The 3 Keys to Becoming an Irresistible Wife

Transcribed from the episode audio and lightly edited for readability. Speaker labels are automated and may occasionally be off.

Rachel: Ladies, have you ever wondered how you could be even more irresistible to your husband? Are you curious if there is anything that you could do to really further your marriage, further your connection, and just really draw your husband's heart towards yours? If so, stay tuned to this episode, and don't forget to listen to the end for three really easy, actionable steps for you to take.

Austin: Welcome to the Conscious Christian Marriage podcast, where we help driven Christian couples level up every area of their life through their marriage. We are your hosts, Austin and Rachel Holt, and we are super excited to have you on today.

Rachel: Yes. So if you didn't listen last week, we recorded an episode with the opposite perspective, where I asked Austin some questions about how to become an irresistible husband. And today, or, or he asked me. You asked me. But today, I'm going to be asking Austin what are some things that the wives can do to become irresistible to their husbands. So

Austin: And if you are, watching today on YouTube, please drop a comment in the comments below. We'd love to know more about you, where you're from, what's your favorite food, how'd you meet your spouse what other topics you wanna hear. So please be sure to drop us a comment. Drop us a like. If you're listening today on any of our podcast platforms, please be sure to like, to rate, to subscribe. Do all the things, because it helps us reach more couples like you. So your participation in that is vital to helping us reach more and more people. So thank you for being on today. Thank you for listening or for watching. Who knows? Maybe you are on the way to work. Maybe you're on the way to church. Maybe you're sitting at home. Maybe you're working out. who maybe you're getting your goats unstuck from the fence, which has been, on our radar a lot lately. But we won't talk about that in this episode. That's an after dark, lamenting episode.

So, but one of the things that we like to do, to kick off every single episode we do here at the Conscious Christian Marriage podcast is appreciate each other. And Rachel and I do this for a lot of reasons. Number one, we love appreciating each other because, well, we love each other. two, we like to give you guys additional ammo and thoughts and perspectives and examples on how to appreciate your spouse. And three, we just love to, teach everybody how important and powerful it is just to be thinking about appreciations and to be giving them. Okay? Because who we appreciate, appreciates. That's a superpower God gave all of us, okay? Every time you look at your spouse and you appreciate them, they're becoming more valuable. And that's something you can do 17 times a day. So if you wanna become 17 times more valuable to your spouse today, just appreciate each other. So there you go.

Rachel: All right, I'll go first.

Austin: All right.

Rachel: Austin, I really appreciate how you were wrestling with Malachi today. I love the relationship you have with him, and how

Austin: He is fierce.

Rachel: Yes. How you have nurtured It's like two, two appreciations in one. You've nurtured him to be a man and get out his masculine by being rough and tumble and, and wrestling and, you know, kinda rr, doing the whole thing. But you also teach him to respect and care for the feminine in his life. So, you know, it's just you and him against four feminines. Not against, but, you know. There's two masculines

Austin: Coexisting with

Rachel: Coexisting.

Austin: Developing amongst.

Rachel: Yes, with four feminine. And so you help bring out the masculine in him while also nurturing the side that cares for the feminine and leads the feminine. And so, you know, values you've instilled in Malachi are, you know, you protect Mama. You protect the girls. You don't hurt them. You keep people from hurting them. You, you know, you kill the bear. Whatever it is, you, you keep them safe. And Malachi tells me I'm beautiful all the time because you tell him to tell me that. And

Austin: He also sneak attack licks you, too which I did teach him It's pretty cute and pretty funny when he does it.

Rachel: That can also be in the after dark lamenting .

Austin: Yeah. Right, yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah, that's right.

Rachel: Now we have to do an episode.

Austin: Like, like today, today literally I was like, "Malachi, go tell Mom she's beautiful." She's like, "I'll lick her." I was like, "Don't lick her, son."

Rachel: Why?

Austin: He runs up and licks your shoulder, and he's like, "You're beautiful." I was like, "Well, he did half of it."

Rachel: I'm like, "Honey, he does this in public. We've gotta stop."

Austin: Yeah, it's, it's great though.

Rachel: Anyway, so but today, Caroline, our sweet five-year-old, came out of her room all dressed and ready to go for her little date with you this morning.

Austin: Donuts with Dad.

Rachel: Yes, it was so cute. And I said, "Oh, Caroline," and before I could say anything else, Malachi goes, " You're so beautiful."

Austin: Aw.

Rachel: And he just meant it from the bottom of his heart, and Caroline lit up.

Austin: Aw.

Rachel: So anyway, I know that's longer than usual, but I really wanted to share that because it blesses me, and I'm watching Malachi blossom into, I mean, a three-year-old young man. But the values you've already instilled in him is like, yes, this is why I prayed for the Lord to bless you with a son to raise into a warrior that's chivalrous and, like, honors the Lord. So thank you for that. I am loving it.

Austin: I appreciate that, and I appreciate that you notice, because that is my intention, is to raise him with both of those spirits in mind. Like, I want him to be a warrior. I want him to fight. I want him to stand up. I want him to draw lines in the sand. I want him to be that type of man, and then I also want him to be soft and tender and know how to really truly take his time to see the feminine, to love the feminine, to honor the feminine, and so. Well, one thing that I really appreciate about you, this is just really fresh in my mind, over this last weekend, we had a, one of our social event hangouts for our CCM members where we had all these amazing couples come into town, and local couples as well, and just come spend a couple days at our house. And I just really appreciate, one- Just the amazing level of care that you put into designing and organizing these events.

