The Impact of Going All In on Your Marriage: Interview with Ashley Hardy

Transcribed from the episode audio and lightly edited for readability. Speaker labels are automated and may occasionally be off.

Rachel: Hey, everyone, and welcome to the Conscious Christian Marriage podcast. I am your host, Rachel Holt, and I have a very special guest here with me today. Her name is Ashley Hardy, and, I am so excited about today because not only is Ashley a good friend of mine, but, she's an employee at CCM. She's been a member in CCM which we'll talk more about. For how many years, Ashley?

Ashley: Three.

Rachel: It feels like more .

Ashley: It feels like more. We've been friends for longer.

Rachel: Yeah. And, so Ashley moved, her and her husband, Jonathan, amazing people, amazing leaders in the church incredible, parents, followers of the of the Lord, truly have inspired my faith walk and helped me to just be a better Christian. Just being in community with them has really impacted my life. And, they were, they moved from s from Springfield to Lee Summit to help start Summit Park Church our church, which we like to talk about a lot .

Ashley: It's a great church.

Rachel: I feel like every episode of our podcast is, like, a shout-out to Summit Park Church. If you live in Kansas City, or if you're coming through, come visit us at Summit Park. But, yeah, they came. They were part of the church plant that came to Kansas City to help start Summit Park Church. And I've been blessed by that. I'm continually being blessed by the seeds that you guys sow sowed all those years. And Ashley was my first kinda, like, friend contact at the church because I was like, "I wanna get involved in a life group," which is what we called them back then, you know life groups. And she was our life group leader. or actually, I joined your ladies life group first and then, joined the couples life group.

Ashley: Our couples life group, yeah.

Rachel: But anyway, this is a very long intro .

Ashley: It's good.

Rachel: I'll give you a chance to talk. Ashley is amazing, and, yeah, our story is really special. her story's really special. I'm sure this is the first of many podcast episodes you'll be on, because there are so many things about who you are, and even the way that you do friendship, that you and I do friendship, I want other people to know more about that. That could be another podcast episode. and your faith, I wanna talk more about that sometime. So listeners be ready. You'll be seeing more of Ashley at some point

Ashley: Thank you

Rachel: Because she's amazing. but yes, Ashley, thank you for being on this podcast today, and tell us three interesting things. Like, tell the listeners, if you could kinda summarize a few special and maybe fun things about yourself. What would it be?

Ashley: I love Jesus. I love the local church. I was called into what I thought was ministry, full-time ministry, at the age of 13 and worked really hard towards that as a teenager and early in college. my 13-year-old taught me how to quilt, so I made my first quilt a year ago.

Rachel: That's adorable. It's really pretty, too.

Ashley: Thanks, thanks. yeah.

Rachel: Yeah. Tell us about your kids. So you and your husband.

Ashley: So, my husband and I have been in basically full-time ministry since we were married, since before we were married, and we have a 13-year-old daughter, a 10-year-old son, and a seven-year-old daughter.

Rachel: Yeah, who looks a lot like you.

Ashley: She does.

Rachel: She has, like, beautiful little blonde ringlet-y curls.

Ashley: Mm-hmm, she does, yeah.

Rachel: All three of your kids are amazing.

Ashley: Thank you.

Rachel: And I've just sat So guys, they moved back to Springfield. They came to Summit Park. They helped start the church. They were there for a long time and saw yourselves staying until God just called you out.

Ashley: Yeah, it's true. It's true. And those of you that are in ministry know that your life is, it's the Lord's, and whenever he calls, you know that you can't shake it. So we, we obey the call of the Lord, and have never regretted it. God has been so good.

Rachel: And I am honored to have witnessed that faith journey for you. That's, like, a small part of the bigger thing with praying for healing and God speaking and God moving and God healing some things and not healing others. But for, I will never forget when you moved, you kind of had this experience, and then I had it, losing you as a local friend, where you're like, "I'm close to God, because I'm kinda like this little girl that's like, 'Daddy, I don't like this. I'm not happy about this.' But you said to do it, so I'm gonna do it." "But I'm not- I'm not happy about it." You know? But that's good. It's like, you're close to God's heart, even though, it's like, you still honored him. You were being forthcoming with your feelings, which, you know, we talk about this in marriage, not withholding. You were not withholding from God. You were honest with him about how you felt. But you're like, "Yeah, I don't like this but I'm still gonna do it."

You know?

