Coffee with Rachel: The Ultimate Shift for Women

Transcribed from the episode audio and lightly edited for readability. Speaker labels are automated and may occasionally be off.

Rachel: Today is my birthday, and all I would really like is for you to listen to this episode or take a watch on YouTube, and hopefully it'll make your day and your marriage a little bit or a whole lot of bit brighter.

Austin: Hi there, and welcome to the Conscious Christian Marriage podcast. We are your hosts, Austin and Rachel Holt. And we help driven, highly committed Christian couples level up all areas of their life through their marriage. We're very excited to have you on the show today. And as Rachel said, today is her birthday. So let's all sing with her. Happy birthday

Rachel: With me

Austin: To you. Yeah, you're supposed to sing.

Rachel: Oh. Happy birthday

Austin: Happy birthday. I'm just kidding. I'm not gonna do that. But we've already sung you happy birthday a few times today. But we can do it again if you want.

Rachel: I think I'm good.

Austin: Okay. All right. Well, I know you all were willing, listening and watching out there.

Rachel: Yeah. Thank you.

Austin: So thank you. But today is very special. It is the, birthday of my beloved wife. And we're actually filming this on her birthday, so you might get this episode a day or two after. But on October 9th, a beautiful woman was born, and she's all mine, so winning. So today, in honor of Rachel's birthday, I'm going to be interviewing her about one of the things I love very, very, very, very much about her. Actually, one of the things I love the most about her. But we'll get to that in just a second. So before the interview, we're gonna jump into appreciations. And if you're just joining us for the first time today, one thing that we do on every podcast episode, every training that we do, every live event that we do, anything that we do where we're doing anything marriage, okay, we like to start with appreciations. So Rachel.

Rachel: All right. I'm gonna go first.

Austin: Since it's your, since it's your birthday, I will let you appreciate me first.

Rachel: Juicy. I said it.

Austin: Juicy.

Rachel: I can't Yeah.

Austin: She only made it

Rachel: I

Austin: A minute and a half

Rachel: I made it a minute into the episode, and I'm already saying juicy. Okay. Austin, I really appreciate your commitment to me and to living a life of excellence, specifically in how you parent. Actually, it's everything. It's how you show up in everything that you do that reflects that value and that commitment. And so it is, it does show up in every area, but it shows up in your commitment to your faith and our relationship and as you parent, and those are three things that this week I'm really appreciating you for and I'm really thankful for, especially for your humility and honesty and leading by example. So thank you for that.

Austin: Hmm. Thank you. Mine's a little bit similar for you. there's I, I actually had a list of like five things I was gonna appreciate you for and just have you not even appreciate me, but I thought it'd still be fun to, to reciprocate. But I wouldn't want to take that away from you. I mean, that's like a gift

Rachel: Thank you

Austin: All in itself. you know? But one thing I really appreciate about you is that, you have this ability to stay the course even when it's difficult, even when there's family stuff going on or just life stuff going on or whatever that looks like. I really feel like, I mean, since I've known you, you've been like this, but especially lately, I've just really noticed that you have a lot of just solidarity where you can even kind of compartmentalize to a degree, in like in a healthy way, you know? Like, you know, there's some storms that are kind of, you know, in the peripheral of our ecosystem but not, like, in our ecosystem, and you don't allow the storms that are on the peripheral to get into the, the Holt ecosystem. And so I just appreciate you for, like, protecting our marriage and our children and the culture that we have here in our home and all the things that we're doing despite anything that might be trying to, to knock down the door, into your world.

And so

Rachel: Thank you.

Austin: Yeah. I appreciate you for that, and, and I appreciate that, it's your birthday, and it's fun getting to celebrate you. And it was fun this morning getting to spend time together and go having breakfast with the kids and all that. So yeah. Happy birthday, and I appreciate you.

Rachel: Thank you.

