13 One-Liners to Take Your Marriage Levels Above Levels

Transcribed from the episode audio and lightly edited for readability. Speaker labels are automated and may occasionally be off.

Austin: Today is our 13th wedding anniversary. And in honor of our anniversary, we're gonna be sharing 13 one-liner pieces of advice that we know will help you take your marriage levels above levels.

Rachel: Welcome to the Conscious Christian Marriage podcast, where we help driven Christian couples take their marriage levels above levels by focusing on every area of their heart, soul, mind, and strength. We're your hosts, Austin and Rachel Holt, and we are so glad that you tuned in with us here today on our anniversary.

Austin: On our anniversary. Yes, that's right. 10

Rachel: Ooh, with the hand shake

Austin: 10/2. 10/2/11. I don't know why it's easy for me to remember that date. 10/2/11. I don't know why. And a week from today is Rachel's birthday. 10/9/90. And I remember that by thinking 10 times nine is 90.

Rachel: Now everyone knows how old I am.

Austin: Oh, I know. I know. I isn't that great? So yes, we're very excited to be recording an episode, and we'll probably release this episode in the next few days but we're recording on our actual anniversary. What a sweet day. How about this? How about for our appreciations, for those of you who are joining us for the first time today

Rachel: Ooh

Austin: We like to kick off all of our episodes with appreciations. And so how about this, Rachel, for our appreciations? Let's appreciate each other for something on our wedding day. Ooh.

Rachel: Okay. You gotta be careful. Nothing too inappropriate.

Austin: Oh, get out of here. That's

Rachel: #juicy.

Austin: #juicy.

Rachel: Are you going first? 'Cause

Austin: I, I could go first

Rachel: You've clearly

Austin: But you can, you can go first

Rachel: You can do fine with this. Hmm. Go ahead. You go first.

Austin: Okay. All right. So Rachel, one thing I would like to appreciate you for, for 13 years ago on our wedding day, was the amazing amount of detail, that you thought through to make our wedding day special. Countless little things, little gifts you gave me, little decorations that you and your bridesmaids literally made. Little things in the ceremony, like when you had, like your little brother and sister come up and just did really special things for them. there were so many things just about our wedding day that I think so many people would've skipped over. Like, even the jewelry and, like, the gifts that you gave your siblings, and just, like, different little A again, like, so many, and, like, the little gifts you gave me throughout the day, and, like, how you'd plan things with the photographer, and just there were so many things about the day that you thought through. Just lots of surprises, lots of things I didn't even know was gonna happen.

Just it just still blows my mind to this day all the effort that went into, you know, o e even just besides the big macro stuff, you know, like venue and food and, like, all that. But you just, you made it really, really special. It was like a, a s a day where I didn't feel like it was, like, just me, like, getting to marry the bride, but where it was like the bride was also, like, honored to, like, marry the husband. And you just did like, a lot of really amazing things that day that really helped me believe, and, like, in a really concrete way that, like, you felt deeply honored to get to be my wife, and it showed in just the countless little things that you did. So I still

Rachel: Thank you

Austin: Think about that all the time.

Rachel: I was honored, and I am. Thank you.

Austin: Bam.

Rachel: I'm honored by that appreciation. I there were multiple different things that come to my mind on our wedding day. One was a scenario where basically you were protective of me. And I really appreciated that. Like, and that's a thread through our whole marriage of you fighting for me, being protective of me in a way that I super love. Like, not a weird obsessive, like, controlling. You know? It's like you are protecting me as your bride, as your wife, as the feminine of the partnership. And I think of us at the altar with you had just had pinky surgery.

Austin: Yes, I had

Rachel: Surgery on your hand

Austin: Pinky surgery. That's right.

Rachel: You had, like, a s because thank the good Lord you had your bachelor float trip down at Southern Missouri five weeks before our wedding, and that's where you had the

Austin: So when I broke my hand

Rachel: The swing accident. The rope swing accident. His pinky broke. But you got, like, the metal

Austin: Rods. The titanium rods

Rachel: The rods out of your pinky, like, two days before our wedding.

Austin: Two days before.

Rachel: And so I just remember being at the altar, and you're, you're like, you're like

Austin: My hand's shaking

Rachel: "Be careful with my hand." but you still washed my feet

Austin: Aw

Rachel: With your half decrepit

Austin: Yeah, with my one decrepit hand

Rachel: Half working appendages. and that really meant a lot to me and signifies, again, like, you serving me and fighting for me throughout our marriage, so even at your own expense.