Ashley: I mean, I'm telling you, I feel like, like a brat right now. I feel like a brat. I'm just complaining. But you know what? I am living out everything that I felt like the Lord put in our hearts three years ago. About three years ago when we moved back, I knew that our children were going to thrive in the move and I'm living out everything I dreamed of and hoped for, and that really is the goodness of God. And, I'm just thankful.

Rachel: And I felt that way as far as losing a friend. I was really, I was like, "God, I don't understand why." And then God since has done amazing things in bringing other local friends into my life.

Ashley: It's true.

Rachel: And then we've had these, like, very honest conversations when you're like, "I'm meeting a new friend, and we're having fun." And then I'm like- "I, I know you still love me." And so we've grown in our friendship of, like, yeah, I'm secure in myself because I know you love me. And but we also both have lives in different cities. So we have good friendships. And we still are good friends, so.

Ashley: It's true.

Rachel: So Ashley, tell us a little bit about your story as a Christian and your history with, being a church leader. Like, I know you guys have done some incredible things and before coming to Summit Park you guys were involved at James River, and then you were involved at Summit Park, and now you're back at James River in Springfield. So, kind of share about, about that.

Ashley: Mm-hmm. Sure. I was saved, I gave my life to the Lord at the age of 13, and it was right after my mom's second divorce. And- I, I can appreciate myself for this, but also know that God chose me and put a calling in my heart. And instead of doing things that maybe some teenagers would do to self-cope or self-medicate, I just clung to the Lord. And in that season of really being discipled and really leaning in and developing spiritual disciplines, I was called into ministry and was really focused on that, at an early age. And so, came to Bible school and met my husband. And, we It's, it's The story is longer than that, but we got married, and our first jobs were being, in ministry at a church in Springfield, Missouri called James River Church. And I'm forever thankful for that experience of building leadership skills in us, and also watching the faith of our leaders, helped to build my faith and make me the woman that I am today.

And I'm very thankful for John and Debbie Lindell for that. And, about seven years into our full-time ministry, jobs there and, or, and ministry there, we felt called to go with some friends, Scott and Jenna Brimsky, to plant Summit Park Church in Lee's Summit. And we had never been to Lee's Summit before, but we could not shake the call on our life. We knew that we were supposed to be here. And, yeah, so the way that it went about, it it's, again, long, but we, instead of kinda going behind what we would consider our leaders' backs, we, we, we did not talk to Scott and Jenna about it. We went straight to our pastor, and we were honest about what was in our heart to do, and, he blessed it. And so, that was a big ministry, learning opportunity for us. And really, th there was a grace on it, of course, but because we trusted him as our mentor and our spiritual leader he blessed our leaving and helped us get here, helped us get to Kansas City.

And, Kansas City, the journey here was, was beautiful. We were, on staff really full time for just six months, but then my husband did, like, a part-time thing. When you church plant, you know you never know. But God was faithful. Like, we never lost sleep. We never lost food. We never lost anything. God was always faithful and provided in the journey. And, and so, we were on the lead team until, 2020, December of 2020, I think, or 2019. So, it was about it was about seven years that we were on the lead team at Summit Park Church.

Rachel: And like I said, we have been so blessed through what you guys have done, 'cause you prayed. Like, all the prayers that you prayed for Summit Park Church and all the prayer walks that you went on and all the little investments that you made in Summit, and the big investments, right? Like, turning your whole life upside down. But all those investments are now Like, people you don't even know are reaping the fruit of it.

Ashley: Yeah, it's

Rachel: You know? Because God used, God used your willingness and He used your hands. 'cause you could've said no to that calling, but you got to co-create something very cool with God and with other believers

Ashley: Yeah, it was, it's yeah

Rachel: To bless me, to bless me.

Ashley: Oh, thank you.

Rachel: I feel like the direct recipient of so many blessings from that season of life that you, you know, you poured into our church. Because I know, like, I know the prayers you prayed and the ev the difficult seasons, you know of planting a church, you know like, the tear down, the set up, the tear down, the you know, doing church in a, in a gym, and then inviting pe you know, just trying to evangelize everywhere you go.

Ashley: Everywhere.

Rachel: You know?

Ashley: I made friends at the library. I made friends in Walmart one time. I was just like, "I don't know anybody in this city."