Austin: Okay. So we're gonna jump right into this interview, and Rachel's had no prep on this. And I wrote all the questions. And sometimes I change the questions on the fly, but we'll see. But I did write these questions ahead of time, and Rachel's had no time to prep. I'm not sure why she has her Bible with, like, a verse highlighted over here. But I'm sure there's a reason. But don't let that make you think that she prepped for this 'cause she did not. Okay. So I wanted to interview you today, Rachel, about one of the things I really love about you the most, like I said earlier, and that is just this love that you have for helping women step into their God-given identity as masterpieces, okay? Like, as God's handiwork. and helping them really live fully in that so that they can enjoy and thrive at being an incredible wife, incredible mother, being great at sisterhood, being great at being a friend. It's just something that drives you.

It's like so many of our conversations, so many of the decisions you make, the books you read, the conferences you go to, the, the coaching that you receive, the investments you make in yourself. So much of that is kind of centered around the why of how can I equip other women to take on their identity as a daughter of God and also not just thrive at being a wife, mother, friend, sister, all those things, but enjoy it. Like, actually just enjoy that part of life and enjoy that that's God's calling for them. Those of you who know Rachel, okay, and those of you who don't know her super well will soon know this, but those of you who really know Rachel, you know that she has a huge heart for this. Okay? She loves helping women open up and just sort of, do the deep work, do the heavy work. You know, there's lots of books out there, lots of podcasts, lots of magazines, lots of sermons, lots of resources to help people do the light work, to help people do the surface level work.

And that's not usually the work that carries people through transformation. It doesn't carry them necessarily through difficult seasons. It doesn't necessarily carry them through difficult relationships, through different, periods, difficult periods, seasons of life, those types of things. It's, it's- Women walking with women, being willing to do the deep work with them, and actually wade out into deep waters with them. And everyone who knows you knows that you are willing and maybe even excited, I think you are excited to, to wade into deep waters with other women in life's challenges that actually matter and actually move the needle, like in their happiness and their success. And so, again, all the women that know you know that's, like, how you roll. Like, when you hang out with other women, you're not talking about the weather, politics, sports, you know, the latest makeup that you have bought or something like that. You're not talking about feel-good stuff that is surface-level and thin. You're like, you're talking about stuff that matters, like the conversations you have, the, the questions you ask, and the, the things that you do are all just so deep and profound.

And when women hang out with you, when they leave your presence, they always leave more full than when they entered your presence. And I get to brag on Rachel 'cause it's her birthday, and I'm her husband, and she doesn't always brag on herself. And so let me just keep bragging for a minute. But it's just one thing I really love about you. And for- I think a lot of people, they just don't even understand it. Like, they don't understand the drive. They don't understand the why. They don't understand why would you, when you could be doing so many other things, okay, why would you wanna spend so much of your time, energy, resources, emotion while you're also balancing your own marriage, balancing four children, nurturing four children, thriving with four children and all that, but yet you still take so much heart and so much soul and time and energy to help other women thrive? And I don't think I, I think sometimes you're like an enigma to people in that way.

It's like, oh my gosh, like, that's like, that's who Rachel is. And that's just one thing I, I really respect about you, is that you could be doing so many other things, but you choose to better yourself, so that you can help other women enjoy their life and thrive in it at the same time. And so, yeah, you love to help women pop the hood, take a look underneath the hood, look at the more difficult stuff, look at things that women, want to I, l l let me back up. I'm not even gonna edit this out 'cause I just wanna make sure I say this the way I want to say it, is that you have this heart for helping women open up and face stuff, face what isn't loved, face what isn't healed face what's not appreciated in themselves face what might be trapped within themselves, suppressed. And as you help women do that, you help them step into that true masterpiece identity that they are because of Christ.

And a lot of people talk about the identity. A lot of people talk about that gift from God. A lot of people hint at it. They tell people to go read the scripture for it. And so then they go and hear a sermon or they, they read a blog post, and they get a little, little blip of high. But then hours later or maybe a day later, they're back to feeling empty and low and overwhelmed. You help women actually move the needle so that that's sustained, so that their identity in Christ is fully realized, that they have the tools, they have the resources, the support, the encouragement, the community, all those things to not just get a little blip of encouragement but sustained, lasting encouragement. Okay? That's one thing I love about you and I really deeply appreciate about you. And I want other people to get a glimpse into the heart that I get to hear talk about this stuff in the morning, in the afternoon, and w while our heads are on our pillow at night, you know?

