Austin and Rachel answer a question they hear often: how can my spouse and I have a more connected sex life when it feels like so many factors keep us from making sex happen? Rachel starts with grace, because so many couples have been there. Austin notes that many Christians have no safe place to ask questions like this, and that one of the most powerful antidotes to shame is knowing others struggle with the same thing. He also gently points out that the question can carry a little victimhood, as if life is happening to us rather than something we co-create.
Takeaway one is setting yourself up for success. Look honestly at your schedule and stress: if you get into bed at 9:00 after a draining day, don't be surprised. Keep the bedroom from becoming a place of business meetings. Health matters too, from eating well to not overeating on date night. Emotional health matters because all emotions come from the same faucet, and Rachel shares how seasons of insecurity about her body made sex harder. Austin adds that healthy masculine and feminine flow helps, and Rachel notes that having sex actually makes you want more.
Takeaway two is that if you avoid being open emotionally, you will avoid it physically too. Austin says you are the gatekeeper of your calendar and budget: overloaded kids' schedules, two full-time jobs and endless commitments are choices. They speak plainly about couples who were too busy for their marriage and then slipped into an emotional or physical affair, and call listeners to self-control and being Spirit-led.
Takeaway three is to make the conversation about sex fun and easy. Ask your spouse what they enjoy and their ideal conditions, receive feedback without saying sorry, and remember that force creates resistance. Rachel ties this to the unoffendable episode: your spouse needs to feel safe to share. They offer their Best Sex Yet guide, a fill-in-the-blank tool for learning your spouse's preferences. The nonprofit is Shelter KC, formerly Kansas City Rescue Mission, where Austin did his Eagle Scout project. The action item: listen to this episode together and work through the guide together.
Key takeaways
- You are not alone in this struggle, and knowing that is a powerful antidote to shame.
- Set yourselves up for success: your schedule, stress, health and bedroom environment all shape your sex life.
- All emotions come from the same faucet. Holding back feelings makes intimacy harder.
- You are the gatekeeper of your calendar. Busyness that crowds out your marriage is a choice.
- Make talking about sex fun and easy. Ask what your spouse enjoys and receive it without getting defensive.
- Action step: listen together, then work through the Best Sex Yet guide as a couple.
Quotes from the episode
“One of the most powerful antidotes to shame is knowing that other people struggle with the same thing and that it's okay.”Austin
“just having sex actually makes you wanna have more sex.”Rachel
“You're the gatekeeper of your calendar.”Austin
Full episode transcript
Transcribed from the episode audio and lightly edited for readability. Speaker labels are automated and may occasionally be off.
Rachel: Hey, everyone. Welcome to the Conscious Christian Marriage podcast. We're your hosts, Rachel and Austin Holt, and we are so thankful that you've taken the time to tune in today. Our desire is that you leave this with really good takeaways, really good insight into your own marriage or relationship moving forward. So it's gonna be a good topic. As I'm sure you already know from the title.
Austin: From the clickbaity title we came up with.
Rachel: It's actually a really fun part of the job. So thank you for tuning in.
Austin: Yeah. We appreciate you guys. So, and on that note, we're gonna kick off our episode with appreciations- 'cause that's one thing we love to do. So I'll go first. Rachel, I really appreciate your ability to focus on the shift and not the drift, as we say. You know, at the stage in our life where we've got four kids, you know, that are all crazy and growing and learning and developing and becoming individuals and g getting into hobbies and things they love and just, managing our businesses and our church commitments, and also tending to our marriage, you know, and us being health you know, healthy and, and, and building a house right now, and just, there's just a lot going on. And so there's lots of little opportunities for us to either come out of sync, or just to ShamWow each other's stress or, you know, just opportunities to kind of trip on the sidewalk, you know? And, and I just appreciate that, like, when that does happen, you just, you're really good at just focusing on shifting, and not, you know, getting stuck on the problem, and moving to, you know, being able to reconnect and recommit and, you know, heal and talk about what needs to be talked about, and just focused on the sh on the shift to kind of shift us back up into flow, and to, you know, always rely on God, for all those moments too, and so I just appreciate that about you.
Rachel: Mm-hmm. Thank you. I receive that. Hmm. And I really appreciate you for your leadership when I do shift No, when I do drift to help me shift, because yeah, you help me You remind me in those moments what my values are, what, I've committed to, and the woman that I am. So thank you for holding me to that in a very loving, gracious, yet firm way that I need sometimes. So thank you. Well
Austin: You're welcome. I love you
Rachel: I apprec- I receive your appreciation, and right back at you on the same topic.
Austin: Oh, good. Well, shoot, we were, we were on the same page. Well, so let's, let's jump right into the episode. So today is a, gonna be a really great topic, and yes, we always say that, and we're probably gonna say this cliche line 1,000 times.
Rachel: We only talk about things that we wanna talk about- 'cause they're fun to us.
Austin: Yeah, we're excited about it. And, and we work with so many couples, who have asked this question, or even a a variant of this question. You know? And so here's the question that we're gonna be answering today is, how can my spouse and I have a more connected sex life when we feel like every day there are so many factors keeping us from making sex happen? Great question.
Rachel: Yeah. First of all, I'd say give yourself some grace and appreciation. One, if you're in this season or you can relate to this question at all, so many of us have been there. We've been there. We understand that, you know, life is full of really good things, and we can say yes to a lot of things. When we have children, there's a lot of, you know, commitments, responsibilities that come with that. You know, if you're involved in your church, if you, if you have a job, you know, if you have a home, there's things There's so much that can fill our plate our emotional, you know, physical, weight every day, and it can be easy, you know, air quotes, "easy" to let things come in the way of sex. So again, kind of like you said, it's focusing on the shift, not the drift. So I appreciate this question because you're wanting to shift that. You're realizing, "Okay, things are getting in the way, and I wanna really prioritize my sex life."
"How do I do that even while still, you know, having kids and a job and a home and all that?"
Austin: Yeah. I think the other thing too, babe, is that there's a lot of fear in asking this question. And I think a lot of couples, I don't think this, I've just heard this, they don't have circles where asking questions like this is met with, like, honor and integrity. You know? It's like, you know, even in, like, the life group, small group setting, you know? It's like typically this isn't a life group question. Like, "Hey, how's everybody's sex life?" Like, "What are you guys doing to make sure that, you know your sex is prioritized?" Because there's a lot of taboo around sex, you know? And so you know, like, if you think about, like, outside of our community within CCM, there's not a lot of safe places where people can ask these questions and not get spiritually written answers, get real answers to. You know? And so I think we also just left this, well, I, we're in the process of leaving, I think, as kind of a big C church, this kind of purity culture, you know, where there's, like, a lot of really abusive advice taught around sex. and so I think that some people, one, are just fearful to talk about sex 'cause and, past shame, or they don't have a good circle, you know, to talk about it in, or they have just received a lot of bad advice, so they've just And, and they think that's it.