Austin: You know

Rachel: I appreciate that

Austin: When the weather changes, this pinky still creaks a little. I don't know if you guys can hear this in the microphone.

Rachel: Oh, Austin.

Austin: That's my pinky. It That's the sound it makes when the weather's

Rachel: Oh, my word

Austin: Changing. So I guess we got a low pressure front moving in. So that was fun

Rachel: Yeah. It was. It was good

Austin: Just reminiscing a little bit about our wedding day. So

Rachel: I like it. Good idea

Austin: Hope you all enjoyed, getting to witness that. So today's topic, we have prepared 13 one-liners. I feel like people love one-liners, even, like, when they're quoting scripture, okay? like, "A penny saved is a penny earned." I'm just kidding. That's not from scripture. but, you know, things like, "For I know the plans I have for you," you know? Or, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." You know, like and, and our, our brains really latch onto one-liners because it's, it's the concept we can wrap our head around and we can remember. Like, we can put that in the bank of our m of our memory. And so I feel like a lotta times, like, when we're even working with couples, you and I are recalling a lot of one-liners like, while we're working with people.

Rachel: Or inventing them.

Austin: Or inventing one-liners, that's right. Or mixing them together and synthesizing one-liners across all inter-disciplinar interdisciplinary modalities of psychology and faith. So I love doing that. So today we're going to provide everyone with 13 of our favorite- One-liners. And it is our goal that you will all remember these one-liners in a time that it matters. Okay?

Rachel: Yes. So stay tuned to the end because we have a freebie for you as part of your action item. So stay tuned for that. All right. 13 one-liners. One-liner number one.

Austin: One-liner number one.

Rachel: There's no glass ceiling except the one that you

Austin: You

Rachel: Put there. You know, we always talk about how we go levels above levels. There's a T-shirt for that.

Austin: Boom.

Rachel: And as you grow, as you heal, as you learn, there's then the next level and the next level. And a lot of times we keep ourselves stuck because we think, "Well, this is as good as it's gonna get." Which really is just an excuse 'cause we're worried about opening the lid popping the hood, seeing what's up. Maybe some things that we have a story about are gonna be painful. However, guys, life is so good. God came so that we could have abundant life and and life to the full. So there's no glass ceiling. There's no glass ceiling how good your marriage can get.

Austin: Yeah. And, and even just realizing with the levels above levels, you know, I love when people say, "There's levels above levels to this." Well, there really is. And most people, I'm gonna say 99% of marriages, have never tapped into the level above levels. And so, there's no glass ceiling, like you said, except the one that we put there. You know, Christ came so that we could have life and have it abundantly. Christ did not put the glass ceiling there like we did. You know, there's either a story, a wound, a past experience. And, and all of us have had that at some point, and all of us are either going to deal with it or deal with the consequences of not dealing with it. So you can just choose whether you want to deal with the consequences of those beliefs or deal with the beliefs so that you can experience the type of marriage that Christ had for us. Because Christ, Christ designed us to have an amazing marriage.

Like, he literally uses marriage as the analogy to help us understand, like, Christ and the church, you know? It's very important to him. So there's no glass ceiling except the one you put there. That's a great one-liner. Don't forget that, people. There's no glass ceiling except the one you put there. Okay, number two. This is one of my favorites. The only time you get hit in the face with a log is if you're swimming upstream. Okay? This is important because we teach couples to find flow and not swim against it. Okay? a lot of times, you, there's either surrender or there's resistance. Right? And so if you find yourself in constant resistance, like swimming upstream, getting hit in the face by log after log, at what point are you gonna go, "All right. Maybe I'm swimming against my natural flow. I'm swimming against the river." Okay? And the river is where God wants us to be. When peace like a river.

Rachel: Yes, so good, rivers.

Austin: Yes. So how, how many river, flow, streams analogies are there? It's because

Rachel: In the Bible

Austin: In the, in the Bible, streams are peaceful. Streams are moving a certain direction.

Rachel: They're living water.

Austin: Yeah, they're living water. And so a lot of times when we're working with a couple and they're repeatedly having problems or there's repeated resistance or they're just like, "Man, I, no matter what we do, we're just, we, we stay stuck, we're upset, we're in drama, there's conflict, there's issues, we're so busy, it's this," and it's like, well, if you're really busy but you have 19 sports commitments every night of the week, is that not swimming upstream? Like why do I keep getting hit in the face with this log? Well, you're swimming upstream. Turn around. Swim downstream.