And so first question, Rachel, tell everyone, why do you feel called to that? And that being everything I just said.

Rachel: Yeah. I just love people. I was having a conversation with a good friend the other day, and she asked me a question about maybe what's some quality about myself that I appreciate, and I just started crying. I was like, "I did not expect to start crying." But I love people so much, but it really is from God. Like, He loves people. He loves us. We're like His crown jewel of His creation. And I do believe that that's just, God placed that desire in my heart, that passion in my heart. you know, growing up, I had a very, I had a specific dream that I wanted to accomplish, and I accomplished that at 23, and that was fun and great. You know, as a mom, I had a s specific career that I, I thought was what I wanna do forever. And then God just placed this desire in my heart based on how He made me the personality that I have and the interests that I have, but because I'm very outgoing and very extrovert and very, enthusiastic.

So I think it's part of my personality, but also it's a desire that God placed in my heart. And because of that, it's so much more meaningful and so much more passionate than just, like, I decided I wanted to do this. You know? So I feel, I was just articulating this to the wives on Monday, I feel like I'm along for the ride in this really cool way. But I'm co-creating with God. It's, you know, He gives us choice. Like, I could totally derail it, which is one of my greatest fears in life, so it keeps me focused on the goal, like running, straining forward ahead for the goal. But, like, God placed that desire in my heart and that passion in my heart, and I really do feel like I'm just along for the ride, like, "Okay, God, what do you got next?" "This is so fun," and enjoying it. Yeah. So there's that, but then also because the need is so great, because I've been there.

Like, I have experienced what it's like to be following the Lord, thinking I'm checking all the boxes, thinking I'm doing the right things, but then still s ha struggling like really struggling and, and asking questions like, "Well, God, why, why is this so hard? Why do I still, you know, have " You know, this is probably maybe the more conscious way of saying it, but why do I still have triggers? Why do I still do the things? It's like that scripture, right? Like, I want to do the thing, but I don't do the thing. Like, why is that? I have all the head knowledge, but it's not translating to, like, my actual actions. And I've lived that. I've been super frustrated. I've been questioning, like, "Okay, God, I follow you, I love you, I serve you. Like, what is missing?" And I think that's where a lot of women are. They're, they're struggling in silence because they're afraid to admit that they struggle because they think that might reflect poorly on God or just poorly on themselves of, like, "Yeah, I th- I think I'm doing the right things."

Austin: Yeah, or even their faith.

Rachel: In their faith, yeah. And so I believe the need is really great, and it might not be as visible to other people, but for you and I, I think it's pretty visible because we've lived that, and then we've come out of it. You know, we talk about joining CCM as, like, becoming unplugged from the Matrix. Because the things that you learn, you can't unlearn. You can't unlearn certain things because

Austin: Which is why I think sometimes people hesitate because it's, one, their fear of the unknown, and two they've done something You know, a lot of people, they're, like, addicted to drama or addicted to adrenaline, or they need drama in their life. They need upset in their life. They were born in it. They were raised in it. They can't imagine life without upset.

Rachel: Being a victim.

Austin: Yeah, being a victim, drama, upset, all the vices the world has to offer. And so when it's like- "Well, hey, like, this is a, this is a different way. Come and be in it," I think there's a lot of fear because it's like, "Well, I've never known that." You know? I mean, I know, I know that's the brain's disposition, but I think even emotionally they tell a story. You know, it's like, "Oh, man," like, like, "things are gonna change." Even though it's good, people are afraid of that.

Rachel: Yeah. The unknown is scary. It can be. If you choose for it to be.

Austin: Right. Yeah, yeah, that's right. Yeah.