It's kind of more of like the feminine nurturer, micro detail thing that you do and I love it 'cause then I can focus on vision. And, but I really appreciate how you poured into every woman that came to this event and how you were so thoughtful with what you did for like the ladies only portion of the event. And it shows because so many women have reached out to us since the event and been like, "Wow, cannot believe how powerful that was. Our time together was so moving and impactful." And I just love your heart for women. Even today, multiple times today you've talked to other women on the phone who had a question or women that you're, you're working with or that are in our program that just needed someone to talk to, and you just enrich their lives. And I'm just so thankful that we get to do that together because a lot of people are not able to zoom out from their own world long enough to be available to be present with other people.

And I just love that so many women know that if they are in need, that Rachel Holt is who they call. And I'm just proud to call you my wife. So I just appreciate your heart for details, for hosting, for nurturing, for facilitating, creating spaces, and then just for being an incredible friend and mentor to so many women. It's very cool.

Rachel: Thank you. I receive that. With a handshake.

Austin: With a handshake. You better receive it.

Rachel: Mm, this is a good way to re oh, receive appreciation. You tickled me. All right, all right.

Austin: All right.

Rachel: So that leads us into our topic for today which is the three keys to becoming an irresistible wife. Now I wanna just say that you as the feminine, you are incredible, you are lovely, you are created in his image, and so you are irresistible. However, there may be some things that you're doing that are pushing your husband away and some tweaks you could make that would draw him closer. So this is kind of a fun, funny title, however, it does, it is accurate that you can be more irresistible to your husband and just draw his heart closer to yours. So I'm really excited to hear Austin, what a husband wants from his wife so that she is truly irresistible.

Austin: Mm. Great question. Had no idea this was coming. couple things I wanna say. First of all, if you're a woman listening to this and you're thinking, "Hey, I'm already a rockstar wife- I already got this on lockdown." Then you should just listen to this episode to make sure that you already know everything that we're gonna share 'cause you probably already know. But you should listen to make sure. Reverse psychiatry. and second

Rachel: He knows how to say psychology.

Austin: Yeah. If you're a woman listening to this podcast and you have a humble, coachable, willing heart, I really do believe that we'll say at least one thing today that will move the needle, in your marriage. And and so that's the first thing I wanna say. And the second thing I wanna say is I'm gonna mention three keys today. And the one key that's underlying all of it that I hope is a given is godliness. All right? So being that we're the Conscious Christian Marriage Podcast, I wanna make just a light assumption that most of the women listening to this episode, or men listening to this episode, though this is geared towards, towards women, is that, you understand the value of being a godly woman, a godly wife. Okay? And so 'Cause I could see some people being like, "why didn't you mention that as a key?" I'm hoping that if you're listening to this podcast, that's the foundational key that you are ascribing to is to be a godly woman.

So the third thing I wanna say is that even though a lot of what I'm gonna share today comes from my experience, meaning how I experience you, like you embody these three keys like really, really well, what I'm gonna share today is also based on my work with a lot of couples. Okay? 'Cause I could, I could pick like 12. There could be like 12 really great keys to, a wife being irresistible. And I'm picking three today that again, are things that you really, really embody really well, but also this is based on the conversations and feedback that we've had with lots of couples over lots of years now. So again, this is not just my kinda anecdotal experiential advice. This is based on lots of conversations, okay, with people in our members program, with couples that you and I meet with two on two, where these like really coachable, like driven women are like, "Hey, like I'd like to know, like how do I continue to become the best wife I can be?"

And we're able to share our perspective with them. And so this advice is both my experience and definitely my preference, okay, it just happens to be my preference, okay?

Rachel: Juicy.

Austin: But it's also based on helping a lot of couples. And feedback we get pretty often from men and women is that you are able to give men perspective, and I'm able to give women perspective too, okay? Like you're able to give men perspective on like, hey guys, like if you wanna be irresistible husbands, AKA last week's episode, here's some thoughts from the feminine. And then I can say, hey women, if you wanna be an irresistible wife, here's some perspective from the masculine. And the last thing I'll say before we tee this up, or fully tee this up I guess, is that you might be sitting there listening to this episode thinking, "I've never experienced a really healthy masculine in my life," and so it might be hard for you to maybe take advice or to take perspective from a masculine. And so one, I am sorry if your experience has been that you have not had really great, a really great felt sense of safety, trust, et cetera, with a masculine teaching or giving advice, and it's my prayer that I can be that today.

It's my prayer that like as I share from the masculine's perspective to try to encourage the feminine, that everyone would see my heart in that- And that if in the past you've ever struggled with the, the masculine teaching or telling things that you could give me the benefit of the doubt, and that I represent a more whole and integrated place of the masculine. So. Okay, so again, first of all, godliness is the ultimate key. Okay? So make sure I say that, ultimate key. Proverbs 31 woman. Okay. But there's three keys that I wanna talk about today. So key number one is femininity. Okay? What makes you, Rachel, irresistible, and I know from talking to lots of men, what makes their wives irresistible is true femininity. Okay? And there's so much discussion we could talk about with femininity and feminism and all these things. We could just get fully lost in it. Okay? We are very pro-women. We're very pro-women's rights. We're very pro-women doing incredible things, okay?

We might just see the role, the place, the strength of power and how women win differently than probably the world does.

Rachel: Yeah, definitely.