Rachel: Here's the thing, though, Ashley, and Austin and I were just talking about this on Sunday, that's how we should all be everywhere we go, like, all the time. And I know you are, like, even now that you're back at Springfield, and it's not like, "We left to start this church." That's how we should all be. Like, you don't have to go to Honduras, you know, for a missions trip. You don't have to go to Africa. Like, we are missionaries every single day. In fact, one thing I wanna do in our next home is write on the door something like, "You're now entering the mission field." Like, the door that goes into the garage. So, every time we leave, 'cause I talk about that with our kids, you know, when we're Even our homeschool co-op, like, it's a Christian-based co-op, but, like, that's where my kids rub elbows with other kids and it's their opportunity to be the love of Jesus. And so I tell them, like, when we're on the way and we're getting off the exit, I'm like, "Okay, like, what are you gonna do today to be the love of Jesus?"

I'm like, "You're entering the mission field, guys." Like, "You're exiting this car. You're going into the world. Like, Mama's letting you like, do your thing." "And you get to be Like, God gets to love people through you, so what are you gonna do?" And, you know, my four-year-old, she's always like, "I'm going to help someone up when they fall down."

Ashley: Oh, that's so cute.

Rachel: And so sometimes you're like, "What if somebody doesn't fall down?" Like, "What do you do?" She's like, "I will be encouraging," you know? And so fostering that at a young age, and I just appreciate that you guys are like that. Like, you are so focused on, like, the mission doesn't s stop, you know? Like, it's your life. Like, you're called to be a missionary for the gospel.

Ashley: Yeah, gather people.

Rachel: So, I honor and appreciate that in you because, yeah, I am a direct recipient, and I will never forget that, so thank you.

Ashley: Yeah. Yeah. It's, it was my pleasure. It was amazing. Yeah.

Rachel: So, you know, it's pretty awesome that now we get to work together. I feel like it's pretty natural with Austin and I, like we just love people and we love gathering people. And we've created CCM, but, all the people that are kinda closest to us end up working for us

Ashley: Yeah. I love it.

Rachel: For us and with us.

Ashley: It's great. It works. It's a win-win.

Rachel: And we're like, "Let's have fun together," you know? Like, we're so aligned in our values like why wouldn't we do this awesome thing together? So I love that you work for us, but you didn't always, and, you and your husband had a joined our program. and I think it would be really powerful for our listeners to know, what made you decide that you were gonna start, you know, investing more in your marriage? Like, what was the point for you?

Ashley: Mm-hmm. you know, you're okay until you're not okay, and our marriage was great. We had we had a great marriage. Like, I wake up every day madly in love with my husband. I love him.

Rachel: I love that.

Ashley: But I had some interpersonal trauma from just childhood stuff and just things, you know, and all respect to parents, right? Like- I love my parents, but there were just some things that were coming up for me. And it's funny too, how like when you become a parent it's like they bring out the worst in you. Or I was like the, the It's not really- Consciousness tells us that it's not them. It's really everything in you that was coming up for you. And just being a mom, like there was these things and these triggers, and I would be so overcome with sadness sometimes and or anger, and I couldn't figure out like Okay, I mean, I, I thought about hiring an Enneagram coach and I, you know, I have a master's degree in counseling, like I've read all the books and I, you know, like we have been in ministry, like we've helped a lot of people. But I was like, I, I was okay until I wasn't okay, and I knew that I wanted to not stay in the periods of sadness for long.

I wanted to be able to move through them and understand where they came from. And so, I just got to a point where I knew that in order to be the best wife and the best mom, and to make the most impact and greatest legacy- I wanted, I wanted to get better, and I knew that investing in my marriage and, and, and being a part of what you were doing was a great start. And it's not only- It's not been a start, it's been like everything. So three years now, and I'm like, "Oh, I'm a lifer. I'll do this forever."

Rachel: She's- You coined that phrase. You're like, "I'm a lifer."

Ashley: I'm a lifer.

Rachel: I was like, "Oh, I didn't know this was a thing." I love it. yeah. And what you said is really powerful because, you know, we talk about this, that marriage is, it's like God's secret design to help you heal, right? Well, so is parenting. It's like you say, "This is so hard." What'd you say? "This is, triggering " No

Ashley: They

Rachel: You said it differently

Ashley: They, they ma they bring out the worst in you.

Rachel: Oh, yeah. They, yeah.

Ashley: The

Rachel: And that's kind of an unconscious like

Ashley: So unconscious, yes

Rachel: Statement. Air quotes, to be like, "They bring out the worst in me." Really what that means is, I have some landmines. I have some unhealed stuff. And God actually designed parenting to be this mirror just like marriage.