Rachel: But I think that's why, yeah, that's a really good, explanation of it, and it is why, one of the reasons why I feel so called because, you know, Jesus said, "The harvest is plenty but the workers are few." And ripe. The harvest is ripe. It's just ripe there, and you just don't know it yet, but when it's ripe for the picking is when somebody realizes, "Oh, I, I want to learn this." "And I, I don't wanna be stuck anymore, and I'm gonna do whatever it takes to live this life of excellence." And then it's like, bam, the dots start connecting, and they start healing and growing.

Austin: So actually on that note, because that's a perfect segue into my next question one thing that you and I discuss pretty often is that some women seem to have a more natural disposition towards growth, towards wanting to heal and reflect invest in their marriage, invest in themselves so that they can just, again, be that masterpiece, you know, that God calls them to be. And some women are very resistant to kinda, as we said earlier, popping the hood and taking a look underneath. in your opinion, a and I say all this with a ton of love and a ton of grace, because everyone's resistant till they're not. And then they're not, and then everything changes, and then we can just look back and be like, "Aw," remember that season of life where you were enjoying the pig slop, and then all of a sudden you were like, "I don't want this anymore," and it was like, boom. So that's a powerful moment that we all celebrate.

So when you think about the women who are naturally inclined to do this kinda work, and then the women who are not, what do you feel like is the switch that has to flip or the belief that has to change so that a Christ-centered woman, will want to go all in on her growth and tapping into her full potential?

Rachel: That's good. It's love. It's loving herself enough to be willing to face that.

Austin: Hm. Say that again.

Rachel: Because the switch that needs to flip is loving yourself enough, just enough to be willing to pop the hood. To be willing to face the areas that you haven't done well. To love yourself enough to be willing. And that's the difference because And it's so cool because God is love. And so His presence makes us willing. His, His felt And it's not like, "Oh, I love myself. Yeah, yeah, yeah," like God's love. It's And I know I've talked about this here before, but to really explain it is God is love. He loves us. He forgives us. And we can say that, and we can have that head knowledge and even, like, have a moment and have tears and, and, and feel God's love, but then it can, it can leave in moments, and w it's not abiding in us, right? And, interesting, that's the scripture that I have pulled up. if He's not abiding in us, and we're not fully accepting and fully allowing God's love to permeate every part of our heart, soul, mind, strength, then we're gonna do things out of fear.

'Cause perfect love casts out fear. And it's very easy to, to let go of that love and let fear creep in. but I think where we get it wrong is thinking that loving ourselves is prideful. And whether you think you love yourself or not, there are probably ways that you can love yourself more. In fact, any time that you and I are out of flow, the question we ask is, "Hmm, what part of myself am I not loving?" Any time that we f ever think even a negative thought of someone else, it's like, "Hmm, what does that remind me of in myself that I'm not loving that made me, that I chose to then project on that person a negative thought? Hmm, what is it in me that's going on?" And so anything that's less than love, there's fear present, or anything that's causing you pain in life, I guarantee that there's that love is not present. And so where I think a lot of Christians miss out is not fully accepting God's love and having a felt sense of it and knowing their worth, not from a head knowledge, but getting into your body.

A lot of what we do is somatic therapy, which is movement and being more in your body instead of your head, you know, helping people get in, feel the felt sense of God's love. And so, yeah, that's one of the biggest things that is missing and the biggest shifts that people can make is really taking on and allowing God's love to fill you fully. And allowing Him to abide in you and you in Him.

Austin: Mm-hmm. Yeah, earlier in the qu the question, w the first part of your answer, you said that, a lot of women do not love themselves enough, to face whatever they need to face so that they can get better. So why do you think they're afraid to face that stuff?

Rachel: Fear of loss of love.

Austin: Hmm. And where did that come from?

Rachel: Fear. So it's good. Trauma. Something that happened in their upbringing. So what I was gonna say, when you were phrasing this question, my mind went to trauma, nature, nurture. So what sets some women apart of, like, maybe being more willing to grow and learn is probably trauma. Some of it's nature, which is, like, just the personality that you have. And some of it's nurture, the way that you were raised. And so trauma is a big part. So if you had something painful that happened with a close relationship, anyone that you Even in, like, a moment where you were loving yourself and being free and happy and joyful, and then someone said something like, "Well, you know, get a room," or, "Stop being so goofy," or, like, "Calm it down," or you know, "That's too much. You're too much," even. You know, or, "Chill out." Or heaven forbid you got physically spanked or something, you know, for just expressing yourself when you were young, doing something that you thought was joyful.