Rachel: Yes. Okay, number three is it's not your birthday party. And what we mean by that is stop taking everything so personally. If you ever remember, maybe you had a birthday party one time where somebody didn't show up or all of the people or most of the people or maybe the one person that you thought, "Man, this is really cool if this person comes to my birthday party." And we have those feelings of disappointment, frustration.

Austin: We take it personally like, "Oh, if they liked me more, they would've shown up." Or, "If I was cooler, they would've shown up."

Rachel: We

Austin: "Or if I was more popular, they would've been here." "If I was more likable, they would've been here."

Rachel: Yeah. We attach these stories to it. Right? And so if you're anyone in ministry or leadership or any type of facilitation or, yeah, just being the light of Christ wherever you go, if people are disappointing flake, don't show up- Don't

Austin: Don't believe in you

Rachel: Don't keep their

Austin: Don't support you don't buy from you. Any of those things.

Rachel: Yeah. Just remember, it's not your birthday party.

Austin: Yeah, it's not your birthday party.

Rachel: It's not about you. Especially as Christians, everything we do, hopefully our goal is that it's about Jesus. It's about at the root of it all, at the root of the root, is our desire to serve, love and honor God. And so if people are anything less than whole, wonderful people, we have more points on that so stay listening. Just remember it's more about them and what's going on for them than it is about you, and just keep doing the right thing. Keep fighting the good fight, running the race.

Austin: Yep. But if you start to feel like it's about you, if, if someone else's either lack of integrity or follow through or commitment or interest seems to be about you, it's probably about them. It's okay. And you can just move on.

Rachel: Yeah. This one we learned really early on. When we s we talked about this episode, it's like, what did we learn in our early years of marriage? And this was it.

Austin: This was

Rachel: This was, you made up this one. And that really, really helped me to shift from maybe a more centered, self-centered focus in ministry to, to being Jesus and others-focused with grace and compassion.

Austin: Yeah, 'cause Jesus was like, "Hey," like, "if you open the door, I'll come through it." You know? So that's a, a really great position to embody.

Rachel: Yes. Thank you for that one.

Austin: Yeah. You're welcome.

Rachel: It's not your birthday party.

Austin: And I, I appreciate your humility in that approach 'cause it is a, it is a tricky one because, that's where the ego really tries to kinda get up and go, "But wait, but, don't people like me?" Yeah. okay. So number four is great responsibility Oh, one second. There's a word missing. Number four, with great responsibility comes great power. Now this

Rachel: Wait

Austin: Yeah, this is the opposite of what Spider-Man's uncle, Uncle Ben. Love you Ben, RIP. Okay. Spider-Man's uncle said, "With great power comes great responsibility," but really it's the opposite. With great responsibility comes great power. Which means if you're willing to claim the highest amount of responsibility, you actually claim the highest amount of power. Power meaning ability, control, the ability to affect change the ability to affect the way you feel, the, the way you can co-create positive experiences for other people. authority. That's real power. And so if you claim responsibility for outcomes, then it actually gives you the ability to affect change. If you claim no responsibility for outcomes, you actually have no power to change outcomes, in the future. Yeah. With great responsibility comes great power.

Rachel: I love it. So number five is what we focus on, we get more of. And we say this so often.

Austin: We say it all the time.

Rachel: But it applies everywhere, and I wanna shout-out Becky A. Bailey the author of a lot of books. But our, one of our favorite parenting books is Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline. Amazing, highly recommend.

Austin: Yeah, if you're parenting right now and you haven't read that book pause this podcast, go buy that book. Read that book, then come back to this podcast. It's literally that good.

Rachel: Yeah. We'll drop a link in the description

Austin: Yeah, we'll put a link

Rachel: 'cause it is that good. And so what she says is what you focus on you get more of. But this applies in life as well as parenting, and especially in marriage. So if you're focusing on the things that you love honor, and appreciate in your spouse, if you're focusing on the winning you know, we celebrate wins here all the time. We do appreciations here all the time. When that is your focus, you're gonna get more of it because it gives dopamine, boop to your spouse's brain and to yours, and then you look for it. I like your analogy. It's like, you know when you're interested in buying a car or you buy a car and then all the sudden, before then you didn't really notice that particular model on the on the road. But then once you have that car, or you're looking to buy it, you see it everywhere. Because it's what you're focusing on.