Austin: Okay? We see it from a, a biblical perspective. We also see it from a modern biblical perspective. Okay? But I believe that true femininity is being in this place of wanting to be the feminine to the masculine. Okay? And we could talk about how the feminine needs to be masculine sometimes. That's a different conversation. This conversation today is understanding true femininity means I want to be the feminine to the masculine in my life. Meaning she wants to be led. She wants to be guided. She trusts the leadership of her masculine, and in that she finds peace. She finds stability. She finds safety. Okay? You know, again, there's times where the feminine has to be masculine because the masculine in her life has let her down, and I- I feel bad when that happens. And sometimes it happens beyond anyone's control. We've known good women who had good husbands who died in car wrecks. Okay? And so sometimes the masculine disappears, and the feminine has to shift to adapt.

Because the feminine will survive. Feminine, the feminine is a great survivor. But true femininity means that she recognizes the way that she wins is different, the way that she feels joy is different, the way that she finds purpose is different, and it's not to compete with the masculine. It's to complement the masculine. God made women way better at men than a lot of things, and God made men way better than women at a lot of things, okay? These are part of the innate aspects of the masculine and the feminine. And so what makes you irresistible to me is that when you love stepping into the feminine to my masculine. Okay? Where, again, you wanna be led. You want me to guide you. You want my leadership in your life, and you take pride and joy in that. It's like, "Yeah, I'm the female, and he's the male. Like, he looks out for me. He protects me. He he provides for me. He looks out for me.

He shields me from pain. He shields me from suffering, and I love that." Okay? He doesn't quiet my voice, but his voice is strong. He doesn't quiet my significance, but he has powerful significance. He doesn't make me inferior, but he is superior in ways that turn me on.

Rachel: Mm-hmm. This reminds me of early in our marriage when, something happened with someone, and they were, like, cussing me out on the phone. And I was trying to handle it, but you're like, "Give me the phone." And, and you handled it for me, and I loved that. And it was like, I could have managed it on my own. But you were like, "No one talks to my wife that way," and then came in and, and managed it. And then that person's r relations were like, "I can't believe you let him speak for you," and all this stuff.

Austin: Yeah, and then that person's marriage ended a few years later, so there's a side note on that.

Rachel: Right, but it's like, no, I loved that. Like, I have no problem standing up for myself, but I love when my husband stands up for me. And that's what good husbands do. And I'm super thankful for him, so.

Austin: Yeah, and I love when you relax into that place of femininity, okay? And, and that's just one aspect of it. A another part of true feminine is you love to nurture our world. You get to y- I mean, you are such a better nurturer than me. It's a skill set you have on a level that I just don't have. You love to nurture our, our whole world, our home, our kids, our whole ecosystem, and I love that you love that. And unfortunately, feminism tries to teach women, I, I promise I'm not gonna get on any giant pontification soapboxes here. But feminism has actually ruined so many good opportunities for women in our country. Has

Rachel: Like the world standard of f yeah

Austin: Yeah, the world standard has, has ruined opportunities for women. You know how many, late 40s, 50s-year-old women out there that are single and are now struggling to find a relationship they've craved their whole life, but they were told they didn't need? I mean, again, I could just go way off on that. But feminism has taught women you don't need men. You know, boo on men and their, abuse of power and this and leadership and all these things. And most of the people saying that are alone, and they don't have what women actually want. I, I wanna give everyone some really good advice here. You could actually just stop the episode after this. Only take advice from people you wanna be like. So if you wanna be alone, if you wanna be some i, i if you wanna be a power boss babe, king of the world woman who needs no man, who needs no protection, who needs no nothing, go learn from them. Don't learn from us 'cause we're not gonna be the right teachers for you.

If you wanna be a woman who has an incredible marriage, who has a, a husband who will move heaven and Earth for her who will fight wars for her, who will bleed i no matter what it takes to make sure that she is, taken care of, thriving, thriving, feels beautiful, feels loved, knows her value, knows all these great things, keep listening. 'Cause that's what we're about. and so I love that you have chosen to embody that, to embody the true essence, the true Biblical essence of what it means to be a feminine woman. You love to be protected. You love to be fought for. You love to be provided for. Okay? And because of that, look at the fruit of your life. Okay? You you you have a great marriage. You live in a beautiful home. You have beautiful kids. Okay? You're healthy. And, and, and these are, lots of these are, are gifts from God. I'm, I'm not saying that just because you and I have some magical equation.

This is God's equation. That's, that's what it is, okay? But because you have focused more on understanding Biblical femininity, it's gotten you everything you've ever wanted. And feminists are trying to get a certain thing but they're just going about it the wrong way.

Rachel: Yeah. Can I say something? This conversation I've been having with a lot of women lately, because there is that s pendulum swing of maybe how we were raised. If you were raised in the church, there's this, like, submissive wife, be a doormat. Maybe that's been modeled for a lot of women, where it's like, oh, your voice doesn't matter. Just submit. You know, you're not really important, and your role is just supporting your husband. That has really messed up a lot of women in, in even just their fear of becoming lost. And fear of being submissive means I don't have a voice, or I'm not important, or, you know, submitting to my husband means, like, I'm not as important as him or as significant as him. And I just wanna encourage the women listening, if that's any part of your story or you've wondered or wrestled with that at any point, to think of kind of everything that we're talking about today as your superpower. Like, God didn't make men and women the same.

