7 Soul Questions to a
Thriving, Christ-Centered Marriage

Hey [First Name],

You made it to Day 2 — and today we're going somewhere a little deeper. We're not talking about the furniture you inherited from grandma, or the in-laws, or even your credit score. Today's question is an honest look at the inside:

"What do I bring with me into my marriage?"

As we journey through life, we pick up things along the way — experiences, wounds, protective strategies, and unconscious beliefs that quietly call the shots without us realizing it.

Maybe you had a rough childhood, so when conflict happens your instinct is to get defensive — because somewhere inside, you're still afraid of being "in trouble." Maybe a past relationship ended in betrayal, so you keep a wall up even when your spouse gets close, because closeness once cost you deeply.

Here's the good news: God wants to heal those places in you — and one of His most powerful tools for doing exactly that is your marriage. Paul puts it this way:

The balance of coming alongside your spouse to restore them gently, while also taking honest ownership of your own stuff — that's one of the most powerful pictures of real love we have. You can't do one without the other.

Hey [First Name],

What does your personal time with God have to do with your marriage? Everything.

Today's soul question might feel like it belongs in a personal devotional, not a marriage series. But stick with us:

"Am I spending time with God?"

Jesus modeled something so powerful that we almost miss it because it's sitting right out in the open. He had a rhythm — a Spiritual Dance, you might say — of coming together with others and then withdrawing to be alone with the Father.

Think about that word: often. This wasn't occasional. It was rhythmic. It was intentional. And it's a pattern we desperately need in our marriages.

When we spend too much time together without stepping away to pray, rest, and be refueled by God — conflict can begin to simmer. Ever snapped at your spouse for the way they chewed their food? That's not actually about the chewing. That's your soul saying: I need some time alone with God.

The spiritual and relational energy you bring back after genuine time with God doesn't just benefit you — it transforms how you show up for your spouse.

Hey [First Name],

Take a deep breath. Say the word "Hmmmm" out loud. Now sit with this question:

"What am I not sharing with my spouse?"

Whatever just came to mind — don't rationalize it away. Don't tell yourself it's too small, or too complicated, or that it'll only cause a fight. That thing you thought of? That's exactly what today is about.

Here's what we've seen over and over in our work with couples: withholding leads to withdrawing. And withdrawing almost always leads to criticizing — sometimes for the very thing we're not sharing. It's a painful cycle, and most of us are living in the middle of it without even knowing it.

David paints a raw and beautiful picture of what emotional transparency actually does:

When David opened up to God, God became his hiding place — his safety. Imagine that kind of intimacy with your spouse. That's what emotional transparency can unlock.

Transparency doesn't mean you unload everything at once. It means you commit to a new normal — one where you and your spouse know each other fully, and feel safe being fully known.

Hey [First Name],

Is there anything inside you that you've been holding in? Any beach balls you're keeping pushed underwater?

"What am I not feeling?"

This one cuts deep for most of us. But here's what we know: if you want real intimacy, safety, and joy in your marriage, you must learn to be with your feelings — not just manage them or suppress them.

Jesus didn't just model prayer or teaching — He modeled feeling. He felt joy (John 15:10–11). He wept (John 11:35). He was angry (John 2:13–17). He cried out in agony (Luke 22:42). He was moved with compassion (Matthew 9:20–22). Jesus felt everything — fully and without shame.

Here's a truth we've seen confirmed again and again with the couples we work with: when you block one feeling, you block them all. They come from the same faucet. When couples who've struggled with intimacy in the bedroom allow themselves to finally feel their sadness or their anger — in healthy ways — that area of their marriage almost always comes back to life. Not because it was a physical problem. Because the hose had a kink in it.

God wants you to bring your real feelings to Him — the ugly ones, the confusing ones, the ones you don't have words for. That's not weakness. That's the path to wholeness.

Hey [First Name],

You're almost there. Day 6. And today we're going to the root of so much of what keeps couples stuck:

"What walls am I keeping up?"

If you had 10 seconds to answer that question, what would come to mind? Most of us have walls we're not even fully conscious of. We wonder why our spouse isn't pursuing us, why we feel distant — when the truth is, we've built walls they can't even see.

We've found that most of these walls come down to one thing: unforgiveness. Not just toward your spouse — but toward yourself.

Here's the pattern we see: when we can't forgive ourselves, we can't fully receive God's forgiveness either. And what we cannot receive, we cannot give. What you withhold from yourself, you will withhold from your spouse.

When two people blend their lives into one partnership, stumbles and relational accidents are inevitable. Paul's not surprised by this — he expected it. That's why he wrote "bear with each other." He knew it would be hard. He also knew forgiveness was the only way through.

Right now, take a moment. Close your eyes. Put your hand over your heart. Ask God to help you receive — really receive — His love and forgiveness for you. The deeper your sense of His forgiveness, the greater your capacity to both give and receive it in your marriage.

Hey [First Name],

You made it. Seven days. Seven soul questions. And if you've been doing the work — the writing, the sharing, the honest conversations — something has already started to shift.

Today's final question is the one that holds all the others together:

"What am I doing every day to nurture my marriage?"

As followers of Christ, we're not just encouraged to pour into our marriages — we're called to. Daily. Paul puts the bar as high as it gets:

Wives, you are called to honor and nurture your marriage the way you would honor your relationship with God — with intentionality, presence, and love. Husbands, you are called to fight for your wife and your marriage the way Christ fought for the Church — daily, sacrificially, with honor and strength.

The grass is greener where you water it. If you don't tend the garden, you don't get to participate in its fruit.

We honor and deeply appreciate you for investing your time, your emotion, and your heart into this series. It is our hope and prayer that you found ways to grow, to heal, to better honor God with your marriage — and to experience a new level of connection with your spouse.

But here's the truth: this is just the beginning.