Austin: Yeah, there

Rachel: And your brain's like, brrt.

Austin: There's a

Rachel: It's tuned to that

Austin: Yeah. So there's actually a system in the brain, I won't talk about it right now, but there's actually a system in the brain that that's its literal job is to help you see more of what you are focused on. Yeah. We'll save that for another episode. Okay, very good. Number six, what you appreciate, appreciates. Okay, this is another powerful one, and, and this goes out to an old, coach of mine, Jesse Elder, who really helped me embody this and understand that what we appreciate, appreciates. and we've kind of adapted that to who we appreciate, appreciates. And w appreciation is a superpower because appreciation means that I can willfully increase the value of anything or anyone I want just by choosing to appreciate it. Okay, it's like its own self-appreciating mechanism. Okay? Like, if, if I I, I can take any object and just by appreciating it, "I love this thing, I appreciate this thing, this is great about it, this is great about it, that's great about it," it's literally the more I focus on it, the more I appreciate, the more I assign value to it, the more it grows, okay, in value to me.

We actually possess the ability to assign value to things. Okay, that's why if you come into my house and you might look at a, a pocket knife I have on my desk and think like, "Oh, that's like a cool pocket knife," and it might mean something to you. But to me, like, that was the last pocket knife my late uncle, who was a knife maker, made for me. And it's one of the most prized possessions I own. It's, it's, it's right there on my desk. It's one of the most special things I own. And so I appreciate it so dearly that it's worth an entirely different level to me than it could be to anyone else, simply because of how much I appreciate it. Okay? And so what we appreciate, appreciates, and who we appreciate, appreciates.

Rachel: Yeah. This is so powerful in our marriages. When we appreciate our spouse, they grow in value to us. It's powerful.

Austin: Yep, that's why we literally do it before we do anything.

Rachel: Yeah. All right, so number seven, we did a podcast episode on this recently. So if you are interested in diving more, you can rewind two episodes. I think it's two or three.

Austin: I think it's t yeah, two back, I think.

Rachel: Yeah. And it is commitment is recommitment. So when we commit to things, as we're learning and growing, there's bound to be a few hiccups along the way or maybe potentially not keeping that commitment. You know, this is one thing that, Craig Groeschel, Pastor Craig Groeschel, another shout-out, l love his leadership, he says, you know, "The goal isn't perfection, the goal is consistency." And when we focus on consistency, it's really powerful. And so that is commitment is recommitment. When you commit to something, you're gonna just continually recommit. If you shift off the goal, you just recommit. Maybe don't stay s consistent one day, you just start again the next day and you just recommit.

Austin: Yeah, it's important to realize that we will stumble, like because there's entropy in life, okay? There's entropy. So, like, we will stumble, okay? You will eventually trip on the sidewalk, you know? that will happen. But if every time you do that you recommit, you're building this kind of sense of equity and confidence in the original commitment, which will help you recommit more. Okay? If you've recommitted to something a thousand times, then th it's gonna take a lot to throw you off, where maybe in the beginning it just took a little bit to throw you off, okay? A little, a little crack on the sidewalk made you trip. Well, now it's gonna take, like, you know, this mountainous force to trip you up. So every time you recommit, you actually strengthen the commitment.

Rachel: I love that.

Austin: All right, so number eight, this is a very powerful adage that we've also turned into T-shirts. And i it's, it's kind of like three sentences in one, sort of, but it's a one-liner. It's God, our marriage, everything else. Okay? Think of that in order of priority. God, our marriage, everything else. And when we do things in this order, life works. When we don't do things in this order, life does not work.

Rachel: Talk about a log in the face.

Austin: Yeah, talk about a log in the face, that's right. If, if you try to go about it any other way, you're swimming upstream. You're asking for a log to the face.

Rachel: It's extremely effortful.

Austin: Yeah, it's very effortful. You're swimming upstream, okay? I if, if you try to prioritize, your career or sports or hobbies or, I mean, you name it, a anything other than, especially as a Christian- Focusing on God, then prioritizing your marriage, then prioritizing everything else you'll generally face the most resistance you've ever faced. It's amazing the amount of couples that even resisted for years and years and years to actually, like, work on their marriage. Then either join our program or start working with us, and then all of a sudden, so many areas of their life, parenting got easier, health got easier making money got easier, getting along with other friendships got easier, understanding their commitments got easier. Like, everything just got easier for them because they reprioritized things.