And this is very, very, present in our culture right now. If you're a Christian, you know God did not make men and women the same, so he didn't make your roles the same. You know, we know this. Two people can't drive a car, you know, all that stuff, but it doesn't mean you're less significant. But your husband is, like, if we're talking like me and you, you're, like, way more talented than me in things like you're very smart, you have a lot of gifts and skillsets, and instead of comparing myself to you, or, or, you know, how much you provide or, or, you know, really apples to oranges you and I, it's not about that. It's about I get to support you in that. And I can still have a job. I can still do impactful things. However, you hold the, ultimately, the weight of the world on your shoulders in our universe. Which also a lot of women don't understand with their husbands, and a lot of husbands aren't letting their wives into that which I'm really thankful that you have let me into that.

However, the men, everything s stops at them. So if your marriage is failing, ultimately, it's his responsibility. If

Austin: Do you hear that, guys?

Rachel: If your income

Austin: 'Cause I agree with that.

Rachel: Yeah. If you guys are struggling financially, ultimately, it's on his shoulders. If your children are not following the Lord, ultimately, it's on his shoulders.

Austin: It's on his shoulders.

Rachel: Everything ends with him, and so you don't have that weight, wives. Like, you don't know what that feels like. Your husbands do every single day. However, this is a superpower.

Austin: And they're probably not telling you how heavy it is.

Rachel: They are not, likely. And this is a superpower that you as the wife can have is supporting him and encouraging him, and it's not that you're lesser. It's, "This is this awesome thing that I get to do. This is a privilege-" "to support my husband in a way," you know, if you think of My Big Fat Greek Wedding. "The man is the head, but the wife is the neck. She can turn the head any way she wants." But if you think of that not in a manipulative way, but like, "I have a superpower."

Austin: In a collaborative way, yeah.

Rachel: Yeah. I get to support my husband, and in return, he literally will fight to the death for me which is amazing, so keep listening.

Austin: Well, and, and think about it like this, too. Like, what's more significant, the flashlight, shining light, or the batteries? You know?

Rachel: They're both important.

Austin: They're both important, okay? Like, and, and so I as a masculine may be the one shining the light, but you are as, as much of my source of battery and strength as a lot of things, you know? And so

Rachel: A necessity

Austin: A necessity. Right. And so, and, and I, and, and I wanna say this, too. The Church has failed miserably in both properly demonstrating theology, contextual, historical theology, and realizing that men and women are equal in God's eyes. The Church has done a bad job with inequality between genders. They have done that, okay? our church does not do that. I, I'm very thankful to be a part of a church that sees men, men and women as very equal. But when you go back through scripture that talks about women are not supposed to teach in church, not supposed to read the Bible or teach men or any of these things, you have to understand theology to understand not even theology. You just have to understand some historical context to understand those scriptures and what they actually mean. But unfortunately, the Church has taken theology too lightly, has taken hermeneutics, exege exegesis, all the, all the fancy ways to look at the Bible and read it and, and, and, and bring it into our understanding, not serious enough, okay?

The Bible is not saying that women are not important, not significant, or not able to, speak the word or preach the word. That's not what the

Rachel: Think about the prophet Deborah So many cool women in the Bible.

Austin: We could just go on and on. You know, if you're, if you're thinking about Ephesus, you have to learn about Ephesus before that scripture makes a lotta sense, 'kay? That's another conversation. But the Church has not done a great job of making sure that, there has been equality for women in the Church. 'Kay? and so, but, we have made a lot of effort in that way, and we truly honor all contributions that women make in and outside of the Church. And so other aspects about femininity, is realizing, like- You know, again, Rachel, like I love that you work. Like, you have a job with The Conscious Christian Marriage. and you help change lives. So you have a job, you make money, and that's awesome, okay? You also have other titles like mother, wife, homemaker, and those are the greatest titles you can have. I will not make any apology for that. I will not pander anyone for that. A woman's greatest title is not Boss Babe.

It's not. And, and I just I want women to get to experience what it's like. I believe that men can lead their wives in such a way to where she doesn't have to work if she doesn't want to, that she can be with in the home, she can be with her kids. I believe that. I, I, I do that, and other men w that we work with do that. And I believe that is a powerful, powerful place of leadership that men can step into. And so if women, if you're listening to this and you work, that's great. If you make money, that's great. You contribute to the finances, that's great. Maybe you're the breadwinner in your, in your marriage, and that's a thing, too, okay? And I believe that's an amazing title. But I believe that God made you to enjoy the title of homemaker, wife, mother, daughter of God daughter of the king, that you can enjoy on an entirely different level because that is the closest to your essence that you're ever going to be.

Rachel: Yeah, and I wanna say if, if you struggle with enjoying that, then that means there's something there to heal.

Austin: There's something there, yeah.

Rachel: Because your design and your makeup, the way that God created you, is to enjoy those things, is to enjoy nurturing and, and being the nurturing, loving presence to your home, to your family, to your children, if you have them. And so if that is really stressful for you or painful or brings anxiety, then that's a place to focus on in healing and growth.

Austin: That's right. So again, I want all the women out here to really understand what I'm saying when I say this. If you work, that's awesome. You make money, that's awesome. And I think that's really powerful, and I think that's a really cool way for you to experience God's goodness in your life and have fun and all those things. And I want you to also, again, understand that God made you in your essence to love to nurture, to love to make a home to love to be those batteries to the flashlight of a masculine to be the feminine to your masculine to enjoy what it's like to nurture things. And maybe you don't have kids. There's other things that you're nurturing. That's part of the feminine essence. We've seen it through I, I, if you wanna look at a, a commonality in all history of all time in all cultures, you can see the masculine and the feminine. All cultures. Okay? And I'm sure someone's gonna be like, "Well, what about the Click Click tribe in this country?"