I have many memories where it's like I was so excited about something and I thought it was awesome, and then actually got punished. And that, that stuck with me until I healed it. And so a lot of women are fearful because they don't actually know this consciously, but they have a felt sense of fear of learning, fear of being vulnerable. and that limits a lot of women. So until they're willing to first love themself enough to look at it and then heal that, they're just gonna be stuck in having Because, and I can say this because I've been there. I was I've been stuck. You know?

Austin: So you're saying that for a lot of women, they are afraid to open up, look inward, tell the truth about where they struggle because when they've done that in the past, it didn't go well.

Rachel: Yeah. Our wives group within the CCM coaching program is filled with women that have experienced that, because we all have. But then they open up and they realize, "Oh my gosh, we all have dealt with this," and, "Oh, look, you've healed in this way. Oh, look, you've grown in this way. Oh, I'm so encouraged by your words in this." Because it, it And it's sad because we live in a fallen world. S people are selfish. You know, hurting people hurt people. A lot of people are hurtful, and we've, most all of us have experienced really painful, hurtful experiences in our life, and so we have a valid fear. Like, our brains rationalize it like, "Well, yeah, you gotta keep yourself safe."

Austin: Yeah, 'cause the last five times you opened up it didn't go well, or you lost love, or you lost status or you lost Yeah.

Rachel: Yeah, or all the times. Like, I've, anytime I've ever I've had it said to me recently, anytime I've ever been vulnerable with a girlfriend or opened up to any degree it's been used against me. I mean, it's heartbreaking.

Austin: Would you say that's why a lot of women actually only have really surface level relationships? 'Cause they don't allow it to go deep because they learned at a young age that if they go deep and they tell the truth and they admit their struggles and fears, that they're gonna be responded to in a poor way.

Rachel: It's too painful. Yeah. And that's, you know Again, our brain's job is to keep us safe, and so a lot of times we get to a certain point in life where we realize, "Okay, thank you. You've kept me safe this long, but now it's time for me to take over." Like, "You helped me survive through a traumatic situation. Thank you for that." "But now I'm gonna be intentional because I, I'm gonna go past survival. I wanna thrive."

Austin: Yeah. Yeah, I can think of a lot of times where you have helped women really change because maybe their whole life they learned, "Hey, if I'm ever vulnerable, if I tell the truth, if I admit where I struggle, if I ask for what I want, it typically doesn't go well. I get in trouble or someone's mad at me, or someone's upset at me for even voicing." So then they become kinda calloused. Like, over time they don't. And then i- I've, I've watched women risk it with you, or risk it in our program, and then they get a completely different response. you know which I've, I've watched women share things with you that were like, a lot of women would faint if they ever shared out loud, and I've watched you just smile back at them with love and have said, "Appreciate you sharing that, and I honor you for sharing that. Like, and now I know you better, so I can love you better. Like, how can I support you in that?

How can we support you now?" And I've, I've watched, like, in these women's eyes, like, this light bulb goes off, this, this switch that flips, and they're like, "Oh, wow, so I can have relationships where I can tell the truth and be real about my heart and still be loved for it." And that right there is like, to me is, like, this moment of grace where that, that switch kinda flips, where it's like, "Oh," like, "there are people, there are relationships that I can tell the truth in, and I'm gonna be loved more and not less."

Rachel: Yeah. Mad respect. Like, what you just said that I say, I, I, I mean it, that when women show up and they're vulnerable and open and honest, I'm like, "Thank you," because not only are you doing that for you to bless your heart to be able to share to have this insight, aha, learning through whatever it is that you're now sharing, you're actually benefiting every single woman in the community. Because you are, I, like, I guarantee all these other women, it blesses them because they're like, "Either I've been there," or, "Hey, let me encourage you," or, "I'm there right now," or, "I wanna get to where you are. I'm actually back here still working on this stuff." And the more honest we are, it really leads, it leads for other women to be the same, to do the same, and so it's a really, really honorable and beautiful quality.