Rachel: Yeah. And I wanna shout out people in ministry, 'cause this can be really hard. And clarify what we're saying about God. That's your personal relationship with God. Your personal relationship with God comes first, then your marriage, then everything else, and that would include if you run a nonprofit, if you are serving in church or a, a leadership role. Because if your personal relationship Well, if your ministry comes before your marriage, s priorities are not

Austin: Yeah, it doesn't work

Rachel: Aligned with- God's priorities for you. So your personal relationship with God, then your marriage, then your ministry is with everything else. And you can work out the order of everything else.

Austin: Well, yeah. And evidence of that is how many You know, it's the unfortunate age-old story of people getting burned out in ministry and then having either moral failures or even marital issues or family issues, you know because they placed the ministry above their marriage.

Rachel: Yes. Marriage has to be solid.

Austin: Yeah. Your marriage is your first ministry. All the ministries flow from there. So God, our marriage, everything else.

Rachel: All right.

Austin: Okay, so number nine. Hurting people hurt people. It's important to understand that happy and whole and grounded people don't need to make other people feel pain or hurt to make themselves feel anything they want to feel. So if you're interacting with someone and your story is that they're trying to hurt you or harm you or fight you, it's because they are hurting. And if you can realize that, it actually starts an upward spiral. Because a lot of times there's this gap between anger and curiosity, and there's that little space where we have the choice to respond the way that we want to respond. And if we can get curious about things and go, "Huh that person is acting like they are trying to harm me or trying to hurt me or trying to insult me. I bet they are hurting." And then when you shift your perspective on their When you assign a different label to their behavior, like that person is hurting, so that's why they're hurting others, then it immediately gives you a shift in your heart's posture so that you can be more empathetic, more patient, more loving, more gracious, and start to tell yourself a better story versus, like, oh, they Versus thinking they must be a bad person 'cause they're hurting other people to they must be a wounded person.

Rachel: Yeah. Talk about a superpower. This is a superpower. And part of being what we call unplugged from the matrix because you're not at the mercy of what other people say, think, or do. There's more on this, right? Each of these points could be a podcast episode.

Austin: Yeah. And maybe they will be.

Rachel: Maybe they will be. But when you can see people, this is like seeing people through the eyes of Christ, you know? Like, he sees, aww you're, you're hurting. So superpower. So number 10, everything is either an act of love or a cry for love. So, you know, in your marriage, if your spouse is anything less than loving then this is a good opportunity for you to think, "Hmm, I wonder how they are crying for love. How can I give them more love?"

Austin: Yeah. Yeah, most behavior really can be put into two buckets. It's either an act of love or a cry for love. You know? And so generally, we're either acting out of love because we feel good, like we feel good about ourselves, we feel like we're in tune with God or in tune with our spouse. And then so if your spouse is acting in any way other than that, then generally they're not feeling in love. So they're acting in a place where they're trying to get love. Well, if the behavior is not constructive and it feels like it's negative, well they want love so bad, they're, they're in so much fear, they don't know how to ask for what they want. So it's a powerful indicator of It's, it's a significant indicator of how much love or grace our spouse needs. Because if they're not, like you said, if they're anything less than their normal, loving, whole, happy, fruits of the spirit type self then we know something's going on.

And if we're not asking for what we want in our marriage, then we're in fear. And if they're in fear, they're probably feeling pretty low. So then if they say something, you know, put whatever label you want on it. They say something unkind or something snarky or sarcastic or something. Well, I would argue they're probably not acting, in love. They're probably acting, they're crying for love. And so if they're not voicing what they want, they're probably really hurting. So it's a great opportunity to be like, "Huh, my really sweet, loving spouse is not acting that way right now. I wonder what's going on, and how can I be the love of Christ to them right now?"

Rachel: Yes. This is also a great way to get curious for yourself. If you notice yourself not doing some something d doing something less than loving then you can get curious of, okay, how am I crying for love, and what request can I just make known? And just ask for what you want.