Okay, you got me. All right, I didn't know about them, all right? But for every major civilization, you can see the thread of masculine and feminine through cave paintings, where you can see the feminine making homes, nursing children, okay, making meals, making a home, okay while the men are fighting wars. Okay? That's because it's in their nature. It's in their DNA. Okay? There is something very powerful. Again, what makes you, Rachel, very irresistible to me And, and, and, and you are a boss babe on a lot of levels. Like

Rachel: I was gonna say

Austin: You

Rachel: Snap, snap, snap.

Austin: Snap, snap. Yep. Snap, snap, snap. Okay? Rachel, you have built businesses before. You've built successful companies before. you have done I mean, you were one of the top wedding photographers in Kansas City for a long time. Like, you've done consulting work. Like, you've done coaching work for, really incredible people. And you could do that to the moon and back. But I know what lights you up more than that is, is facilitating a home where we hold hands and have dinner together and pray together in the evenings. And because of you, because of your kind of glue and intention that you are in our family, we do that. It's not in my nature to be in all those tiny little nurture details. It's in yours, and you do it, and you crush it. So

Rachel: Thank you

Austin: Lastly on the feminine, I love that, Rachel, when you are You're so flowy. You like to dance. You like to smile. You giggle. You love wearing these dresses. And I know it's cliche, the feminine in dresses and all that. But there's just something about you, that you just enjoy being in that beautiful, kind of artistic, flowy nature that you have, where you love colors. You love soft, fuzzy things. You love decorating. You love all the aspects of It's like when, especially when a woman is secure, and we're gonna talk about that, and she's secure and safe in her feminine something comes alive. And so if some of that typical feminine stuff sounds like ew, icky to you my money is going to be that you have an experience in your past that has colored you and maybe made it, ma made you avoidant to what it means to truly be feminine. 'Cause let me say this. And I'm gonna say this with zero apology. The happiest couples I know masculine man, feminine woman.

Husband is the primary worker. She is the primary homemaker. The best couples I know. Now, we know a lot of amazing couples that those roles look a little bit different. But the sum average of the most amazing couples we know, that's what her life woul th that's what their wife I'm sorry. I'm not even gonna edit this out 'cause I'm human. That's what their life looks like. And again, I want you all listening to think about what you want your life to look like. That's what Rachel and I have. If you want that, keep listening. If you don't want that, no hard feelings. You can go learn from someone else. But that's how we run our world. And because of it, I, through the grace of God, have been able to give Rachel an incredible life, and Rachel, through the grace of God, has been able to give me an incredible home, incredible kids, and an incredible marriage. So if you want that, we can give it to you.

We can help you get that. If you don't want that, if you want this high competition where you're both in these executive personas fighting each other for, to get every last word in, to fight each other who's more significant, to fight each other who makes more money, to fight each other on who's gonna do this, who's gonna take out the trash versus who's gonna all that, if that's the world you want, believe me, there's plenty of other people that'll take your money. Let's move on. Okay. the last thing actually on femininity is I love that you are full of emotion I love it. I love the dynamics. I love the flavors

Rachel: The who

Austin: Of your emotions.

Rachel: So many flavors.

Austin: I know. I love it. I love it because I'm secure in my masculine

Rachel: Yes, that's what I was gonna say

Austin: I love, I love when you're a little tornado sometimes.

Rachel: Oh, boy.

Austin: I love it. Okay, let's move on. So key number two is that, Rachel, one thing that makes you very irresistible to me, so we've got feminine, and number two is that you are my place of peace.

Rachel: Tell me more about that.

Austin: Yes. I can fight all the wars for you. I can fight our wars. Okay? The wars of finance and work and taxes and protection and,

Rachel: Relational

Austin: Relational, everything. I can, I can do all of that. I can shoulder everything that it takes, okay? I can be that strong, solid man for you, for our family, for our kids. I can go and build fences. I can go and get animals

Rachel: Can

Austin: Unstuck from the fences.

Rachel: I do.

Austin: I can go, shoot raccoons in the night with a BB gun that are attacking our chickens, 'kay? I can do all of those things. I can trudge through the mud. I can wade through the waters. I can do all those things. I can take the entire weight of our family's needs, desires, dreams, liabilities, all of that. I can do all that, and I'm not saying I can't do that if you can't be this thing for me, but it makes all of that easy when you're my place of peace. Okay? When you are my place of peace, I can do all of that.

Rachel: Okay. How am I your place of peace?

Austin: So every day when I kinda hang my hat up for the day, when I kind of, I kinda get out of work mode, I get out of, like, masculine driving mode, which of course I enter into a different mode of that when I'm with you and the kids, and we're loving each other and wrestling and having fun and having dinner and praying together and worshiping together, what, all of our night and evening routine-type stuff. But man, when I'm done fighting wars and shouldering everything it's the little things. It's like when you bring me a cup of coffee, it's when you bring me a cold drink, when you put my head in your lap, and you just scratch my head with your fingers or when you look at me calmly, and you're like, "Hey, I love you," and you're this place of peace in my world. Because outside of the home, I'm dealing with stress. As the masculine, your world, quote, unquote, "is probably, probably should be stressful."

Okay, if you are responding to God's calling on your life, this is for the men, if you're responding to the calling God has on your life, you are probably climbing mountains, 'kay? You are probably conquering mountains, 'kay? You are bringing impact into the world. Your day is gonna look full. It's gonna look, it's gonna look impactful. It might look heavy. It might look stressful. It might look difficult. It might look tiresome. It's gonna look significant. It's gonna look meaningful. It's gonna look intense. Men get to expel their energy in a way that moves the world forward. Okay? That's what, that's what masculine men are called to do. So outside, I'm doing all that, okay? When I'm home, when I'm with you, the last thing I want to do is fight a battle with you. The last thing I want to do is be at odds with you. The last thing I want to do is have you argue with me. The last thing I want to do is have you tripping over something.