They think that's it. You know? Where it's like, well, sex comes down to blank, blank, and blank, and there's a lot of shame around it. And it's like, if you even ask for anything different, then you're, you know, somehow going against God or the Bible or some, you know, moral standard or something. And so, you know, I think that a lot of Christians just are scared to ask. And shame tells us that other people don't feel this way. You know? Like
Rachel: Like we're alone.
Austin: Yeah. Well, like that we're alone. One of the most powerful antidotes to shame is knowing that other people struggle with the same thing and that it's okay. And that it's, and that it's normal to struggle with that. And, you know, as we know from doing premarital with couples, and even from our premarital experience, not many couples are getting premarital, and most premarital is just okay. It's I, I would dare to say it's, most of it's bad.
Rachel: Bad.
Austin: You know? I mean, our premarital, I, I think couples are, like, blown away 'cause we go there with them. You know, like- My goal is to have them blush and
Rachel: You make them squirm a little.
Austin: Yeah, make them squirm a little, make them blush a little bit. But then they're always like- "Thank you." Like, "Wow. Like, my parents never touched any of this. My pastor never touched any of this." and even the premarital we had with our counsel or with our pastor, like, it wasn't like this. It was just the same couple scriptures, the same stock advice and Anyways, I just think there's a lot wrapped up in talking about sex, number one, which, you know, for us, it's like, especially in the context of our community, it's like, we'll answer any question about anything anytime, anywhere, you know? Because we really do believe sex is a gift given to us from God, and, we really want couples to experience how powerful sex can be. And I think today's question, I think answering it is just gonna kinda help people see there's maybe a different world around how they can view their sex life and how they can w view their responsibility in it, and how to just create a more conducive, you know, sex life.
So. I'm excited. And, and, and I wanna point out, too, before we go into kinda the points that we have, you know, for this one, the, the very nature of the question is almost rooted in victimhood just a little bit. You know? It's like, how do we get a sex life that's in flow when there's so many other factors that seem to be happening that keep us from sex? Well, that's, that's There's an implication there that life is some autonomous being. You know? Life is not autonomous. Life is not a, a third person doing anything to you. And, 'cause that's something people say, "Well, life got in the way." Well, life is not like
Rachel: Life is so busy
Austin: Your Uncle Bob that got in front of the camera, you know? Like, that's not, you know, unc- That's not life. Life is just this thing, you know? And so, you know, Christ came so that we could have life and have it abundantly, you know? Like, he didn't say life would get in the way, you know, or life could control you. You know? And so life can't control us. Everything we experience is the result of our deepest commitments. It's the results of the deepest beliefs that we carry, values that we have, stories that we tell. Everything that happens in our life is, you know, we are co-creating. Now, granted, if you go out to a park and someone punches you in the face, someone could say, like, "W what the heck? Like, I didn't, I didn't create that." Well, you went to a park. You just did.
Rachel: In public
Austin: In public
Rachel: Where people could punch you.
Austin: Yeah, where people could punch you, you know? Or we've talked to people that got in car wrecks and, you know, lost a loved one or lost their legs or something, and it's like, well, it's like you chose to drive a life. You chose to have a life that required driving. And we don't wanna sound insensitive.
Rachel: Correct.
Austin: That's more of an illustration and understanding we're co-creating everything that we do. You know? And so I think one of the core things we want people to take away from this episode is you are setting up yourself for success or not based on your choices your commitments, your values, and we wanna empower you listening or watching this episode that God really did make you more capable than you think. He wants to create with you probably more than you think. I mean, in fact, you were made in His image, which means you are an imager of God, of Yahweh. And so He created you to co-create with Him 'cause He's a creator. He wanted to make you in His image. So we wanna teach you guys how to create a life that will help you have a better, more fruitful sex life, and so we've got three big takeaways we want to give to you today, so.
Rachel: Yeah, so on that note, takeaway number one, how are you setting yourself up for success with your sex life? So really, you know, ask yourself that question. How am I setting myself up for success? How does your day look? How do your, how do your priorities line up throughout your day? You know, typically for, if you're a couple similar to us that's married and work during the day, typically you might be the opportunity to have sex would be at the end of the day. Well, how does the end of your day look? Are you maxing yourself out so much and committing to things in the evening that are late or not putting your kids to bed early, having stress around bedtime routines whatever it is. By the time you get in bed with your spouse, where, where are you at?
Austin: Yeah. Well, and have you made your bedroom a place of business meetings? You know, have you made your bedroom the place that you have your learning opportunities in? Have you made your bedroom- The, I mean, is your bedroom sacred at all? You know, and it just kinda makes me think of the idea that, we determine whether we're gonna win or lose any of the games we play by how we set them up. Like, this is a good reframe for, for a lot of things in life, everyone that's listening or watching, is that you set up all your games. And by games, I mean you set up the players. You set up the field. You set up how you score, how you win, how you lose, how long is the game, what rules are in the game. Are there refs in your game? This is a, an analogy about life, just to make sure it's clear. But we set up games, and how we set them up determines if we're gonna win or lose.
You know? And so you have to ask yourself the question, have we set ourselves up for success, success?
Rachel: Success.
Austin: Have we set ourselves up for success with how we organize our life? 'Cause that's really what it comes down to. A lot of this is gonna come down to are you organizing your life in a way that would support a thriving sex life? What does your schedule look like, like you said. Is your schedule insane? Do you work 40, 50 hours a week, and then you've got sports commitments, church commitments, friend commitments? I, I mean, do you, do you have tons of animals you take care of? I mean, there's You have to ask all these questions. What does your schedule look like, you know? what does your stress look like? You know, if you are at peak stress, if your, if your body's producing cortisol, okay, you're gonna be less inclined to be emotionally regulated. and then sex is gonna be difficult. So there's so many factors here. Schedule is gonna set up whether sex is gonna work or not. Your stress level is gonna have to do with that.
And so how can you be surprised if you look at your schedule and your stress level, and then you're not having sex. Are you gonna be surprised? It's like, well, yeah, like we, we don't hardly get into bed till 9:00 every night after we've been running ragged all day long doing a thousand things. And huh, it's the weirdest thing. We, we don't just feel like having sex. It's like, well, don't be surprised. You know? And if you do the opposite- That's when you should be surprised if you don't have sex. You know? Like, if you do plan and prioritize, and your life is not you know, we only have so much creative, emotional, and physical energy. Those things run up every day. And they don't come back till we go to bed. And I think some people think that they have an unlimited amount, and then they're surprised at the end of the day if they don't have enough set aside to actually have a thriving sex life.
Rachel: And sometimes it's just a healthy case of over-optimism.
Austin: Yeah, uh-huh. Yep, we've done that
Rachel: Like you and I are overly optimistic. when we used to be late to things, it was an overly optimistic about the time that it would take to get there. But, but really looking at it with a dose of reality is, yeah, I will be stre- I will be so tired, so worn out not have creative, emotional energy at the end of the day.