Austin: Yeah. Well, and I think another aspect of what you've said that I just wanna highlight is I think once a lot of women realize, like, that they just don't love themselves enough to face whatever it is they don't love about themselves and still be able to love themselves while also finding ways to grow. Like, I see that in the conversations you have with people a lot, and I think if women could realize, hey, the only way to love yourself is to love every part of you. And you don't have to love everything every part of you does. But if you love every part of you wholly and fully, that's what actually helps you heal. And if you feel like you have to conceal it, you're actually telling yourself you don't love yourself enough to be authentic and vulnerable, and then that keeps the brain locked up. The heart and brain locked up.

Rachel: It's like the father's love. Like, think of you know if you're a mother, or if you know, have had that felt sense for a child, it's like

Austin: Like a child could do no wrong

Rachel: Oh my goodness. They, they do something, and our humanity gets in the way, so we might be angry sometimes. But, like, if you're healed, you know, and you can look at them the way God does it's like, "Oh, you colored on the carpet." Like, "I see you were being creative." And seeing them from the eyes of, like, well, yeah, there's literally nothing you could do that would make me love them any less. Like, I love them with a burning passion. And all I wanna do in those situations is, like, I don't wanna shame them. I don't wanna say, like, "You terrible thing." Like, "I can't believe you." If I was, I'd have an attachment. There'd be something going on with me. But, like, approaching it from a healed perspective, from w what we believe is a conscious parenting perspective is like, okay, the purpose is to teach them through it like, so they don't do it again. So

Austin: It's seeing the best in them.

Rachel: Yeah, seeing the best in them. And so it's, it's not like, "I need to punish you." It's like, hey, helping them understand why they did it. Helping them, you know, if they need consequences, like a lot of natural consequences, helping them learn not to do that again. But helping restore them and helping them learn through it and grow. And so, like, God has that heart for you. Like, He doesn't wanna punish you. You know, He s- He says, "Neither do I condemn you." Like, "I don't cast a stone." You know, "I just, I love you." And He says, "Go and leave your life of sin." And so, "Go and sin no more." And so He wants to teach us and help us come out of that. And so when we can apply that to our own hearts of, like, "I love you," you know? Like, "How can I learn from this?" Like, instead of a attaching so much shame and shaming ourselves for things, really approaching it, like, "How can I learn from this?"

"How can I grow from this?" You know?

Austin: You know, as you're talking about this, it just reminds me of something that, you know, you say to women, you know, which is, you know, imagine giving yourself the same love that God gives you. You know? Just like you might, again, look at a child and think like, "Oh, you can't do a wrong," because when we do things that are wrong, it's because we thought thoughts that were wrong. Like, we're a good person who thought a bad thought and then did something out of that thought. But, like, God reminds us, like, what our identity is and, like, that He loves us. It's not, it's not a punishment thing. Like, Jesus took that for us, and so now it's a, like, Jesus reminded people of who they were, and I think that's one thing you do really great with women, is helping them, like, well, hey, like, yeah, you made a mistake. That doesn't change who you are. Like, that doesn't change your identity. Like, you're an amazing woman who, who made a mistake.

And part of loving yourself fully is loving every part of who you are. You know? And you can't love almost all of you and then hate the rest of yourself. Okay? Because, you know, like we say, like, love casts out fear, and the only reason we don't assess and love those parts of our ourself is because of fear. And so I appreciate that you help women understand that they can love themself enough to still love themself after they've made a mistake and love themselves after other people that know them know their mistakes. because, you know, a lot of people think, like, they're the only person that's ever made this mistake before or they're the only person that's ever struggled. That's what shame teaches us, right? Like, even think about, like, one of Brene Brown's biggest points on shame is just that, like, shame tells us that we're the only one that struggles with that. You know? So, like, I just think about the amount of women who it was like the, when the switch flipped for them, it was like, "Well, I just didn't want everyone to know."