Okay? And this does not

Rachel: Correcting you.

Austin: Yeah, yeah. This does not mean that you can't be struggling. This doesn't mean that you can't have stresses. This doesn't mean that you can't have problems. It doesn't mean that you have to be perfect. Those are all my wars and all my, all my everything. Those are all the things that I will move heaven and earth to support you in. Okay? One thing that you do that makes you just irresistible is when you can tell that I'm tired, I'm spent okay, you are my place of peace.

Rachel: And I just kinda baby you a little bit.

Austin: Sometimes you baby me, and I love it.

Rachel: I'm like, "Okay, okay, what do you want?" "Okay, I'm going to the kitchen. What do you want from the kitchen?"

Austin: Yeah. I love it.

Rachel: Like, "Hey, babe, you lay, you just lay there. I'm gonna put the kids to bed."

Austin: Aww. Oh.

Rachel: That too. Whenever.

Austin: Yes. But yes, you are my place of peace. That makes you And, and, and again, some of this is egg, chicken, chicken, egg, right? We believe that marriage is not 50/50. It's 100/100, period, end of story. You heard it here. So I'm gonna show up for you whether you show up for me. And you do the same for me. And that's why we work so well, okay? But man, you make it so much easier to be the warrior that you want when you are my place of peace. Okay? It makes it Like, this is one thing we tell couples all the time. You might as well set your spouse up for success. Okay? Like, if you wanna have more sex, be sexy. If you wanna communicate better, communicate better. If you wanna be respected, then be respectable, okay? If, if you don't want your spouse to be looking anywhere else, then focus on being an incredible spouse. If you don't want your spouse to be investing in everything else in the world, then invest in your marriage.

Okay? Like, if you want your spouse to see you as a prize, then act like a prize. Okay? If you act like a dud, they might treat you like a dud. I'm not saying that's right. But with enough time, they might treat you like a dud, okay? You and I set each other up for success. So one way, again, I'll fight all the wars whether you're my place of peace or not 'cause I told God I'd do that. Not just you. I told God I would do that. But man, you make it easier when you're my place of peace.

Rachel: This is a great conversation we've been having in the wives group in CCM, and one of the girls was saying how she actually vowed to give him a kiss and a greeting every time he comes home. And so this conversation that we're having, one woman was like, "Hey, my husband kind of " I don't know if she said, you know, you know who you are, so if I misquote you, sorry. Like

Austin: Me

Rachel: "Hey, he doesn't recognize me when I come home," and, or, "When he comes home, he doesn't really, like, come up to me and give me a kiss or even, like, say, 'Hey, how was your day?'" And so I was like, "In the most loving way possible, do you do that for him?" And as the wife, again, this is your superpower. This is a way that when your husband hum, comes home, he's had a long day. I mean, we celebrate when you come home. It's like, "Daddy's home." Like, I make sure the kids know, "Daddy's home." We run to Daddy. We give him hugs. We give him kisses. I always try to drop what I'm doing, unless it's like a boiling pot of water or something, drop what I'm doing to recognize when you're home. And in the same way, 'cause this woman said, "Well, he's usually on the phone when he comes home," and so there can be agreement made, like you just finish phone calls in the car.

So if you're even out in the car, and it's like you're still out in the car, I'll say, "Hey, guys, don't go out there yet, he's on the phone. We'll give him a greeting when he comes home." But that's another way that you start off that place of peace, like and, and even another shift we've been talking about in the wives group is just deciding the food. Instead of your husband comes home and you're like, "Hey, babe, what do you wanna have for dinner?" And he's like, "I've been making decisions, difficult decisions all day long." And so if you as the feminine can just decide ahead of time, "I'm just gonna decide, and I'm gonna make it," and maybe he won't like it, but like he's not gonna have to worry about it.

Austin: Yeah. It

Rachel: And when he comes home, it's this like reward for him, his hard work.

Austin: And even if you both of you were at work all day, okay? It's still in the feminine's nature to make those decisions. The masculine is typically way less picky about that kind of thing. "I don't know, something good." Like sustenance, like, "I'm good." Like, "I've been fighting b battles, wars all day."

Rachel: "I'm hungry."

Austin: Like, "I'm, I'm just hungry," yeah. And so yeah, that's really, really good. I, I appreciate you sharing that. And

Rachel: And it means more to the masculine than we think. Like so much more to us.

Austin: The small things mean so much. So yeah, so you just being my place of peace is a huge one. And again, I will fight all the wars whether you are or not, but man, it makes it way easier when you are my place of peace. When I know that, that I can literally be conquering and going up against everything, but when I'm with you, you're the last person in the world that's trying to fight me on life. That means the world to me. All right, so key number one, femininity. Key number two, being my place of peace. And key number three is being secure. Okay? And this might surprise a few people, but this is really, really important, is you being secure. And by be being secure, what I mean is, number one, you know your beauty. You know your value. You know that you're God's masterpiece, that you know, that you, again, you're the neck, okay? And like you can move the head wherever you want it to go, okay? but you know the value you bring to me.