Austin: Yeah. Right. Yeah, I think another thing that, when we're setting ourselves up for success, again, point number one here, everyone, is setting yourself up for success, okay? Another factor in that is our health. Just purely our health. I mean our physical health, you know. Like, I, I mean, if you can't jog for 30 seconds without getting a little winded, sex might be difficult. Because I, I, I think that, you know, there's different types of sex, you know, we, we, we teach and, you know, whether it's kind of a, you know, the sprint or the, the marathon you know, type, type sesh, you know, but, if, if you're out of shape sex is not gonna be as fun if you're out of shape. Okay? If, if
Rachel: Talking Oh, go ahead. No, you go. No, no
Austin: If you're, if you're not eating well, okay? If you're if you're if you're really, really unhealthy, sex is just gonna be harder. It's gonna be harder, and it's not gonna be as enjoyable. And I'm not saying everyone has to have this, you know, crazy, you know, chiseled body, but I could make the argument that why wouldn't we want to just be as healthy as we could possibly be? So it helps us enjoy sex more and helps our spouse enjoy sex more. 'Cause again, if you get winded within 30 seconds of jogging, then sex might be difficult. You know? And it's not just your, you know, you know, your vascular, you know, health, but your, your overall health. If you're eating a ton of inflammatory foods, your body's not gonna wanna work right. And, and I hopefully this won't upset anyone, but if you're drinking tap water, tap water is killing you. I, I hate to say that, but tap water's killing you. If you're drinking tap water, if you're eating inflammatory foods, if you're eating sugar, okay, if you have a problem with alcohol or drugs or any other major stimulant, that's going to affect your overall health.
And when your body's inflamed, your, you, your body's typically not very regulated. Your endocrine system, your hormone system, your neurological system, your neurotransmitters, when your body's not in flow, s it's way more difficult for sex to be in flow. Okay? And so are you setting yourself up for success? You know, like if you're eating some giant, really unhealthy meal for dinner and then you feel bloated and terrible, and you go into the bedroom typically bloated and terrible doesn't lead to great sex.
Rachel: No, and that's exactly what I was gonna say. I was gonna say that's a one way that couples super He's shaking my hand again. I can't ever use that hand gesture anymore. Okay, okay, stop. Oh, okay, what do I do with my hands? so typically, that is one way that couples really commonly upper limit their date night. So it's like you get a sitter if you have kids. You know, you get a sitter or plan, and then you go out for a nice meal, and, and then you get something that maybe is, you think, "Oh, well, it's date night. Let's splurge," you know? "Let's get something really, really nice." Or like, "Let's have a giant thing of ch chicken fried rice." You know? And then, no surprise, you feel bloated, and yeah, all you wanna do is, like, lay down and watch TV or just lay down and do nothing.
Austin: 'Cause there's this big blood sugar crash and all this
Rachel: 'Cause you're like, "Oh, I'm so tired." "Yeah. Oh, I feel really oh," you know? But that is something, I mean, we've told our couples for years, you know, "Don't upper limit your date night." The, you know, if that's, like, the one kinda shot that you have to, you know, re-spark something don't eat a big meal where you're gonna feel really nasty afterwards.
Austin: Yeah. I, yeah, I totally agree. It's like have a light meal have great sex, and then have a second meal.
Rachel: Some cookies. Yeah.
Austin: Yeah. And then have a second meal after that. You know? And so, other pieces of health, our emotional health, okay? Our personal emotional health. If you bring, 'cause we, like we always say, there's no such thing as a broken marriage. There's just one or two unhealthy people or one or two broken people coming together. And so if you have a lot of personal emotional health issues, sex is gonna be difficult for you, okay? And we could, we could talk about things like trauma talk about past sexual experiences talk about if you're feeling really anxious, if you're feeling depressed, if, if, you know, if you're not in a place of good emotional regulation, typically people don't wanna get close in sex if they're not close emotionally to some degree. Because sex will create intimacy of all kinds. And so if there's stuff you're holding back from your spouse, I mean, we could, I could quote every last episode 'cause you know, about not withholding and about how to deal with your anxiety.
If, if you're holding back a lot of emotion, okay? All emotions come from the same faucet, okay? So if you kink the hose of f of letting yourself feel sadness, sex is gonna be a lot more difficult. Okay? And, and this, these are really, common patterns. You know, we always tell men, "If your sex life is struggling," I always ask the question, "How often do you let yourself feel sad?" And it's usually next to none. And then we ask women, "Well, for you, how often do you let yourself feel angry?" And she's like, "Never." And I'm like, "Allow yourself to feel angry," not in your anger, sin, 'cause the Bible just says- "In your anger, do not sin." It doesn't say you can't be angry. But we have found that when women are allowed to feel more of that kind of fiery, feminine energy, like when they're, when they're feeling something and their husband can just be this, like, you know, strong man in the midst of kind of the, the little
Rachel: Whirlwind
Austin: Y the little whirlwind we have found that she has a way easier time in her sex life because she's allowed to feel the full range of her emotions. Because all emotions come from the same faucet.
Rachel: And still be loved. Yeah.
Austin: And still be loved. That's right.
Rachel: She can feel it but be supported in it.
Austin: Yeah. So your personal emotional health is really important. So if sex isn't coming naturally to you, or if, or if you might be unconsciously avoiding sex because you've got some unhealthy stuff going on individually and you know that sex is gonna make you open up- So you might avoid sex so you don't have to kinda pop the hood, as we say on whatever personal stuff is going on with you.
Rachel: And I'd like to mention, too, you know, you and I have been through four pregnancies. And there have been many seasons
Austin: My pregnancies were rough.
Rachel: There have been many seasons where, you know, I was feeling insecure about my body. I was having strong feelings about myself. I wasn't offering myself love, or appreciation. And so, you know, sex is a very vulnerable thing. And that goes back to health, and, you know, part of the mental health piece, which is, you know, loving ourselves being, you know, accepting God's love over us and appreciating ourselves. And it was hardest for me, you know, to want to have sex because it was vulnerable. It meant I had to face those insecurities. It meant s it meant I would come face to face with the parts of myself that I didn't love or appreciate. And of course, you know, I appreciate you for being such a
Austin: Basically being
Rachel: Loving
Austin: Turned on by you anytime, day or night for the last 13 years. Yeah, no matter what condition you're in. Yeah.
Rachel: It's true
Austin: That's
Rachel: Like, I was, like, literally about to pop out a baby and you'd be like, "Mm, baby." Like, come on. And I do appreciate that, and thank you for that because that definitely
Austin: That's that's also
Rachel: Helped me
Austin: Because our emotional connection has been a priority.
Rachel: Yes, because I would be honest with you about how I was feeling about myself and that gave you the opportunity to encourage me and to
Austin: Bam
Rachel: Knuckle
Austin: Fist bump
Rachel: What is this?