Ashley: Just like marriage.

Rachel: It's like, what's the mirror? Because God wants us to heal. He wants us to be to return back to the way that we were born. Like the way that God intended for us to be before trauma, before, you know, these painful experiences in life that our brain said, "Oh, you need to become this way to survive." And God says, "No, like, I want my love to reverse that, to undo that, and I want you to want it and to recognize it." and that's a huge part of what marriage is and what parenting is. And I think that's the difference between people who invest in their growth and who don't, is recognizing that they're, "Oh, okay, like this isn't bad." Conflict, you know, we don't call conflict "conflict," we call it learning opportunities. Like with your parenting, you know it's like this isn't, quote, air quotes, "bad" necessarily. It's this is pointing me to areas that I could improve, like that I could heal and then I wouldn't have this landmine and I could enjoy life more.

You know? Like experience the kingdom on Earth. Like right? We get to experience God in Heaven, and that's gonna be amazing. And I'm excited for that. But also, God's like, "I came so that you can have life and have it abundantly." And that promise is not just like knowing that we have forgiveness in Christ, but it's healing.

Ashley: Healing.

Rachel: And we do get to co-create that w that with God. Like Austin and I have said, I know we've said it on here before, like God can just heal you, and he d has and he will, and that will be another episode. I know it will. But most of the time, we don't necessarily learn the lesson that way, and he wants us to learn the lesson so we stay healed. You know?

Ashley: Yeah. There and there's a mystery sometime in, in waiting for what you know has been promised to you. There's a mystery in it. And yeah. And there's a lesson, because he wants to get close to you, and he wants you to grow.

Rachel: Yeah, because in the lesson, we do, we lean in. And God's like, "Yeah, that's where I want you." For sure.

Ashley: Mm-hmm. Yeah. It's true.

Rachel: That's good. So why do you think Christian leaders should invest in the growth of their marriage?

Ashley: Yeah. Out of the marriage flows everything. And if we, if we can't take care of our marriage, then we can't take care of anyb anything else. That's a requirement for leaders in the church is if you can't take care of your family, if you can't take care of your own household, then you will never be able to take care of God's, God's house. And, yeah, and, you know, sometimes like it makes me sad to think that church leaders h have the, have the expectation to be perfect or have it all together. or they'll say, "Oh, that marriage work, like that's, that's for them. Like, we're good." You know? It's like this self-preservation kind of attempt. But we all have growing to do. Like we will be growing until we get to Heaven. And it, it doesn't ever stop just because we're in leadership. All the more when we're in leadership we need to be, receiving so that then we can give. Because you can't give what you don't have.

And so if you're not, if you're not leading people by example and then getting the knowledge, and getting the healing, and getting ideas, and getting the inspiration, like that's how you're serving- God's people and God's house, and then all, everybody around you the best. So, it's really important.

Rachel: And like we say is how you do everything is how you do everything. So if how you do your marriage is crappy, well your ministry is gonna reap the fruit of that too. Like, how do you grow a ministry? Like, Christian mar- Christian leaders should be focusing on their marriage in the same way that they focus on their ministry. What I'm saying is, how do you grow a ministry? You invest in it, you give it your time

Ashley: Time

Rachel: Your attention. And we know, we know leaders in the church, and by leaders I even mean all of us, all of us can take this. Like if you are a Christian, like you are called to be a leader. And I think that needs to be more of a focus than like, here's this one person. Because again, it puts that person on a pedestal. And, and unfortunately for them, it puts pressure on their shoulders to be perfect. And s like, "Oh, I'm the example for everyone." You know, all, you know, 5,000 people or however many. "I, you know, they're all looking up to me and counting on me." And that pressure is not really natural for someone to experience. And so, you know, how do you grow a ministry? This is for all of us, not just someone who's like a head pastor or someone that's literally, like employed by the church, right? I consider myself someone in leadership and ministry because I serve. I'm a leader.

And I appreciate our church does say that. Like, "You're a leader." Like, you're h you're greeting people at hospitality, you're a leader. And so what I mean by this is how do you grow your ministry? You invest in it, you give it your time, your attention your creativity your focus, and your like passion and drive, you know? And we should also be giving that first to our marriage. Because, like you said, it trickles from that.

Ashley: Trickles from, yeah.