You know your beauty to me. You know how sacred you are to me. You know how valuable and, and all those things, and from that place, you act. Okay? Like you know that, that my love for you is not contingent on a mistake or stipulated by a mistake. Like you know that like just because you might have messed up for the day, that all of a sudden my love's not gonna go away. Like you are secure in knowing my husband loves me, and I love him. He's f- He, he will, he will just He, he will roll the heads of giants and dragons, to protect me and love me, even if I mess up, even if my hair's not perfect, even if, you know, I'm one pound heavier than I wanted to be or whatever, okay? Is that you're secure. And because you are secure in yourself, okay, it enables a lot of other powerful things. Like number one, and this is what's really im- This is, this to me, guys, this is like maybe part of the kinda climax of this episode, is to understand that when ra when the feminine is secure in herself, she can see through the masculine's moments.

And here's what I mean by that, okay? Contrary to popular belief, I'm not perfect. Okay? That was a joke, everyone, just so you know. there are moments where I lose my cool, okay? I have a little bit of a tone. I'm gonna have a little bit of a volume. Okay? The dragons might have been extra thick that day that I was out slaying.

Rachel: Thick.

Austin: Thick with triple Cs, okay? My, the dragons were thicky thick that day. And I, and I'm just, I'm feeling it. I'm going through it. And there might be some times where I come home, we're doing our thing, and I might just say something, do something, give a look, give a sigh, give a groan that is not my best. And sometimes you do this, not sometimes, a lot of times. It's sometimes I do that, but when I do it, there's times where you'll come up to me and be like, "Hey, I can see that you've had a hard day." And when I know what you're saying is, "I can see you've had a hard day. I'm not gonna let it affect me and that now I need to tailspin." "I'm gonna see it as a sign that you've had a hard day. Maybe you're struggling, and what you don't need is shame. What you really need is encouragement." And that let's just say that a lot of women complain, "My husband's never emotional.

He shows no emotion." Well, if every time your husband's ever angry and you shame him for it you're shaming all his emotions 'cause all emotions come from the same faucet. All of them, happy, sad, angry, sexual, fearful, they all come from the same place. So if every time your husband gets a little frustrated, he's struggling. But if you shame him for it, he's gonna be like, "Okay, I'm just gonna go back to the one thing that my wife never complains about, which is providing." Typically, the feminine doesn't complain about protecting and providing, okay? You've never said to me, "Oh, babe, it's so annoying that you provided this great life for us," and, "Ugh, that, you know, you've been able to help us buy this nice home and, and put our kids in, you know, a great, you know, a homeschool co-ops and b buy us premium Nubian goats," you know? And like it's not like you ever say anything like that. You never say things like, "Babe, thank you for training and conceal carrying and being able to protect our family and, and doing all this medical training and things so that you could help us if something happened."

You never complain about that, right? Women typically never complain about those two things. So when men think they're failing emotionally, relationally, what do they do? They default to the number one and two thing that they're never complained for, which is providing and protecting, okay? And if you complain about how they show up with emotions, they will default to a version of themselves that is just present enough that they can survive. That's it. Okay? And so when women are secure, secure in their value, secure in their worth, secure in the relationship, secure in their femininity, they have this way of seeing past the masculine's mistakes. And then being there for him in a powerful way. Okay? Again, if I slip up, and I might have some tone, or I'm like, "Kids, stop. Ugh." Like, and I just kinda- I just kinda Which I just, I rarely ever do, but it's like, if I do, and you're like, "Hey, I see that you're frustrated, and you've probably had a crazy day.

Like, I'm here for you. I love you. Can I pray for you? Can I do something for you?"

Rachel: Like, "Do you need to go relax and I'll get this."

Austin: Like, do you, do you Yeah.

Rachel: "I'll manage this."

Austin: Yeah. "How about this time I'll watch the kids and, and give you a few minutes." And of course, I reciprocate this with you in different ways too, to support you as the, as the feminine, as the mom, as the wife. But when you can do that, what you're telling me is like, "Oh, all of me is welcome with you. My emotions are welcome with you." 'Cause again, a lot of women don't know how to handle anger, so when they experience anger from their husband, they wanna shame it. They wanna guilt him for it. Which is just a protection thing for them. Like, I understand. Like, I give them grace for that. But then it's shutting the husband down emotionally, and then he's not gonna wanna present those emotions later. Now, I believe that really strong men, they know how to regulate their emotions outside of how their wife responds, okay? But that's calling men up to a different place. That's a different conversation. But wives if you wanna be really irresistible, next time your husband kinda snaps a little bit or has a moment or a learning opportunity or struggling, welcome him.

"Hey, I see that you're frustrated. I see that you're upset. I love you anyway. Do you wanna talk about it?" And he's gonna be like, "Whoa, like, you're welcoming my, my negative emotions? Like, you're welcoming my anger?" "Yes. I love every part of you. And I know that if you didn't have such a hard day, you probably wouldn't be acting that way, so that tells me how badly my love for you right now is important." Mind blown. You wanna be the most irresistible version of yourself to your husband. Do that for him. Do that for him, where that type of security will help him realize, "Okay, it is safe for me to open up. It is safe for me to share emotions. It is safe for me to go there with her." And then your husband will start feeling more. He'll be sad more. He'll show you his sadness more often. He'll tell you about his fear more often. And more than likely, he'll be more sexual with you, okay?