Like, "I w- I, I was worried I couldn't love myself if you all didn't approve."

Rachel: The best switch that I see women shifting is learning to love themselves the way that God loves them, and some of that is unlearning things. Actually, a lot of it is unlearning things because we all probably have this view of what we think loving ourselves is. We think it's selfish. But really, it's, you know, in those difficult moments where we wanna shame ourself, it's like, "God, what do you think of me?" Like, asking Him that. Like, what, okay, I'm feeling like I wanna just, just bad, bad, like terrible. "I can't believe you did this again," like, "messed up," you know? Whatever your inner talk is. If it's anything other than like, "Hey," and, and loving, then I would invite you to ask God in, to say, like, "God, what do you think of me?" And I guarantee you the overwhelming felt sense that you're gonna have is love. If you're really stopping to ask Him you're gonna feel His love.

Austin: Yeah, that's right. Well, and I know you said this earlier, and you've said it, you know, before, just in such a beautiful, feminine way, you know, that it's just, it's something incredible happens when women learn to love every aspect of who they are, and everyone around them benefits. Now, I'll say it like this. I'll say it in the most masculine way I can think. The most selfish thing you can do is not love yourself. It's, it's incredibly selfish because when you do not love yourself, you will work that out through the people closest to you. Okay? If you don't love yourself, you'll use everyone else as a gauge as to how valuable you are, and that's when relationships become codependent and volatile. That's when you run out of patience for people, run out of grace, run out of empathy because you're not giving those things to yourself. So, so I would argue that- And I've heard you explain this to women like this before. It's just the most loving thing you can do for all of those around you is love yourself.

'Cause once you have accepted God's love for you and you love you with the love God has for you, then you don't need to prove things, you don't need to defend you don't need to make excuses. you can be patient, loving, gracious, thoughtful, faithful, all those things, and you don't need to work out how you feel about yourself through other relationships.

Rachel: Mm-hmm. Yeah, it's out of the overflow of your heart your mouth speaks. So if your heart is filled with that love and that goodness then everyone around you is gonna benefit.

Austin: So next question. For those who are listening who, might be thinking like, "Okay, I'm on this journey into really stepping into who God says I am and, and living in excellence," or, "I'm thinking about being on the journey," or, "I've been on it for a long time," or, "I wanna double down on it," what changes do you see happen in a woman's life when she truly does go down this journey of, like, walking in this type of love and walking in this type of excellence?

Rachel: Everything. Everything changes because it, it affects your way of being. It affects how you show up, like your spirit, your soul. Your heart, mind, soul, strength, it, it's all connected. And so when you show up differently in this way, like, your relationships are gonna grow. If you're a mother, your kids, you're gonna notice a change in their behavior because you are the thermostat for your kids, and so they're going to regulate off of your peace off of your love. They're going to benefit, and you're going to see incredible results there. You're gonna see incredible results in your marriage when you're not needing to prove your worth to your husband. You're not gonna be defending, trying to, like, be smart. Like, you're gonna be more, kind and respectful and peaceful and just loving and this, like, nurturing presence for your husband that you're actually called to be. And your, your faith is gonna grow because as you become more loving, you're going to grow closer to the heart of God.

Like, it's, he is love. So the more that you love, the more that you're growing in that. Like, God's in that. He's gonna be with you through it. And, really anything you set your hand to is gonna be benefited. So if you have, you know, a job, a career, a ministry, if you're leading something, if you serve at church, like, the overflow is just gonna be so much goodness. So much goodness, so much joy. Yeah, so much joy. I was just reading, John 15. I would really encourage any woman listening to read John 15. it's something that God just pointed me to as I was 'Cause I had no prep for this. So I was like, "God, what do you " what did I say? Basically, I asked him a question, and I, and he gave me this verse. And I started reading it, and the whole thing is amazing. All of John 15, you could read the whole chapter, but verse one through 17.