Rachel: You know? It's like God then our marriage, and then like, phew. Like that power from our marriage and from the connection that we have then is able I, I Then I'll finish the sentence. Then is able to then go to all of our areas that we're focusing on and leading in. And as, you know, even just leading CCM, I can relate to that. Like the pressure of like, "Okay, well I'm telling people how to have a great marriage, like I better be perfect all the time . But that doesn't do me any favor favors putting that pressure on myself. but also I hold myself to a really high standard because I am a leader. And how I do everything is how I do everything. So I wanna do my marriage with excellence just like I wanna do everything else with excellence. And I like that you mentioned the requirement for leaders. I think this is a really good point, and makes me think of 1 Timothy 3:1-5.

"The saying is trustworthy. If anyone aspires to the office of overseer, he desires a noble task. Therefore, an ov overseer must be above reproach the husband of one wife " Well, that's good. "One wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach. Not a drunkard, not violent, but gentle. Not quarrelsome, not a lover of money." And this is what, this is the good, we're getting to the good stuff. It's all good, but listen to this. "He must manage his own household well, with all dignity, keeping his children submissive. For if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how can he care for God's church?" And this is for all of us, right? Like I, again, I wanna be, I consider myself a leader. I wanna be a leader as a Christian, like I wanna lead others. And like you said, if we can't lead, if we're not doing well in the area of our marriage, in like our home front then how can we be doing well at church or, you know, at, in the world.

And I see a direct correlation to that. For sure.

Ashley: Yeah. my husband works with church leaders around the country, and it's actually surprising how many church leaders, they have like interventions with because they have given everything they have to the body, but they're like in the fetal position on the floor having, in crisis because they haven't invested in themselves and they haven't invested in their marriage. And I mean, really, like what's the point if if we're giving everything we have to the church, which is, which is good, but if we're letting our marriage and our children basically die, like what legacy is that? And our first ministry is our marriage and, and and our parenthood, so.

Rachel: I think this is why, well, I know this is one of the big reasons why there's so many moral failures

Ashley: S yeah

Rachel: In the church and in church leadership, because they're neglecting that. And, and like you said, it's like they're focusing, the heart's intention is good, right?

Ashley: It's g good, yes.

Rachel: They're wanting to serve. And, and all of that is from a good place. And like we choose to see it that way always. Like there's good desire there, but it can be really easy to forget the priority. And I think that's why there's so much moral failure. And I'm not just saying, you know, like a sex scandal or something. I'm saying like the, the pastor is now in the fetal position because he's, he's traumatized himself really. Like he's put himself through so much without s support. and good, consistent support. You know, like you said, a lot of times they wait too long and then are on life support. Which, yes, shout out to Jonathan. He is an author of a book called Arrow Striker, Jonathan Hardy. You should go look that up.

Ashley: Thank you, yeah.

Rachel: Her husband, Jonathan and Ashley are just such good people, and you'll get to hear more about their story in Arrow Striker and their faith journey. So if anything that Ashley has said, you know, about her personal life, or their st their journey of faith, like definitely go check that book out

Ashley: Thank you

Rachel: Because Jonathan speaks around the country, and helps him and Ashley's father-in-law are they're like the cutest duo. I'm sorry, I know they're like grown men, but they're

Ashley: They're great

Rachel: It's just adorable. As a mom of a, of, as a wife and a mom of a son just seeing them together, I'm like, "Oh, that's gonna be my husband and son someday." You know? They're like this power, leadership couple, you know what I mean.

Ashley: No, they have a huge heart for church leaders. And I do, too. And it's what they've given their life to really, over the last, about 10, 10 years.

Rachel: Yeah, a whole decade. Yeah. They've poured so much into church leadership, and have really made a huge impact in so many congregation and church leadership. I mean, yeah, it's like when you help a church leader and support them really well, that's impacting a lot of people. So what they do is really, really powerful and has blessed a lot of people. So

Ashley: Yeah. Thank you

Rachel: Shout out to Jonathan, and you're his wife, so shout out to you because you're amazing.

Ashley: Thank you. Thank you. Well, something I'd like to appreciate you for is, the desire, the deep desire for breaking the stigma of marriage work. And your desire to lighthouse it in a very beautiful way. It's inspiring. And, I think we are, I think, I think our generation is going to make great strides in investing in our marriage as a good thing, not a negative thing, like something's wrong. So thank you for that. Because you've led a lot of people by example in investing in marriage, and it doesn't, it's not because we're in trouble. It's because we love each other and we wanna get better and better, and I love that about you.