Austin: Fist bump.
Rachel: Oh, fist bump. I said knuckle.
Austin: Knuckles.
Austin: It's knuckles, too.
Rachel: I guess, yeah.
Austin: That's what Malachi calls it.
Rachel: Our cute little two-year-old.
Austin: So setting yourself up for success in our health is key. And the last mo maybe one of the last things we'll say about this too, is, and we're gonna do a whole episode on masculine-feminine energy. But one thing we found, too, that when couples have a really hard time just getting in flow with sex is because their masculine-feminine kinda energy is not in flow. Which means maybe some of their, the roles, that they play in the relationship are, are off a little bit. You know, we believe, in the context of Christian marriage that the husband is the leader of the marriage, and that doesn't mean that he lords over his wife or that his wife's opinion's not important or anything like that. Like, you know, it just means that, 1% of the time when you and I have to make a decision about something that we're not on the same page on, generally I make that decision and then I get to live with the consequences and I get to take responsibility for it. but you and I weigh in on stuff together all the time, but we know that at the end of the day, God has, God is leading me to lead the marriage, okay?
That's what that means. And so but we believe that a, when the masculine is not in healthy masculine, it's maybe in the more wounded masculine or even in a more feminine state, the feminine doesn't feel free to be feminine, and that means to survive she has to start acting masculine. Okay? And so when men don't lead well in their marriage, well, women will survive, okay? M men, you know, w women are survivors, more than, really more than men. Even though men can conquer in war and all that stuff, too, women are really the, the survivors. Like, they will find a way to survive. And so sometimes when the man is not being masculine, the feminine will start to shift into masculinity to make sure she and the kids stay safe and stay provided for. Well, so then when that balance comes out of flow, because the feminine loves to be pursued and led okay? And so and the masculine loves being respected by the feminine.
And so when that flow is imbalanced it can make sex really difficult, you know? Where he is not leading her, he is not pursuing her, he is not, figuring out the equation to her you know, ideal sexual experience and creating that equation. Okay? Like, like what we, like, we like to call recipes. And so, so when that balance kinda comes out, it can be difficult for sex to feel in flow. and so that also brings us to things like, you know, sex drives vary, okay? This is another thing, and if you don't know your sex drive or you can't articulate your sex drive, or you can't maybe articulate your relationship to your sex drive, to your hormones that's a big thing, okay? Like, maybe you have a big hormonal imbalance, and if you've never gotten that checked out, how would you know? How would you know that that's even a factor? Understanding your hormones is key. And you might be someone with a naturally huge sex drive, and you might be someone with a naturally low sex drive.
That doesn't mean necessarily that anything's wrong with you, but it might mean that there's opportunities to balance that back out better you know? Where, you're able to just find better flow with your sex drive. And if you ignore that, then you're, you're gonna miss the opportunity. You know? And so, like, if you're a man and your sex drive is low, well, maybe there's supplements, maybe there's physical things, you know? I typically tell guys, "Hey, i if, if your, if your testosterone levels are low," and you can get tested for this, "eat a bunch of eggs right before you go to bed every night." I know it sounds crazy. You can research it. Just eat like four or five eggs every night before you go to bed.
Rachel: First buy some chickens.
Austin: First, yeah.
Rachel: Build them a coop. No, I'm just kidding.
Austin: That's, yep, we have chickens.
Rachel: We love our chickens.
Austin: Yeah. But, you know, so like again, like men, like if your testosterone levels could be low or your sex drive might feel low, like I've helped a lot of guys in their 40s, 50s, 60s kinda analyze and understand their sex drive. There's lots of simple things you can do, you know? So set yourself up for success, you know? So that also goes to things like, a lot of other factors like our trauma. You might have sexual trauma that you've dealt with in your life. past sexual experiences that maybe you haven't forgiven yourself for, or just shame around sex in general. And so and for that, like for example, like in our, in our membership program we have a seven-part series on sex, and half of it is studying sexual trauma and understanding how you might have some stories and some woundings around your how you relate to sex that's showing up in your marriage 10, 20, 30 years later. You know? And I think that, again, there's so much taboo around sex, that couples feel fear in talking about it.
It's okay. It's okay to talk about sex. It's okay to talk about sex in a container of safety and trust. And maybe your spouse, though they love you, may not feel that safe with you. I would find out why. You know? Like, if your spouse is like, "Hey, it's really hard for me to talk about this stuff," I'd be like, "Well, hey, how can I take responsibility for maybe not being a safe place for you?" You could get offended by that and be like, "Ugh, you're my spouse. You're supposed to be able to talk to me about anything." But you could also be, like, a really honorable spouse and be like, "Hey, maybe I, I haven't been a safe place for you to talk about sex." "Maybe I haven't been a safe place for you to talk about your past sexual experiences. Like, I love you. I honor you. Like, I, I, I wanna be a place that you can share any of that with me."
That's what unravels shame, okay? So if you wanna have a great sex life, you have to set yourself up for success. Okay? If you have no planning, no strategy, no intention around your sex life don't be surprised when there isn't one. Okay? because sure, when the mood strikes you both at the exact same time, at the exact When the stars all line up
Rachel: Like Hollywood.
Austin: Yeah, like Hollywood. Okay, then you might have sex on occasion. But if you wanna have regular, quality sex that not only just satisfies you, like, deeply satisfies you, but connects you spiritually, emotionally, mentally so that God can use your marriage to just be this, like, wellspring of ministry in the world, you have to be more intentional about sex. Period.
Rachel: And, you know, speaking of health, you know, having sex lends to really great health. You know, and especially talking about masculine and feminine, nod to Napoleon Hill in the, Think and Grow Rich book. he talks about a well-sexed man. You know, how much he can conquer and how much he feels, you know And this is not me quoting him directly, but this is, like, the essence of a well-sexed man can conquer so much he does so much when he knows that he has this, like, devoted wife behind him. And that's, like, m a great example of the masculine and feminine that, you know, and you've just articulated this to me, which I really appreciate, 'cause it helps me understand you more, how much sex, like, gives you this, like, energy to, to conquer and to do and to, you know, achieve. And so not only is it good to be healthy to have sex, but having sex
Austin: Makes you healthier
Rachel: Makes you healthier. And just starting having sex, you know, maybe you're in a season where it's been a while, and then it seems almost easier to not the longer you go. But that's just your brain telling you that's the eas
Austin: You're, yeah
Rachel: That, that's, you know
Austin: You're just scared.
Rachel: Yeah. But just having sex actually makes you wanna have more sex. So if you're like, "I don't feel like having sex," well, just have sex you know, in an honoring, mutual loving way. Then it'll help your body say, "Oh, I remember this. I like this." And then you create
Austin: It's just getting the engine back up and going again.
Rachel: I was just thinking about a car. It's like a car runs well when you use it often. If you let it sit there, it doesn't.
