just this really special that's just a little thing that we do, a significant thing that we do that holds special meaning and helps foster with our children. There's other, like, fun advent things that are centered around Christ that we do with the kids throughout the week, but this thing that we do every weekend where you lead the scripture reading, and you lead lighting the candle. Or a different kid can light We have four kids now. So each kid gets a candle. that is one way that we specifically foster that.

Austin: Yeah. Absolutely. another one for us is, we like to limit gifts in our home. So, like, with our kids, we, we like to do the want, need, wear, read. I know that's another kinda popular one this year. But it's been, like, really powerful for us to just think for each kid, how can we, how can we come up with something that they want, that they need, that they can wear, and that they can read. You know, like, that's been a good shift for us because, that shift feels like it's less commercial and just more, mindful, like, more intentional for them. And the last big one within this, and then will lead us into our nonprofit, is, and I think we mentioned this in the first point, is just, really fostering a spirit of giving. You know, not just encouraging you and I to be faithful in our giving during this season but also for our kids to just see what it looks like to be people that, you know, get excited about giving, you know?

And I'll, I'll, I'll have you explain the nonprofit here in a second. But it's just, like, as I've watched our kids, th there's this jar full of money we're gonna talk about in a second. And it's been so encouraging to me where, you know, one of our kids will get a dollar or two from doing a chore, an extra chore or something, and they get so excited to go over and put that right in the, in the jar, you know? And just children would find joy in giving. And because it i it is a form of love, you know? And so when we focus on Christ instead of commercialism, it's focusing on how can I bless versus consume you know, during this season.

Rachel: And there are s there's, there's actually a need, and people's hearts are more open to Christ this time of year. You know, you might think, "Oh, well, why would I give more this time of year? We should be giving all year round." And yes, we foster that with our kids just randomly in the grocery store or, or wherever we're at. We want the, to model for them giving. However, this time of year is significant for people. People are spending more money. They're having a harder time meeting their bills. and it is, it Because of that, when we give, people are open to Christ. It's like all these, you know nonprofits. It's like we meet a need, and because of that it opens the door to telling them about Christ. And so that's what this is about. And when we're giving around this time of year, people are more They're, they're hungry for that. Because the rat race, like we've been talking about, of, like, just the commercialism Christmas, I think people know, like, it's just a It's meaningless.

Austin: It's end yeah, it's meaningless. It's endless. It's the same thing every year.

Rachel: Yeah. And so when we bring, when we are the hands and feet of Jesus to people in our community right in front of us or overseas, like, we are giving ourf ourselves and our kids the opportunity to share the gospel. And that is what it's all about.

Austin: So three big things that we feel like if you guys consider and apply will help you in this holiday season. Know what your values are. Organize your holiday plans and commitments around your values, okay? Two, create the holidays you wanna reminisce about someday by being intentional. Okay? Don't let stuff through this filter that does not honor your marriage, honor your kids, honor your faith, honor your values. Number three, focus on Christ instead of commercialism, and you'll truly get to experience it. Ev if everything ultimately goes through that colander does this decision, does this purchase, does it honor Christ, or is it feeding this commercialism machine? If you can do those three things that's just a, that's a bit about how we have made our holidays really successful. And, that's what we're about.

Rachel: All right. So that leads us to the nonprofit shout-out. I'm gonna give a little pre-frame. So for those of you that might have heard, we have goats.

Austin: Baa.

Rachel: We love goats. We've been buying a lot of goats. Turns out they're really addicting, 'cause they're so cute and they're so precious. And, you know, we got goats to have milk goats in the spring. So we have two pregnant mamas. We're gonna be milking them. So when I got a catalog in the mail from Samaritan's Purse, and I saw that you could give a goat to a family in need, I, of course, jumped on this opportunity for our family. And so I made this Give a Goat Holt Family Christmas jar, if you're on YouTube you can see it that Austin was referencing. And we wanna challenge you. You can go, we'll drop a link in the description of this podcast. You can go, and there might be something else that jumps out to you. It might be chickens. You might be obsessed with your chickens or you might love eggs, so you wanna give a family chickens. A dairy cow, whatever it is, there's all different kinds of things that you can give based on your family's budget, what your kids, are able to get involved in with you, and what would be meaningful.

So us giving a goat, like, the kids are so excited about it. For a little bit, Malachi thought we were giving one of our goats.

Austin: Aw. Yeah. He's so sweet.

Rachel: Yeah. I was like, "We're not Well, no, they're, they're across the country. They're across the way." but this provides, income for a family, so it provides nutrition, so then not only are they getting, the milk, they're able to sell it, they're able to breed it and produce more herds. You can read more about it, on the Samaritan's Purse website. I know a lot of other nonprofits do something similarly. We're going through Samaritan's Purse this year, and we are really excited about it, and we really wanna encourage you to join us in it. Get your kids involved. It's so much fun. Your kids are so generous. Their hearts are so precious, and it's been a lot of fun to be a part of this with our kids this year.

Austin: Yeah. So we will drop a link in the description of this podcast episode so you can join us in giving a goat through Samaritan's Purse. So all right. Well, we just wanna thank all of you for joining us on this episode today. We hope that at least one thing we shared today during this episode will bless you will make your holiday season more successful, more Christ-centered, s a season that you will truly look back on and reminisce a about, that, that your marriage was honored, your children were honored, that your highest values were honored, and that you look forward to the next holiday season. So thank you for being here today. We love you. please give us a like, a thumbs up, comment on these episodes. We, we just love hearing from you guys. We love interacting with you. So thank you for watching, and we hope to see you on the next one.