Austin: All right, 11, an empty cup cannot fill the cup of another. This is really, really important. We want to make sure that we are giving to our spouse out of our overflow, not from what sustains us. Okay? Because if we give from what sustains us, that's when we typically dry out and get burned out and snap and break and do things that don't align with our values and don't align with who we are. You know? I mean, there's so many perspectives and analogies in scripture about our cup overflowing. When we're so focused on God and we're so focused on being filled with the love of Christ then we have overflow. Okay? Think Psalm 23, "My cup overfloweth." And so when we can give from our overflow, then we don't get burned out. Okay? And an empty cup cannot fill the cup of another. And a lot of people, they have this value of, well, I want to serve others, and I want to be loving, and I want to be this, and I want to support and serve.

Well, if that's your value- Your value criterion, the way that you're actually going to achieve that, has to be sustainable. And giving from your sustenance is not sustainable. Giving from your overflow is what's sustainable. Okay? So if you're making sure that you're seeking Christ and Christ is filling you and Christ is sustaining you, you will always have overflow to give. But you cannot give to another what is not within you.

Rachel: Yeah. That's why, again, number eight, God, our marriage, everything else being filled with the Holy Spirit. All right. Number 12. This one's juicy. Most judgment hides projection. If you can just remember this, most judgment hides projection, especially for yourself. When you're judging your spouse or judging others, I mean, we'll do this with each other. We keep each other accountable. Like, "Hmm, I notice you're being judgmental." "I wonder what you're feeling about yourself." "I wonder what you're projecting where this is coming from." And it's a good introspection and way to view other people with grace again.

Austin: Yeah. Generally, when you're being judgmental, you're telling a story about someone else's behavior, right? And you're assigning meaning to someone's behavior, or you're assigning motive to someone's behavior, or you're assigning their value based on their behavior. Well, that's you not being present. Okay? That's you making up things. That's you not being in the present moment with someone. You're making up things about someone. And the only time you typically feel the need to do all that investigating is when you see something in someone else that you also see in yourself.

Rachel: Bingo.

Austin: Okay? So, like, Rachel and I like to play this game called Spot the Projection. And I remember one time we were walking through this parking lot and some guy had, like, double parked his really nice truck at the end of the parking lot. And I was like, "Ugh, look at that guy. Double parked himself over the line." And Rachel just laughs and laughs and laughs because I'm kind of a car guy, and, there's been times in my life where I've been a little entitled with how I've parked in a parking lot. You know, I'm, I'm not gonna lie. I had this whole technique worked out in high school at how I got really close parking spots. It's a long story. And so But I, I totally noticed this guy's double parking because I know there's a part of myself that's also shared the tendency from time to time to think the rules don't really apply to me in the parking lot. So, most judgment hides projection.

So next time you're judging your spouse or judging someone else, ask yourself, "Have I ever struggled with that thing? Have I ever been that person? Can I relate to how I'm assigning meaning or value to that person?"

Rachel: Mm-hmm. And your ego at first will be like, "No, no, no, no. No." But stick with it and get curious and get more curious, and you'll figure out the connection. And it'll be life-changing.

Austin: Yeah, exactly. Okay, so 13, our last but not least final one-liner: fear cannot be present where love is. Okay? when we are loving deeply, we cast out fear. Okay? Fear cannot be present where there is a lot of love. And generally, love is the thing that overcomes fear, okay? We think about scripture, of course, you know,

Rachel: Perfect love casts out fear

Austin: Yeah, perfect love casts out fear. Yep. and so a lot of people resist love because of fear, the fear of intimacy, fear of being hurt fear of being judged, fear of being ab fear of being abandoned. And love is the only thing that can displace that level of fear. And, and there's so many different, even pictures from movies or books or, or illustrations I could give here, but I mean, everyone who's listening, think of the last time you watched love overcome the impossible, okay? Like, I think about Ezekiel when, you know, G- Ezekiel's prophesying, God through him and he says, you know, "I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. I will put my spirit in you. you'll learn to walk in my ways. You will be my people, and I will be your God." You know? It's like, "I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh." A lot of people have a heart of stone.

Their heart is hard, okay? They've, they've turned away from not just God, but from love. And it's only love, okay, it's only through the love given to us first by God that we can overcome. Right? Like, think about the times where, you know, you had this, an angry, fearful person, but the only thing reason wouldn't necessarily overcome them. Logic wouldn't necessarily overcome their, their, fear, you know? Or rational thinking or threats or violence. Okay, it's typically not those things that overcome fear. It's just love. And so any time in your marriage if you are sensing fear, it means that love is not abounding presently as it could be. Okay? So when you're feeling fear, look for where love is missing. 'Cause you can displace fear with love.