Austin: Yeah. So that actually brings us to really takeaway number two. That, again, man, there's so many things we could cover. It's like this is almost a hard topic to cover because I don't wanna make this a seven-hour episode, and I could just, like, talk about 1,000 things. but really number two is where are the pipes clogged in your relationship? Okay? Because, where, where Or first of all, where are you lacking feeling in other areas of your life? And are you avoiding sex because you're actually being avoidant about your connection emotionally, mentally, spiritually? Because a lot of times, sex is, a k kind of a clogged up sex life is really just the result of being avoidant in other areas, you know? 'cause like we said earl earlier all feeling comes from the same place. And so if you shut the faucet off in one place, you shut the faucet off everywhere. And so if you've kind of shut off the, the faucet of feeling or the, the faucet of emotional connection that's, you're really gonna avoid sex because, like you said earlier, sex requires and creates vulnerability.
And so people don't want to open up sexually because that's generally going to make it way more difficult to hide anything emotional that you're keeping from your spouse. And so if you're not really emotionally connected, you're gonna avoid sex, because that's gonna help you continue to not open up emotionally. So the question we would ask anyone listening today, if you relate to trying to figure out a better flow for your sex life, is where else do you feel like you're not in flow? Where else do you feel like the pipes are clogged? You know?
Rachel: That's a great question.
Austin: You know, and I think it's recognizing, you know, just kind of an interesting point here is, like, you know, women, they generally, feminine women generally wanna be connected emotionally before wanting to connect sexually. Well, generally, men wanna connect emotionally after connecting sexually, okay? And so it's like, so again, the feminine wants to be pursued feels safe, boom, all of a sudden, she's aroused. The man is like, "I just conquered, okay? And now I'm gonna relax 'cause I just, I just got done conquering." "So now I'm gonna wanna connect more emotionally." And figuring out that flow is important because, again, if you get that backwards or if you don't understand that, that really does kinda clog the pipes you know? And so, I think for a lot of couples, they just don't realize, man, like, there's other things we're justifying not having sex because we're not able to connect about stuff that we're avoiding.
Rachel: Yeah. And like we said in a previous episode, unkink to kink.
Austin: Yeah, unkink to kink. That's right. Unkink the hose.
Rachel: Didn't you put that on the opening of the episode?
Austin: Yeah. Heck yeah. Yeah.
Rachel: Hopefully everyone enjoyed that.
Austin: But, but that's exactly right. It's you've gotta unkink the hose if you expect sex to get to a certain place. You know? So those who are listening or watching today, I just want you to reflect on that question, is that you, like, you're smart. You're capable. You're strategic. Like, you know how a calendar works, okay? Like, you know how your body works generally. You know how life works generally. I would imagine any person watching this today is probably pretty smart. You know? Like, you figured out how to use a computer or a phone to watch a YouTube video or to listen to a podcast. Like, you're smart. So is it really that hard that you can't ration enough time emotion, and energy to have sex? If you're not doing that, it's probably because you're not
Rachel: Something's up
Austin: Intelligent. Yeah. It's because you're avoiding something. You know, because all of us are the gatekeepers to all of our commitments. Okay? If you're working 40, 50 hours a week, if you're volunteering at church a whole bunch of hours a week, if you're- You know, if your kids are enrolled in 17 sports and dance, it's, it's like and I'm not gonna get on this soapbox, but the world of, like, competitive dance, competitive sports, competitive everything it's like, there is so much pressure to be in that world and to let it run your world. Because a lot of times, and I'm not saying this is for everyone, parents have to ask themselves the question, "Am I living vicariously through my kid? Am I letting them experience their childhood? Am I letting them develop healthily?" Because it's coming at a high price. So many couples we've worked with, high-profile couples too, that have been like, "Yeah, we just kinda let the world dictate things for us. We're super busy with work, super busy with church."
"Our ki we have four kids. They're each in one sport or one dance, or we're You know, every weekend it's a different soccer tournament in a different state or a different basketball tournament and a different and all that." And then they're like, "Yeah, we're run ragged." Runned. "We are run ragged." So then they get to the end of the day, they get in bed, and sex does not come naturally, okay? 'Cause they didn't set them up for success, number one. But then again, for number two, they're avoiding dealing with certain things, so they're making themselves so busy. 'Cause, 'cause again
Rachel: Bingo
Austin: I wanna, I wanna finish that point, is that people are smart enough to organize their life in a way where they have a thriving sex life, period. You're the gatekeeper of your calendar. You're the gatekeeper of your budget. You're the gatekeeper of your emotional energy. Okay? I purposely make decisions that ration my energy throughout the day so I know that when I get home from the office, I'm not dead to you and the kids.
Rachel: Which I very much appreciate.
Austin: Yes, I know. I know you do. 'Cause I don't wanna come home and then be like- "Ugh, I gotta lay on the couch for an hour before I can engage with you guys." And don't get me wrong, sometimes I come home at 10:00 AM or 4:00 PM. It just kinda depends on what I feel like doing that day, or however many meetings we have or whatever. But I ration myself because I wanna make sure that you and the kids have me when I get home. And so people are smart enough to plan sex. But if you have made yourself so, and I say this with love, if you have made yourself so busy, so full that you can't come home and muster up enough energy to support and love your spouse, don't expect to get the reward of sex. Don't expect to get that. Don't expect Like, I know with you, if you're worn out, I know that sex is generally not you know, on, on the table.
Rachel: 'Cause you know my recipe.
Austin: Yeah, because I know your recipe, and this is a, we have a training we go through with couples called Recipes. And, like, I know your recipe. And so if I wait till 11:00 at night, and the kids have been psychotic and all these different things, and I, I expect that, what, I'm gonna be able to woo you into sex after you're exhausted? I can't remember who said it, but they said the, the ultimate killer of sex is weariness. Especially in the feminine, you know? When the feminine gets weary, sex is generally off the radar, okay? But I'm gonna say it again, even though, at, at the risk of sounding redundant, every person watching this, you're smart enough to be able to ration your time, your emotion, your energy, your money, whatever, to create whatever you want in your life, sex or otherwise. So if you're not doing it, ask yourself the question, audit yourself. "Man, have we just, have I made myself so busy that I don't have to face anything?"
'Cause if you're so busy you can't do counseling, or you're so busy you can't be in a coaching program like ours, or you're so busy that you can't focus on your marriage, you made yourself busy. No one made you busy.
Rachel: So why did you do that? Hmm.
Austin: So why did you do it? And how many couples have we talked to that it's like, "Well, we, we both have to work a full-time job." I'm like, "Yeah, but you live in a $600,000 house." "Do you really both have to work a full-time job?" "Oh, well, yeah." Well, yeah, you do if that's your situation. You know, you experience the results of your deepest commitments, period. And if you're not willing to tell the truth and audit all that and really tell the truth about your values, your motives, the image you wanna have your sex life is gonna suffer. And then you're gonna be like, "Why is this happening?" Okay? And I, I'm just, I'm just bringing the brutal love, f f full of love truth about this, because we've walked so many couples through this. 'Cause we know a lot of couples that's like, hey, like, maybe one spouse works and one spouse stays at home, and they have, like, st they still have, like, a modest, nice home that they love and, and whatever so that their lives are not chaos.