And he start, starts talking about the vine. You know, "I am the vine, you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit." So, like, if you are allowing God's love to permeate your heart, your whole life is gonna be fruitful. And, and he says, "Apart from me, you can do nothing." I mean, without love, you're just gonna be you're gonna be suffering. You're gonna be stuck. I've been there, you know? But then he says, "If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. This is to my Father's glory." So as you love yourself, it's actually just glorifying God. Like, because your life is gonna benefit, your marriage is gonna benefit, your ministries, your children and it is all to the glory of God. He says, "This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples." This is how people know.

This is how people know that you follow the Lord, because something is different about you. His love is overflowing out of your heart. And then he talks about love, and he says, "I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete." Imagine just doing everything with joy.

Austin: There you go.

Rachel: He talks more about love, which is really cool in this, but yeah, like, joy, fruit, fruitfulness, just every single area of your life being impacted. It's really, really powerful.

Austin: Awesome. Very good. All right, final question. If you could give one big piece of advice, to the Christ-centered woman who's ready for growth, who's ready to go all in on being that, just excellent masterpiece, wife, mother, sister, friend, that she would do for the next 30 days without question, that would just unequivocally change her life, what would that be?

Rachel: Well, I, in summary, I would say to love herself. but take action on that. Like what I said earlier, asking God what he thinks of you. Like, really stilling yourself being quiet and being patient.

Austin: So what, what So be really tactical. What's the tactical piece of advice here?

Rachel: Yeah. If you, for the next 30 days, when anything that happens, when you would maybe normally be critical of yourself or have a anything less than loving talk or attitude towards yourself, I would just offer love to yourself. And if that's difficult, let God do it. You know? Just say, "Okay, God, what do you think of me?" And just be still with that and wait for it and really hang with it, and he'll give you a really great answer. And for you to put your hand on your chest and say that, like- "Okay, I love you, Rachel." Like, "I forgive you." And really whatever it is that he gives you, it's gonna be good. And it's gonna be love for sure. It's gonna be filled with love for yourself just in an overwhelming sense. So if you do that for the next 30 days, I guarantee you're gonna see fruit. I mean, even doing it once, you're gonna be blessed. But if you commit to doing that for the next 30 days, I guarantee you're gonna experience awesome results.

Austin: Awesome. I love it. So all of you, that's a, a great action item over this next 30 days. So comment on our podcast in 30 days. We'll come back and comment on this one how that impacted you. So with that, Rachel, let's go on to today's nonprofit shout-out.

Rachel: Yeah. So today's nonprofit shout-out is Convoy of Hope. And, you know, if you're listening to this, when this is filmed, we're right now experiencing a lot of, devastation in the South from Hurricane Helene and preparing for Hurricane Milton to hit Florida. And we just wanna give a shout-out specifically to Convoy of Hope for being incredible, because they are boots on the ground, doing ministry, being the hands and feet of Jesus, offering disaster relief. Before any government agency is even there- Convoy of Hope is there, and they're already preparing for Milton. They're ready to just jump in and help, you know, whoever needs it. And so we encourage you today to go and donate to Convoy of Hope, because a lot of us, we do probably feel sad and frustrated that there's not It feels like there's not a lot we can do. We can pray. Some of us are going down there. You know, some of us are donating. When you donate to Convoy of Hope, not only are you helping people in a really, really practical, actionable way, and with, they make really good use of your money.

Like, your money is being used to multiply. They're really multiplying your money by being efficient. Join us in donating to Convoy of Hope today to be the hands and feet of Jesus to those, to our brothers and sisters and everyone down South.

Austin: Yep. So yeah, be sure to check out convoyofhope.org, and if you enjoyed this episode, please join us in donating to them. So again, your action item for today is, for the next 30 days, if you feel like you're being extra critical or, of yourself or hard on yourself, take a moment, take a deep breath, put your hand on your heart, and just ask God, "God, what do you think of me?" "How can I love myself right now the way you love me?" All right? That will absolutely change your life, I promise. So thank you all for watching this episode, for joining us. please be sure to give us a like, comment, subscribe, a rating, all the things. That helps other couples like you find us. We love you. We're praying for you. Thank you for joining us on this special episode, and we'll see you on the next one.