Rachel: Thank you. I receive that. Appreciate you. All right. So that leads us to our nonprofit shout-out, which I let Ashley pick today because, you know, she's our guest and I wanted her to pick a nonprofit shout-out. But then when she told me, I was like, "Yay, I love this nonprofit." So.

Ashley: Yeah. So when we moved to Kansas City, this beautiful woman walked up to me, shook my hand, and said, "My name is Crystal, and I have a nonprofit called Lullaby of Hope." And Lullaby of Hope delivers baskets to women who have suffered loss in the womb. And Crystal has a really amazing story of tragedy and loss, and she was not a victim about it. She, and she had, like every, every right to be in sorrow and in loss, and my heart just goes out to her and so many women who have suffered loss in the womb. but she took the leftover money that she was, that was donated to her when she, buried her daughter, and she, she made gift baskets w for women struggling, soon after her loss. And now it's this huge nonprofit. They've delivered, I, I think, into the thousands of baskets to women, and it's an incredible, incredible team.

Rachel: Yeah. And I've used them many times. Like, so if you know someone, and put this in your back pocket lullabyofhope.org. We'll put the link in the description. But any time that you know someone who's experienced a loss, this is an incredible way to be just so much love and encouragement to them, because sometimes it is hard to know what to say t- 'cause you don't wanna say something that might be painful or you know, you don't want to, you know, yeah, say something that might be painful for them. But you wanna show love and support, and this is something that, comes from someone who has experienced that so she knows the blessing that it is. And everything is prayed over. Everything is curated by, other women. Like, my stepsister is a part of the team. it's incredible women who all, like, just partner with Crystal to do- God's work. And, and they, yeah, they write handwritten notes and pray over it and mail it, and we have used it many times to send to people

Ashley: Mm-hmm. Likewise

Rachel: D in their loss. And it's such a blessing to me, even, to be able to support people, just that that resource exists. So we want you, we're encouraging you, if you enjoyed this episode, or even if you hated it, I don't care. Just go to lullabyofhope.org and give them, you know, $5. I think the gift baskets are 40.

Ashley: 40. Mm-hmm.

Rachel: So you know, donate a gift basket or 12 to- Lullaby of Hope because your, your money directly goes to blessing parents. You know, it's not just the mothers, but it's a, a huge blessing to these parents as they're, you know, lose, you know, dealing with severe loss and tragedy. So- Lullaby of Hope, cannot over-hype them enough. I feel that way about all our nonprofits. I just wanna talk about 'em for a long time. I really appreciate Austin, that he had this idea.

Ashley: It's very, it's very good.

Rachel: It was his idea. He's like

Ashley: It's good

Rachel: "I want I don't want it to be about us. Like, we can teach, but I want to give, you know, I want, like, God to be moving through our episodes and, like, to share m ministries." So

Ashley: Mm-hmm. It's good

Rachel: I love that we do it.

Ashley: I love it. Yeah. Yeah.

Rachel: I've literally had the limiting belief, like, "What if we run out of nonprofits?" But I'm like, "No, no, no, no, no." "We'll just keep, we'll just keep going back to our favorites."

Ashley: That's

Rachel: All right. So the last question I have for you is what would you say to someone on the fence about doubling down on their marriage, and what good things can come from that?

Ashley: Okay. I would say that, and you've said this before, what's, when's the best time to plant a tree? Okay, like, a long time ago but now. So, so don't wait any longer. And, I, like, look at some couples, and look at the way, like, my life was before we joined CCM and before I really made a commitment to being a conscious Christian. Like, the little things that would come up and the energy that a couple can spend, and I can take ownership, that, like, we would spend on little squabbles. So who's gonna put the kids to bed, or what are we gonna have for dinner, or, Okay, you could pick like a lot of things. Who's cleaning up the kitchen or you know

Rachel: Or taking out the trash

Ashley: Who's, okay, the trash- Okay, all those like little things that, that a couple can spend a lot of energy on is now spent, because we've worked through all those things, is now spent on creating and building and having fun and doing what, doing things that like are productive and add value to our lives and to our children. Like, I don't have to be caught up in like, to, and you know, okay all women do this, where you're like in your head, like, ta-ta-ta, ta-ta-ta, ta-ta. Like- Like, okay, so, so one of the greatest shifts for me is taking radical responsibility. And something happened a couple of months ago between me and Jonathan, okay? I asked him before bed, I said, "Hey," 'cause I, I take care of the dishes, okay? Like, that's just my chore. I do dishes. But he had come home late and he made his own food, and I said, "Hey, can you start the dishwasher before you go to bed?" And he's like, "Yeah, got it."