And we know couples, very conscious couples, that's like, "Hey, each of our kids are gonna have one hobby, okay?" You know? "And we're only gonna allow our kids to have un so much stuff on their schedule that still supports them being in church, still supports our family being healthy still supports them being a kid and playing outside and getting their feet muddy." But more than likely, if you're so busy, if there's so many factors, you made all those factors. Life didn't make those for you. Decisions, pressures, conditioning, container, environment, all the different things that build up your ecosystem, you chose all those things, and they You chose all those things, and then you made these choices on what's gonna be in your schedule. So you might be so busy 'cause you're avoiding something, and if you're avoiding something emotional or maybe there's a truth you haven't told each other yet, well, then you're definitely not gonna do the most vulnerable freaking thing on the planet which is to roll around naked with each other.
Okay? That, that's vulnerable. Okay? Your, if you won't roll around naked emotionally, you're not gonna roll around naked physically.
Rachel: Physically. Yeah.
Austin: And if you do, you're gonna be faking a lot.
Rachel: Yep. That is exactly right.
Austin: So do you wanna add anything to that?
Rachel: I think you said it so
Austin: I know, I know I kinda, I know I kinda soapboxed it a lot
Rachel: Well. I'm just really appreciating you. 'Cause you articulated that very well, and I'm glad
Austin: Oh, thank you
Rachel: That you went there because it Yeah.
Austin: Well, yeah.
Rachel: I mean, it's, it's something that we see all the time
Austin: All the time
Rachel: When couples are fed up with it. And so our hope and desire for this podcast is that you don't put yourself to the brink of divorce by caring more about what the world thinks about your house and your car and your kids'
Austin: And your, and your kids'
Rachel: You know, quote, unquote, "success," you know? Like, we teach our kids, like, they don't eat the same things that the other kids do in class. They don't do the same things that other kids do in class. They don't get phones the same time. and that, but that's an opportunity for us to teach our kids, like, what we value, why.
Austin: Yeah, and we care enough about the listener to talk about some of this hard stuff because- And because we're some of the people people call when there's problems when there's moral failures, when there's issues with even pastors, with leaders with business owners. Like, we know a lot of really incredible people. Okay? And so I think there's this story that people that have really incredible lives don't have problems, because all people of all walks of life have problems. But the amount of calls we get by people that people would look at and think they had it all together boom, moral failure. The, the marriage is now on, on the rocks, now on the edge of divorce because they didn't set themselves up for success, and they avoided dealing with stuff they need to deal with. Because a lot of times they got this really spiritually overridden advice. Okay? And we're gonna talk about this today. But our whole view of our co-creation with God and understanding where our self and God, like the Holy Spirit meet, is four words: self-controlled, spirit-led.
Okay, and that's just gonna be a little
Rachel: Teaser
Austin: Breadcrumb for another episode. Self-controlled, spirit-led. We pray that the Holy Spirit would inhabit us and give us its fruits. What's the final fruit? And I don't think they're in any particular order, but what's the final fruit of the fruits of the spirit?
Rachel: Self-control.
Austin: Yeah. Galatians 5:20, right? Yeah, self-control. Self-control, spirit-led. That's how we wanna be. And so we want to co-create Go with God, we want to meet with God on all these things. that's what has to happen for us to find flow in our life together. Fro- I kinda forgot where I was going with all that. But anyways, people Yeah, here, here it is. I'm maybe gonna edit this out 'cause I'm human. We know a lot of people that, that, from all walks of life, again, when they run into a problem, it's usually like this. "Man, we just got so busy. We just got so stressed." "We just got so disconnected. We weren't having dinner with each other every night. You know? Like, we're running our kids here, running our kids there. We're be at church here f five nights a week, and then my job, and then one of us got sick, and then all this and all this and all this. And we weren't meeting together, we weren't having conversations, we weren't clearing the pipes with each other.
Austin, all this stuff was happening. and then we just," something, "we slipped." And whether it was an emotional affair, physical affair, you name it, and then something slipped. Everyone that's listening, we love you enough. We would never pander you. You have to have intentionality and focus and priority on your life, on your faith, on your marriage, or you cannot expect things to go well. Definitely can't expect a sex, a sex life to be great. Okay? If you're run ragged because maybe you've caved to what the world wants your marriage to look like. Oh, that's them. They live in that neighborhood. All their kids are on varsity this. All their kids play an instrument, and a sport, and have a hobby, and painted the Mona Lisa, and they volunteer six nights a week at church, and they do
Rachel: They wear such nice clothes.
Austin: They wear such nice clothes.
Rachel: And their hair is always brushed.
Austin: All their photo shoots are so cute. There's puppies in them. The puppies.
Rachel: Oh, they had the
Austin: They had puppies. Like we did.
Rachel: They, they chose the best photographer.
Austin: Yeah, they chose the best. Yeah. Guys, there is a way deeper richness and fulfillment that can be found in taking your foot off the gas pedal on so much of that stuff, and doubling down on your faith in God, doubling down on your connection with your spouse and, not letting life just race you by because you're so busy. And if you are that busy, I don't care about how much money you make, how much money you spend, any of that stuff, whether you live in a $80,000 house or a million dollar house, I don't care. I just want you to ask this question: Am I so stinking busy? Why am I so stinking busy? Is it because I'm really on purpose or is it because I'm avoiding something? Because if you're avoiding something, you'll do everything you can reasonably. Your brain will help you create a reasonable reason for anything that you want an excuse for. Are you so busy because you actually don't wanna slow down and let God do some work on you?
Because that's gonna be one of the biggest reasons why your sex life is suffering, is because you might be avoiding something. 'Cause again, rolling around naked, if you won't do it emotionally, you won't do it physically, or at least well physically.
Rachel: Yes. Thank you.
Austin: All right, so let's move on. Rach third point, I wanna ask you this question.
Rachel: Okay, so make the conversation about sex fun and make it easy.
Austin: So Rachel, third point, what's the third big takeaway we want people to walk away with today?
Rachel: Yeah. Number three, make the conversation about sex fun and make it easy. You know, your brain likes the l the path of least resistance, so why not make it easy and make it fun? And so on that note, ask your spouse what is it that they enjoy. And again, nod back to the beginning of this episode where we said we don't talk about it much, kinda coming off of purity culture. It almost s when we first got married, it almost seemed weird, like, talking about sex even though we were having sex. It's just like- "Oh, let's talk about this" and
Austin: It's like turn the lights off, put a sheet over you.
Rachel: Yeah, like, candlelit only. You know? Can we turn some music on? You know? but we've learned to, we learned really early on to have very open communication, and part of that is just asking what, what your spouse enjoys.