It's kinda this cliche that men are this, these 24/7 horn dogs and women are just like, "Oh, I'll just be selective with it." It's not Like, you see that in TikTok videos and all this garbage television. It's not so much like that. Like, men struggle. Like men also struggle with, like, having a sex drive because if they feel low about themselves, if they feel like their wife doesn't want them to open up to them in any way, shape, and form, it, it ends up becoming a problem in the bedroom too for men, okay? Or they turn towards pornography. They turn towards other things that aren't, positive for their, their sex life. Last thing I wanna say is that it, with the sex life piece, is when a woman is really secure with herself, that's when their sexual experiences together come alive. Okay? It's like women, more than likely, your husband loves every shape, angle, lighting shadow, nook and cranny of your body. He loves all of it, okay?

Whether you've never had kids, had kids, whether you think you're the right weight, underweight, overweight, no matter what, your husband's probably way more into you than you think. Okay? And when you are secure in that, it makes you very irresistible. Okay? And so I would encourage anyone listening to this, just be secure. Everyone has seasons. Everyone all the things, right? But it's like, just be secure. The sexiest thing you can do in that department is just be secure.

Rachel: Yeah. If more women were secure in themselves, their sex lives would be completely different. Because they would initiate more.

Austin: They would initiate, yes.

Rachel: Because they'd be like, "Oh, I don't mind being seen naked."

Austin: And

Rachel: You know?

Austin: Yeah. And man, that's, it's just, again, irresistible. Initiate sex. And you're exactly right, Rach- 'cause we've had this conversation so many times. When women are more secure, they in initiate sex more. And most men have initiated sex one too many times, and then they got in trouble for it, so then they learn to stop doing it. There's another golden nugget for everyone listening. So when the feminine initiates sex with a man, it's, it feels like, "Whoa, like, she really is into me." And that's, like, again, you want I, if you, ladies, if you want your husband to come alive and give you the whole freaking world, be irresistible to him, and that's one way you can do it. Okay? Like, there, there's a, there's a Last thing I'll say, and then we'll, we'll, we'll get onto the nonprofit here. But last thing I'll say here is a lot of people think you can never have two motives at once. Those are ulterior motives. No one ever said that.

There's no rule. I mean, people have said that, but there's no rule. You can have multiple motives, okay? I know, Rachel, that there's a lot of things I can do for you that honor you and are my biblical vow. And I also know if I do those things

Rachel: You'll get some goodies

Austin: I'll get great things from you. And vice versa.

Rachel: And there is nothing wrong with that.

Austin: There's nothing wrong with that. Ladies if you want to be given, provided for, protected, and all encompassed into the best marriage and life you've ever had, just think, "How can I honor my husband? Not just because I want to honor him, but because the byproduct is also us having an incredible life." There is so much shame around there being some type of motive. Guess what, everyone? Everything you do from wake up to sundown, there is a you motive in it. You just don't know. That's why it's powerful to do this work, to reflect, to learn, to dive deep, et cetera.

Rachel: All right, so today's nonprofit shout-out is Pray.com. We love Pray.com. It is the number one app for daily prayer and bedtime Bible stories. That's not all they have. They have so much more. Christian meditation, Sunday services, podcasts, scripture readings. and we just love this app because it's free. So you can go and download it right now. We have a friend, Richard Sylvester, that works for Pray.com.

Austin: Super great guy.

Rachel: Wonderful Yeah, wonderful people, wonderful organization. And so we encourage you to download the app just for yourself to bless you to enrich your life. And also, when you find someone that you really enjoy listening to, we want you to donate to them, 'cause that's something you can do. A lot of these people are giving of their time just to have free resources for you.

Austin: They're just in yeah, mm-hmm, independent content creators.

Rachel: So you can go and donate $5 to one of the content creators on there, and that's what we wanna encourage you to do today because we love Pray.com.

Austin: Yeah, Pray.com is seriously incredible because they're, they're emailing millions of people for free every day a little devotional, a scripture, and a prayer every single day. I get that in my inbox every single morning. I know it's always gonna be there, and it's very encouraging to me. So check out Pray.com. It's a pretty easy one. Pray.com. Check it out. And a big shout-out to our good friend out there, Richard. So, okay, so today's big takeaway. Here we go. I'm gonna make this short, sweet, and simple.

Rachel: Let's do this.

Austin: Three things. Number one, ladies, realize the deep value in existing in the true feminine. Learn what it means to be the feminine to your husband's masculine. Talk to him about that. Understand, 'kay, like the way that you two have that flow together. But if, if you can just simply step into, just realize how valuable you are, strip away all other things, and just realize how valuable you are just as the feminine. 'Kay? It'll change the way you show up, and it'll change the way your husband shows up with you. Number two, be intentional today to be your husband's place of peace. 'Kay? When you see him, no matter what's gone on for the day, take a moment, give him a hug, look him in the eye, tell him you love him. Ask, "Hey, can I grab you something? Can I support you in any way? Can I serve you in some way?" "Can I love you in some way?" And just, like, don't be up in arms or about drama from the day, or don't try to just immediately dump your day on him.

Just be his place of peace. And watch how he will respond to you. 'Kay? If you want him to help more, quote-unquote, be his place of peace. 'Kay? Number three, be secure. Know your value. Know your worth. Know your beauty. This kind of confidence doesn't threaten a man. It actually makes him come alive. 'Kay? So little action item, which might seem like a big action, but a little action item. Walk with more confidence today. Show up in a confident way. Let him see you in that light, and watch how he will respond.

Rachel: Yeah. That's good. All right. Well, thank you. If you listened all the way through, we appreciate you. Well, we appreciate all of you. And really are thankful for you. If you have not yet, drop a comment on YouTube. Like, rate, or subscribe to us on whatever podcast platform you're listening from today, and we will see you next time.