I'm like, "Okay." I get up the next morning, and I'm like going through the dishes, trying to unload them, and I'm like, "These dishes do not look clean." But I knew it had been run because the green light was on. And, and I was like, "Hey, babe, did you put detergent in the dishwasher?" And he was like, "Nope, you just asked me to run it." Okay, so the old Ashley, pre-conscious Ashley would have been like, "Ta-ta-ta, just, it, it-"

Rachel: You didn't, you

Ashley: Yeah, like you know, basically like, "How stupid are you?" Is basically the message that, the, the story that I would've that's what I would've communicated to him by how I would respond to that. But radical responsibility, which is something that CCM, in the community, we talk about a lot, and if you're conscious, you understand this that like I'm responsible and I c- I create everything that I experience, and I, and I do that by taking full responsibility. So in that moment, I did not get angry. I was just like, I was like- "Yeah." I was like, "You're right. I didn't tell you to put detergent in it, and I didn't put detergent in it. I take full responsibility." And I laughed. I was like, "Oh yeah, whatever, okay."

Rachel: And, yes

Ashley: It wasn't a fight. And I wasn't angry about it all day long. Or whatever.

Rachel: And you guys cute connected over it.

Ashley: And we connected over it.

Rachel: It was the opposite of a fight.

Ashley: It was the opposite of a fight.

Rachel: It was funny and cute.

Ashley: It, and, and we laughed. Yeah, we were like, "Okay." And Jonathan's like, "Okay." You know, it's like it's not a, it's not a thing. It doesn't have to be a thing when you make commitments to those little things, and it's just, Yeah. I'm so, I'm so glad for that investment because really think about the energy that we spend on something like a dishwasher, the dirty dishes. Like, yeah, so I'm just very thankful. So I would say that's one of the biggest shifts that I have experienced in joining the, the community and just growing as a conscious Christian. So, it's life-changing, and that's one little example of how.

Rachel: Yeah. Yeah, imagine taking the little things that you used to create so much conflict and see, we are creative beings. Don't you ever, listener, don't you ever say you're not creative, 'cause I've heard a lot of people say that. You are created in the image of of God.

Ashley: Of a creator.

Rachel: And he is a creator. Like, at his very core, God is a creator.

Ashley: Creator, yeah.

Rachel: And we are too. And we will create conflict if we don't have something good to in, to put our energy into. So if you're not putting positive, good energy into your marriage to like up-level you're using, you're gonna use your creative energy to find things that are wrong, to in spats, like, "How can I win this?" You know? All that stuff. Like, you use your creati creative energy for conflict every day if you have conflict every day, which we call learning opportunities. But unconsciously, you know, if you're doing the whole conflict thing, it's conflict. You're literally creating something out of nothing, and imagine that, I mean, it's just such a good example, Ashley. Like, it's funny. Because it's like, "Oh, yeah, I didn't s put soap in, and I just told you to run it."

Ashley: Yeah, and like my husband's a smart guy, like he knows how to start the dishwasher but I'm not gonna

Rachel: And he started it.

Ashley: And he started it.

Rachel: So

Ashley: He did what I asked him to do

Rachel: It's very cute. Well, thank you so much, Ashley, for being on today and just taking the time out of your, your day and your, your trip into Kansas City, which had other things involved. So thank you for taking time out of your trip to be here and to bless our listeners. so thank you. I really appreciate you. You're a blessing to me, to the world, and hopefully to, no, I know you're a blessing to the, to the listeners today, so thank you for taking your time. And listener, thank you for tuning in. We love and appreciate you as well, and as always, comment, like and subscribe if you haven't already. Give us a five-star review. unless you hated this, like just move right along. It's okay if you hated it. We still love ourselves.

Ashley: Yeah, that's true. It's so good.

Rachel: So, and if it's not for you, it's not for you, so that's okay. and we bless you on your way. So, we would love to hear from you though, so comments are awesome. Share your thoughts. Share your heart. And go, and if you donated to Lullaby of Hope, comment on YouTube or send us an email. We'd love to hear from you. and thank you. Until next time.