Austin: Yeah. Yeah, being able to say, "What do you enjoy?" asking them for clarity. Okay? being secure enough to be like, "Hey," like, "did you like that? Did you not like that?" You know? Like, "I noticed you made this sound," or, "I noticed you kinda, you kinda ugh," you know? Like- And, and, and being able to just have humble conversations about sex. If you make it so serious why so serious? If you make it so serious, it's gonna be so serious. You know? And so we encourage couples And we have a product called the Connection Cards. the Connection Cards just help you take any type of topic, easy or difficult, and just make it more easy and communicable. and treating it like that where you have conversations that are just lighter and inviting about sex you know, to where you can be like, again, "How did you enjoy that?" Or, "Hey, we should try this," or, "We should try that," or, "Hey, should we get some help in understanding this?"
Or should we You know, i if you, if you put so much pressure on it, th then you'll get resistance. Force creates resistance, right? And so, but if you are inviting your spouse and you're receiving- That's the key Like, I wanna invite you, "Hey, Rachel, I want you to be able to tell me anything about our sex life at any time, during sex, after sex, before sex, whatever you want, and I'm gonna receive whatever you say."
Rachel: I remember, I'm having flashbacks to early marriage where I'd say, "Ow, sorry," or, "Oh, that doesn't feel good. Sorry."
Austin: Yeah, you'd say sorry.
Rachel: And I'd say sorry every single time. And for y maybe, like
Austin: A couple years
Rachel: A year or two you would have to say, "Don't. Stop saying sorry." You'd say, "Stop saying sorry." You know, like, in a loving way you'd say- "No, I wanna know these things. Stop saying sorry."
Austin: Yeah. Yeah, don't say sorry, like
Rachel: I'd be like, "Oh, okay, sorry." And you'd say- "Don't say sorry for saying sorry."
Austin: Yeah. Yeah, because it's like, I'm like, "Honey, you're the objective here." "I'll be just fine."
Rachel: I am here to pleasure you.
Austin: Yeah, I, I, I am here, I'm here to please, no pun intended. You know? And, and really, like, and this is more tactical sex, which, you know, we, we talk about this all the time in our program, it's like I, I, I'm there, like, you're my objective. You're the objective of sex for us, you know? Because I'll be, I'll be fine. I'll be fine.
Rachel: Right, you'll get there
Austin: I'll be fine
Rachel: Which I, you know, appreciate.
Austin: Yep. I know. And so yeah, like this, make the conversation about sex fun. Make it light. Because again
Rachel: We laugh a lot during sex
Austin: Yeah, you might have grown up in purity culture, and even this kind of post-purity culture where, yeah, it's like you're having sex and not talking about sex. I work with, a lot of guys, a lot of different ages, where they can't have a conversation with their spouse about sex because it's too awkward, you know? So being able to reverse engineer, like, why it's awkward. Like, is there trauma there, or is there shame there? You know, 'cause again, I just love that you said that. I wasn't even thinking that, like, we were having sex and not talking about sex. It's like, whoa what the heck? Like, you s we created those moments together, but we can't use words? Like, we were all over
Rachel: Makes me think of our honeymoon
Austin: All over each other naked but we couldn't then later debrief, you know? Like, like, "Oh, I don't wanna," like, you know? And yeah, like, I like that you said candlelit only. You know? And now it's like 50 fluorescents.
Rachel: That's how I used to be. I'd be like
Austin: You know? Boom
Rachel: "Can we just turn the lights off, babe?"
Austin: Yeah. I think you missed what I just said, but I'm gonna leave it.
Rachel: Oh, yeah. no, I know what you said.
Austin: Yeah. so asking your spouse for clarity, asking them for their ideal sexual conditions environment, everything. And this is really important, you know? Like when we're doing work with couples one-on-one or two-on-two, or even in our program, one question we like to ask is, "If you could paint with a magic paintbrush, what would your ideal perfect scenario sexual encounter look like?" Okay? What are you doing? What are you not doing? What are you wearing? What are they wearing? Where are you? Are you at home? Are you at a hotel? Are you in the backyard? Are you in the swimming pool? You know, like, is there music? Is there not music? Are there rose petals? Is there not? Did you pray before? Did you pray in the middle? Is the whole thing a prayer? Okay, did you do breathwork before you started? Are you covered in lubricant? You know, like, we tell couples we're like, "Ask, ask your spouse what is the perfect scenario for you?" And so on this note, we actually have a really cool fill-in-the-blank guide.
Okay, I think this is the first time on our podcast we're gonna give away one of our guides for free. But, we have a guide that's called Best Sex Yet, and it's really fun. Okay? Have you guys ever played, what are those things called, the, where you fill in the blanks?
Rachel: Ad Lib, is that what it is?
Austin: Ad Lib, yeah, yeah. Ad Libs. we use the Ad Lib model in a lot of our work. Like, our connection cards are Ad Lib. We have other courses that have Ad Lib type stuff in it. It's just fill-in-the-blank, I guess is one way to say it. But, Yeah. Sorry, went in a big circle there. Not sorry. so this guide is called Best Sex Yet, and we're gonna put a link to it, in the description so that you can go download this guide for free. And it's really fun, where basically you're gonna kinda interview. There's two ways you can actually do it. You can interview your spouse and you write it down or they can fill it out in, like, a letter format and then give it to you. Because here's the thing. All of us up in here in our heads, we have an idea of what our most ideal sexual encounter looks like. Now, I'm not saying that you're gonna be able to take that, every element of that, and go create it.
But you're gonna learn something. You know? If your s if your spouse puts on there, "Oh, I, I love music. I love some slow jazz, you know?" And maybe you didn't know that, and you're like you know? So You know? Or, you know, Let's Get It On.
Rachel: You, yeah, he you used to sing this to me.
Austin: I've been really trying, baby.
Rachel: I was so sheltered, I didn't even know that song. You were like, "Babe, you don't know this song?"
Austin: Yeah. So maybe your spouse loves slow jazz and you didn't know that. Well, so now they come in the bedroom, and all of a sudden, chick, bow, bow, bow, bow. Okay? So this little guide will give you some intel on how to just, even if you can sharpen your sex life by 1%- okay, the better it gets, the better it gets. And the better it gets the more they want it. Okay? So when we can, and you can't have intelligence without
Rachel: Intel
Austin: So we want to gain intel on our spouse's ideal sexual experiences. So then we can just create. Guys, we love this idea of co-creating, that we can co-create better experiences together. So if you want a copy of that guide, we're gonna give it away for free. I don't know if we're gonna give it away for free forever, but we'll see. But, so if you're, you're hearing this, go to the link in the description and download it, because we don't know if it's gonna be there forever or for a week, but go check it out. yeah. So- I just, I just, in kind of closing this, this loop, having the conversation be easy and fun is key. And part of that is, guys, is not being shameful not being guilting. You know, guilt's about behavior, shame is about identity. There's a lot of shame and guilt around sex. There's a lot. And so if you, if you do struggle with talking about sex and you're having a hard time kinda getting that engine turned over that, getting that conversation turned over, reach out to us.