Rachel: Yeah. And this is something that you can do and source because the Holy Spirit is ready and available. Just like you said, he's waiting for us just to ask. And so if love isn't present, this is, this is a one-liner. God is love. But it means so much. It encapsulates so much. There's so much to be said on that. So, you know, perfect love casts out fear, so God casts out fear, his presence, his love. And so when you are feeling fearful, like, "I'm scared to say this," or, "I don't wanna upset my spouse by sharing something," or my emotions, you know, whatever it is that you're feeling fearful of, inviting the Holy Spirit in that and accepting his love over you and letting his love, like allowing it to truly fill your heart and f receiving that, not in a head knowledge, but a felt sense in your body that is transformational. And through that, it'll come out on your spouse, like your cup will overfloweth.

Austin: Yep, that's right. Okay. All right. Well, let's go through all of our one-liners real quick, just line by line.

Rachel: Yes, let

Austin: Tell people, remember. Okay, so I'll go first. Number one, there's no glass ceiling except the one you put there.

Rachel: Number two, the only time you get hit in the face with a log is when you swim upstream.

Austin: Number three, it's not your birthday party.

Rachel: Number four, with great responsibility comes great power.

Austin: Five, what we focus on we get more of.

Rachel: Six, what we appreciate appreciates.

Austin: Seven, commitment is recommitment.

Rachel: Eight, God, our marriage, everything else

Austin: Nine, hurting people hurt people

Rachel: 10, everything is either an act of love or a cry for love

Austin: 11, an empty cup cannot fill the cup of another

Rachel: 12, most judgment hides projection

Austin: 13, fear cannot be present where love is

Rachel: Yes. Okay, so we're gonna share our nonprofit shout-out, then we're gonna reveal our freebie to you. So today's nonprofit shout-out is Joni and Friends, and we'll have the link in the bio or in the description, and it's joniandfriends.org. Since 1979, Joni and Friends has committed to reaching and serving people with disabilities with practical help, I love, love, love this, with practical help and the saving love of Jesus. So with every wheelchair and Bible delivered, every retreat and respite event held, and every church mobilized, so they equip churches to integrate and honor people with disabilities, they are responding to the call in Luke 14, which is what their founding and mission scripture is. It says, "Go out quickly into the streets and alleys of the town and bring in the poor, the crippled, the blind, and the lame. Go out to the roads and country lanes and compel them to come in so that my house will be full." I just love that. So we're inviting you, encouraging you to d join us in donating to Joni and Friends. $5 or whatever the Lord is putting on your heart, just as a way to be the hands and feet of Jesus, to support them to be the hands and feet of Jesus.

Austin: Yep, that's right. Yep, so make sure that you go and check out joniandfriends.org. As Rachel said, the link will be in the description below. So your action item today has to do with the little freebie we're gonna give you. So we have a link in the description of this episode that you can go to download a free PDF that's gonna have all 13 of these one-liners listed for you. And your action item is go download the free PDF, print it, put it somewhere you're gonna see and every week for the next 13 weeks, just circle the next one on the list and just focus on that thing for the next week, 'kay? If you can take these one-liners, and hey, if you're really hardcore, do one a day for the next 13 days. But in the, in the, the spirit of learning things over time so you can really integrate them, we encourage you, take one of these one-liners and apply it to your life every week for the next 13 weeks.

So go to the link in the description, download our PD- PDF, print it, put it somewhere you're gonna see, get a Sharpie so you can circle each one and, see how your marriage and life might change.

Rachel: Yes. We love that a lot of our listeners are action takers. And we are action takers, and I love stuff like this. So we've created this for you so you can print it and really just apply it and let it integrate into your heart, soul, mind, and strength.

Austin: Yep. Well, thank you for watching this episode, this special, anniversary episode of our podcast. Yes, love you. 13 years down, 90 more to go. so thank you guys for being on this, or watching, listening to this episode. Please be sure to give it a like, comment, subscribe, rating, whatever platform you're on.

Rachel: Yeah, we'd love to hear from you.

Austin: Yes, we'd love to hear from you. Drop a comment below if you're on YouTube. We are praying and believing that you are investing in your marriage in a whole new way, after listening to this podcast today. So, we appreciate you being here. We love that you're prioritizing your marriage by listening. We pray for you often and hope to have you on the next episode.