We have this conversation with, with Christian couples all the time on how to just talk about sex. Maybe for the fir maybe you've been married for 10 years and you've never really kinda deep dived a conversation around sex. We would love to help you do that, okay?
Rachel: Yeah. And in a, a nod to our unoffendable episode you know, in order for you to be able to share, your spouse needs to be unoffendable in a sense. Like, secure enough, love themself enough to be able to hear any type of feedback, any type of shame, any type of trauma you've been through, to be able to, to walk you through that. So you, listener, you know- This is a way that you can be responsible for creating and it starts with you. Doesn't start with your spouse. It starts with you, the person listening creating a safe space for your spouse, creating that open conversation so that they know that when they share, 'cause maybe you've trained them that when they share, it's not received.
Austin: Exactly, or y or you've trained them that when they share, they get in trouble. You know? Like
Rachel: Or they get shamed.
Austin: Yeah, or they get shamed. Yeah.
Rachel: And that's not what Jesus did. Like he said, "I'm not gonna, nobody can cast the first stone." And just he receives us with love and grace and forgiveness. And so for you to do that for your spouse teaches them, "I am safe to share. We can have an emotionally connected marriage." And so I wanna make sure we mention that before kinda concluding here, because that is a, a very powerful way that you can show up better in your marriage and continue to focus on that so that you can have open conversations and you can have an emotionally connected marriage. 'Cause it, it starts with you and how you receive.
Austin: Yeah, and if both parties are willing to take 100% responsibility at the same time that's when the magic happens. And we always ask couples that question- "What would your marriage look like if both of you were willing to take 100%?" 'Cause we don't believe in 50/50. We just don't believe in that model. We believe in both couples showing up 100%. I just talked to a guy this morning. He and his wife are having some issues, and, you know, he, he told me everything and yada, yada. And I said, "Hey, man, here's the number one thing I wanna know, is are you willing?" Is, and I was like, "Are you and your wife both willing to come to this with 100% responsibility, be coachable, humble, teachable, Christ-centered, prayerful, all the things?" And he's like, "Well, yeah." And I'm like, "Then we got you."
Rachel: Yeah. We g yeah.
Austin: "We got you, man. We're gonna be fine."
Rachel: That's the recipe.
Austin: Like, yeah. I'm like
Rachel: That's all you need
Austin: "Dude, we got it." Like, we've helped so many couples that, even couples with great marriages that just kinda hit a little snag and then w couples with not great marriages creating great marriages, the whole spectrum. But that's what it is. I'm like, "Dude, we've, what you're telling me right now, we've helped so many people conquer. We got you, man." Like, there's a method here. You know? There's a method. It's a combination of things in scripture. It's a combination of prayer. It's a combination of, of some of these cutting edge, you know, n neurological twists and you know, and studies, and, you know, you probably gotta stop eating gluten and stuff like that, you know? Just, just kidding, but that would help. We're gluten-free. But, and so, and I was like, "Bro, we got you." I was like, "W all I want you to take from this call is just hope." "'Cause we got you. 'Cause if you and your wife are willing, coachable, humble, teachable, Christ-centered, ready to rock and roll, if you're willing to dive into it, we will, we'll do it."
"Betw we will partner with God, and we'll get this done." And he was just almost in tears, you know? I'm like, "Have hope. Call your wife. L let her know what's going on, and, and let's get this thing rocking." And, and that, that was it, you know? And so if you're that person that's got a lot of factors in your world and you want your sex life to be in more flow, to, to be more regular, we really believe that if you take all these things to heart, set yourself up for success. Okay? That's gonna be number one. Number two, look at where you might be clogging up the pipe of connection somewhere else. And then number three, make the conversation easy. Make it safe. Make it fun. Just those three things will rebuild the foundation for your sex life. Period.
Rachel: Okay, so we're gonna pause for our nonprofit shout-out today.
Austin: Ooh.
Rachel: And Austin wants to share today 'cause you're near and dear
Austin: I'm very ex yeah, I'm very excited about this one. So today's nonprofit is Shelter KC, formerly known as the Kansas City Rescue Mission. So KCRM, Shelter KC. They rebranded at some point. Shelter KC is located off Cherry Street in Kansas City. this was actually founded by some people that, I knew, growing up in the Nazarene Church, or at least, managed by for many, many years, from d close friends of mine, the Nazarene Church growing up. And they're basically a program to help men and women get off the streets, of Kansas City, and it's, they're providing, meals, providing places to sleep, but they also have programs to help you find jobs, to help you get really, really affordable housing. So they can take people that are homeless and get them to where they are thriving. they're a contributing member of society. They're having a relationship with Christ. It is a Christ-centered program. It is a Christian program. But, if you go check out shelterkc.org- I think you'll love the work that they're doing.
Another cool thing is when I got my Eagle Scout, became an Eagle Scout any fellow Eagle Scouts out there, my Eagle Scout project was at what, what was then called Kansas City Rescue Mission, where we rebuilt this whole room of all the shelving so that at the time, it was a men-only program, but all the men could put their, have a safe place to put all their belongings. And, and so, we've also done different things out at the, at KCRM. And, but they're just a really m amazing organization. They're making a huge difference in Kansas City, it really am, beyond. And so check out shelterkc, .org. Drop 'em a few bucks. We'd love if you'd do that.
Rachel: Actually, a little over $16 will buy eight meals.
Austin: Yep, eight meals.
Rachel: Or a meal for eight people.
Austin: Eight. Yeah.
Rachel: So you can feed dinner to eight people right now
Austin: Yep, for 16 bucks
Rachel: By going to their website and paying just over $16. That is super cool. You know, for you to just do that and know, "I just provided dinner for eight people."
Austin: Yeah. It's, it's powerful.
Rachel: For probably the price that your dinner might cost.
Austin: Yeah. All right. Well, yeah, please go do that. if you, if you, if you got any value out of today, go do that for us. All right? All right, Rachel, so what is our big takeaway for today's episode?
Rachel: All right.
Austin: It's pretty straightforward.
Rachel: Yes. So listen to this episode together with your spouse so you guys can be on the same page, kinda take in all the same information together, and then download our guide, Best Sex Yet, and do that together. So pretty cut and dry, but not gonna be cut and dry in the bedroom.
Austin: That's that, oh, you go, girl. That's right.
Rachel: Getting a little fiery.
Austin: Well, again, thank you guys, for being here today, for watching this episode or listening. please like, comment, subscribe, rate, do all of that for us. It, it really helps the next couple find
Rachel: It does
Austin: What we're doing here. And so, if this has been valuable to you, please do that for us. But, thanks for being here and watching this episode, and we'll see you on the next one.